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“I am Neptune, God of the Sea.”
“No you're not. I am. And you know nothing of my work.”
“I could totally beat your ass, bitch”
“How can you do that, Rome conquered Greece's ass”
“Hehe, we thought it was a gas giant and obviously it's Water World. I even put a video of evidence on YouTube...”
“You might as well. I live in the sea.”
Neptune is entirely made out of gas that comes out Uranus when it farts. Each fart adds a little more volume to this huge tilted planet, which tilts a little more to its side after every mighty blast from Uranus. Neptune is a god of Jello. he eats pizza on Wednesdays and poops in the bosses stall and doesn't flush. Then he pisses on cats for fun!
Neptune is currently owned by the Disney Corporation. Its previous owner was Bernie Madoff, who purchased it from NASA in 1998 using homemade Monopoly money. It was the largest of the gaseous assets in his portfolio until 2009 when the feds, rejecting his argument that "he who smelt it dealt it", liquidated Madoff's holdings.
In the center of this planet is something called a Lunisto. This is a very large two headed moocow that is very dangerous, especially at the billiards table. If you ever come across this beast you must follow these instructions:
- 1. Scream loudly for help
- 2. Call the Large and Dangerous Annoying Pest Control- LDAPC (the number should be in your phone book under "caterers")
- 3. Find someone attractive to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to
- 4. Loosen victim's clothing
- 5. Stay on the scene like a sex machine until paramedics arrive
Contrary to popular belief, this planet is solid enough to support light vehicular traffic, but if you walk on certain spots, it will shake uncontrollably because it is VERY ticklish. NASA scientists say that the dark side of Neptune will someday be explored, but they need some new batteries for their flashlights first, because "it's scary and you could walk right into something & get hurt. And there's that cow."
Its enemy is the planet Mercury. They used to travel in the same orbit until Mercury made a crack about Neptune's gravity. Since then Neptune sends untraceable blackmail to the Sun to heat up every once and a while to burn Mercury.
Neptune also has uneasy relations with Triton, its only important moon. Triton has threatened to flee to Uranus several times, but due to a restraining order, is forbidden from leaving orbit for another million years. Triton and Neptune can be frequently observed exchanging insults and "yo mama" jokes, the latter of which can cause any human to lose their sanity. If they start arguing, cover your damn ears!
Naptime on Neptune
Recent research has revealed that the planet Saturn's moon Titan also orbits Neptune. Titan is an orphan, please donate money to help save this poor moon from the recess of space. Call 343-3432-343-5555-2321 now to donate money to Titan or any other of Saturn's orphaned moons.
|Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus | Neptune|
|Confirmed (Extrasolar): Darwin IV | Discworld | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Dystopia | Techneta | Roseanne|
|Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax|
|Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron|
|Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | MyAnus | YourAnus|
|In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star|
|Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS|