User:DJ Mixerr/Worst 100 Government Policies of All-Time

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Those Governments, eh! They spend all day out there making sure that we're okay with their policies. Every government has them - policies that tell us all how we'll be living our lives if we're stupid enough to vote them into power (or turn a blind eye to any blatant vote-rigging).

But politicians don't always get it right and for every good policy there's one that looks like it should belong in the River with all the other turds.

edit 101-110

103. "The Patriarchy."


102. "All couples over the age of 70 must have sex at least once a day, make a recording of it, and send a letter to Penthouse Forum describing it."


101. "Old, rich, out-of-touch Etonians are the best placed people to make decisions for the country."

edit 91-100

100. "The Conservative Party vows to cut homosexuality from the nation's beliefs and replace it with a picture of Mary Poppins."


99. "Our Party Leader once nearly choked on a piece of bread. Therefore we will promise not to ban bread and all bread-related products."


98. "Free goat porn for all!"


97. "Teenage pregnancies are up 72%. Therefore abortion needs to happen."


96. "Mandatory jail sentences for any crimes highlighted by the tabloid press. With double sentences for articles printed on Sundays. "


95. "1984 shall be used as a framework for government ideas, especially foreign policy and civil rights. Not the book, the actual year. Which means that Margaret Thatcher will be reinstalled as prime minister and the exumed corpse of Ronald Reagan will become president."


94. "Scrapping the minimum wage, and re-establishing good old sweatshops for the poor."


93. "Free condoms for the over 70's."


92. "A new hairstyle every six weeks, to be carefully chosen by a focus group."


91. "All newspapers would be banned. Except for the Daily Mail."

edit 90-81

90. "Sexual relations will be made illegal unless it's done through a hole in the blanket."


89. "We shall combat Global Warming by using a big spaceship to pull the Earth slightly further away from the Sun."


88. "We will make it illegal for Super Heroes to use their powers for evil."


87. "We will rename The Isle of Man to "The Isle of Men, Women, Children and some Animals" as not just fags live there."


86. "Starting Monday we begin remodeling the English language, we will base it on the metric system."


85. "Snooker will become our national game as it is the only sport left that we aren't shit at."


84. "It has come to our attention that dogs bark too loud. This will be made soundproof."


83. "And therefore, our party has chosen Mr. Borat Sagdiyev to be the Chairman on the Board of Jewish Affairs."


82. "We shall create a National Holiday to commemorate Kim Jong Il. With lots of fireworks and parades. And movies.


81. "John Rambo will be the governor."


edit 80-71

80. "My fellow Americans, Congress has officially declared war on the Disney Channel."


79. "Ethnic Slurring will become a daily requirement."


78. "And therefore, my fellow Americans, we will bail out AIG."


77. "Ladies and gentlemen, our new national anthem is 'Holiday', by Ms. Madonna Ciccione.


76. "And I saw taxes are too low!"

75. "Starting on Jan 1st all government positions will be filled by a lottery system." I'm hopping for the position of commandant of the Marine Corps or a janitor position at NASA.


74. "From now on, everyone in Nebraska is named Timothy."


73. "Every 1st Monday of the month is take your mother-in-law to work day."


72. "The separation of Church and State is now undone, starting now, all Americans are scientologists."


71. "If a citizen misses a World Cup game, then they will be subject to the worst torture imaginable: watching a World Cup game."

edit 70-61

Danny Quinn

70. "Everybody in the world will have plastic surgery to look like this guy."


70. "Everybody in the world will have plastic surgery to look like the guy on the left.


69. "Insurance is just pennies a day.


68. "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. Oh shit, the mic's on?"


67. "Bad credit? No credit? No problem!"


66. "So I'm going to have beer and pretzels on the White House lawn with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley. Afterward, I'll throw out the first pitch at the MLB All-Star Game. The economy? What the hell is an economy?"


65. "The United States flag will be replaced with a picture of Bill Nye's ass or a patriotic bat."


64. Russia will become Soviet Russia AGAIN!


63. Beer will made illegal to sell and obtain only on Sundays. The only alcoholic drinks that will be acceptable will be apple martinis, cosmopolitans, and Zima.


62. Both the US-Mexico border and the US-Canada border will have walls surrounding it at the zenith so illegal immigrants will not trespass and sneak into the country of the United States. Not sure why Canadians would want to sneak into America, but build that wall anyway.


61. The US and The UK government will be ruled by Conservative Democrats along with the British monarchy and royalty.

edit 60-51

60. The US government will be the British monarchy and royalty.

59. The US government will completely half Conservative / half-Liberal. And it serves both parties of the Conservative Party and the Liberal Party. (Independent Party will still exist in Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, New Caledonia, and Australia.) So basically this means the Conservative Democrats and Liberal Republicans still rules us and you.

