User:DJ Mixerr/Top 100 Things Rick Astley is Never Gonna Do

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The list of all-time worsts:

Rick Astley Would Never

Things Rick Astley is Never Gonna Do.

There are many things that singer Rick Astley is Never Gonna Do. Here are the top 100:

edit 100 - 91

100. Wear a leather corset

99. Wear makeup.

98. Wear tight pants.

97. Join the marines.

96. Join the army.

95. Join the navy.

94. Join the FBI.

93. Join the CIA.

92. Be gay.

91. Be an asshole!

edit 90-81

90. Be a faggot. (Wait? Did I already say that?)

89. Be a fag.

88. Be a douchebag. (Wait? Did I already say that?)

87. Be a douche.

86. Be a dick.

85. Spontaneously combust when in the presence of the King.

84. Spontaneously combust when in the presence of the Queen.

83. Suddenly bellow, "I'm Brian Blessed!" in the middle of a funeral.

82. Get piles.

81. Give a reacharound to an Austrian Yak.

edit 80-71

80. Steal a police car.

79. Buy pornography.

78. Make out with someone other than your mother.

77. Make out with your mom.

76. Eat nothing but Cheesy Wotsits.

75. Watch 'Delta Force' 167 times.

74. Come back as a zombie.

73. Spontaneously combust when in the presence of someone famous.

72. Play 'Second Life

71. Become the lead singer of Limp Bizkit.

edit 70-61

70. Develop sexual fantasies about Da Queen.

69. Sixty Nine. (69)

68. Dress up in a Maid's outfit and dance the Macerena.

67. Jump up and down screeching like a madman on acid about how he's the rular of the planet Bumcheese and that we should all be his fearful minions.

66. Spray acid from his mouth when frightened or agitated.

65. Read Harry Potter.

64. Star in a commercial for dog food.

63. Light his own farts.

62. Prematurely ejaculate whenever the word, "Spangles" is uttered.

61. Perform a self-prostate examination.

edit 60-51

60. Hit on that hot blonde in the apartment next to yours..

59. Take two sugars in his coffee.

58. Sell your jewelry on eBay.

57. Move to Canada.

56. Let the door hit your ass on the way out.

55. Let your ass hit the door on your way out.

54. Shoot compressed air up his backside.

53. Shoot dope into his scrotum.

52. Vote for John McCain.

51. Vote for the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest just to see what happens.

edit 50-41

50. Eat anything from McDonalds.

49. Eat at your house, compliment you on a fine meal and then smash everything in your living room with a ballpin hammer.

48. Get some sick.

47. Get Swine Flu.

46. Use a little girl as a human shield against a Mexican cradling a pig.

45. Kill his dog while doing the Cha-Cha.

44. Make out with your brother.

43. Slip marijuana into the brownie mixture that's intended for the Scout bakesale.

42. Stub his cigarette out on your forehead.

41. Go from 0 to 60 in 6.4 seconds.

edit 40-31

40. Have a full frontal lobotomy so that he thinks like Nigel Parsons.

39. Watch the movie, 'Johnny Quest'.

38. Get those really stubborn stains out.

37. Use a photo of his wife's recently deceased mother as an ashtray.

36. Email all of his personal information and bank details to a Nigerian Prince offering $120,000,000.

35. Become a kitten huffer.

34. Be an interesting appetiser before the main course.

33. Be an interesting fashion accessory that you can wear on a date.

32. Be digitally ready.

31. Be a little bitch.

edit 30-21

30. Hum really loud during a funeral service.

29. Blame it on the boogie.

28. Fart in the presence of Paul McCartney.

27. Fart really loud.

26. Touch himself, even when going for a piss.

25. Wipe his dobber on the curtains after sex.

24. Masturbate furiously to gay porn.

23. Develop an unhealthy interest in penis extensions and Austin Powers.

22. Cut off his penis and mail it to you.

21. Perform self fellatio.

edit 20-11

20. Fantasize about The Mummy.

19. Break down and require a van and four men to get him out of the house.

18. Put out another album.

17. Watch Big Brother.

16. Be Rickrolled.

15. Rickroll you.

14. Impersonate Glen Quagmire. (Giggity giggity goo! OH!)

13. Impersonate a monkey.

12. Sell nude photos of you to Hustler.

11. Pee on the toilet seat and then not wipe it up.

edit 10-1

10. Give you up.

9. Let you down.

8. Run around and desert you.

7. Make you cry.

6. Say goodbye.

5. Tell a lie and hurt you.


Or give up the several prizes he has been awarded by Internet media sites such as 4chan that do not provide audio tracks.

4. Earn more than cab fare in royalties for the ten million times a certain single has been listened to by Internet users who thought they had just won the Lottery in the worldwide Rickrolling prank.

3. Be mistaken either for the boy next door or for the "mature, moody performer" he adopted as his new persona around 1990.


Or record a song that seriously inspires ardent lovers.

2. Sell all of his possessions on eBay and then go on a hiking holiday "to find himself" in a nearby Communist country that has a penchant for kidnapping and murdering 80's U.K. pop sensations.

1. Get that God-damned song out of his head, now that this article has reminded him of it. Nor will you, dear reader.

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