58. The US is to be ruled by the obsolete Whig Party of England and Ireland.

57. The UK government will also be ruled out by Liberal Republicans of the England royalty.

56. The UK government will be ruled out by Conservative Democrats, Independent Party, and of course the obsolete Whig Party.

55. The UK government is to become both Democratic and Republican

54. Ireland will join the Democratic Party in addition with infinite pubs and shall come back to join within the United Kingdom.

53. Ireland is to become both Democratic and Republican.

52. Ireland shall come back to England whilst being an Independent Party.

51. Australia is now going to be a sub-continent.

edit 50-41

50. Australia will be a prison to jail the rejects of classy society.

49. New Caledonia will join in with New Zealand.

48. New Caledonia also will join the country of Australia.

47. New Zealand will have a Republican Party.

46. New Zealand shall join Australia too.

45. Pinchos are too spicy. So, they will be abolished and illegal.

Pinchos

Are too spicy.

44. There is no cabal in the The US or The UK.

43. ALL animals will kept in cages, including Andy Dick.

42. Free euroipods for the upper classy!

41. Only air will be free.

edit 40-31

40. ALL police departments act as The Gestapo now!

39. Nazi's are now going be acting as The Gestapo along with Nazi Party spies in Germany,Austria, Hungary, Poland, France, Israel, Czech Republic, Canada, and Brazil.

38. Nazi's are going to be spies in Brazil.

37. The Diary of Anne Frank will replace The Holy Bible.

Anne Frank

Besides her infamous diary, Anne Frank also expanded into the postcard manufacturing market.

36. Alfred E. Newman will be president of the United States in 2012. (Along with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.) What, me worry?

35. Males and Females will rule the world (Planet Earth) equally under capitalist communism & fascism. As per world domination.

34.Males and females (chiefly females) will rule the world (Planet Earth) with strict communist mistress]es and a dominatrix for every man. Under cruel and unusual punishment and sex. Femdoms and Rape Dungeons are to be built especially for those whom may rebel.


33. Females will rule the world with strict communist mistress]es and a dominatrix for every man. Under cruel and unusual punishment and sex. Femdoms and Rape Dungeons are to be built especially for those whom may rebel. As per world domination. Punishments are deadly! So bend over!

32. Females rule males and males rules females. As per world domination.

31. The term, "trisexual", will have allowed usage official government forums and documents.

edit 30-21

30. Children 5-20 are required to take school.

29. Sex is not an evolutionary necessity so much as an evolutionary hindrance.

28. Recycling is mandatory. DO IT!

27. A benevolent God supports everything we have done, are doing, and will do. All of these claims are really true. We care.

26. War is not peace

INGsoc i

My point exactly!

25. Elections are dignified and magnificent occasions. They are not tawdry, depressing, or the same old shit, and have never been rigged, tinkered with, or cheated.

24.The British Labour Party lets the rich grow richer faster than the rest of UK citizens do.

23. If we do it, it's not terrorism. If Democrats do anything we don't agree with, it is terrorism

22. Political correctness is a cure for cancer.

21. Religion will be established.

edit 20-11

20. The administration of the Religions are carried out by the Religious Council.

19. Everyone etcetera is forced to go to temple for six days of a week, each priest heads the worship for two days in a week. For that reason, the all temples have three priests; no more, no less. The priests carry out the most basic parts of religious obligations. They give the sermons, discuss with the people, and collect the monthly taxes.

18. Any minority political party, accusing the majority of corruption, that will not itself evidence identical corruption once it wins the majority and thus acquires actual power it can sell to special interests.

17. Language "police law" is being repeated in the United States. Canada does this process too.

16. No one is allowed to admit it under a mutual non-disclosure agreement.

15. Australia is actually becoming a territorial possession of the United Kingdom.

14. The tax on alcohol DOES cancel out the social welfare budget.

13. Funded by taxing tax on the tax we tax from the taxed and then reclaimed through benefit cheques by those oppressed by the taxes, this economic model was inspired by the folk myth of Robin Hood.

12. Canada is now a state.

11. Canada was never granted its independence from the United Kingdom.

edit 10-1

10. The Eiffel Tower is being built by Germans.

9. A lift is really an elevator.

8. Tea is from China, and not sticking your pinky up when you drink it won't kill you.

7. The British accent is actually a speech disorder.

6. Humans did not evolve from monkeys, but rather from SPAM

5. Censorship Censorship is good for you and the environment. is MANDATORY for mass media. Anyone who tries rebel will fined and imprisoned.

4. Guns do not kill people. The government does.

3. Anarchism is to be made illegal, unsafe, and unfair. Again, Violators will shot on sight!

2. Violators will be shot on sight!

1. The words, "retard" and "retarded," are now considered illegal and politically incorrect. If you work for the government and are heard making usage of the word, 'retard,' you will not be terminated from your job position, but you will fined, imprisoned, and shot on sight.

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