User:DJ Mixerr/Malice Mizer
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Malice Mizer was created when two high-school students, Mana and Közi, were bored one day at Mana's house after playing a 34-hour game of Monopoly. The two, bored out of their skulls, decided to turn on their favorite music: Mana put on Beethoven, while Közi put on Metallica. The world of Japanese music was never the same again.
edit Early Life of the Founders
Mana was born to a wealthy family of pirates. His mother, a drunken coke-fiend, gave birth to Mana. Nobody realy knows what sex Mana is, but most have agreed that Mana is, in fact, male (we think all of the drugs that said mother ingested screwed-up with his reproductive organs). His father, a wanted felon in 39 countries, left Mana and Mana's mother when Mana was only 3 years old. Seconds after walking out of the front door, he was killed by a barage of shuriken. All blame has been placed on Clinjas.
Very little else is known about Mana's youth. He went to a private school after being adopted by two wealthy aristocrats -- though before this, for some time he lived in Mexico as a prostitute. Because of his hermaphroditity, Mana was subjected to rigorous and sometimes gruesome experiments on a weekly basis. In his senior year of high school, he would meet Közi and would also go on to invent the word adbent. This adbent invention would be known as the adbent of Mana's creation of gothic lolita, known in some circles as "f'in hawt".
Nothing at all is known about Közi. All that is known about him is that he constantly looks intense, like he's about to fart. People fart backwards.
edit Band Members
It is known to the common idiot that Tetsu is and always has been the goth Robert Plant. The evidence is purrrfectly obvious in the hair, voice, and deep dark soul. However, the only noticeable difference is that Tetsu does not like Kittens. Tetsu's last appearance in public was in Miami, where he was found buying a stairway to heaven for his own amewsement. The departure of Tetsu from Malice Mizer was the beginning of Malice Mizer's more popular period, but would spell a catastrophe for the rest of the world when Tetsu went on to join The Greatest J-rock Band Ever. Tetsu's singing was generally considered to have IMPROVED between bands, going from "cat-scratch-your-ears-out" to "pawsitively horrible". Although his singing is currently "really really bad" his next destination is to achieve the singing level of awful. Within a decade, we may be able to listen safe! Tetsu is not to be confused with Tetsu AKA Tetsuko, because she looks a hell of a lot better in a dress.
The final frontier. The third vocalist. After Tetsu satisfied Mana too much sexually and Gackt simply could not get it up for "him", they were left with a zombie drummer who listened to Culture Club and no singer. Klaha showed off his lack of English, and Jrockers loved it. That's how we fix it.
Klaha tried to establish himself as a solo artist after the breakup of Malice Mizer, but due to his smoking, his operatically trained voice was ruined 4EVAR. He currently lives in a small apartment filled with what memorabilia he could scrounge from his days of glory along ewith a collection of Antiques all constantly sullied by cat hair from his white persian Alistair. Every day he searches for a singing protege, a child he can impart his wisdom to, and the magic of the sentient accessory: the magic Jabot, an anchanted lacy neckcloth made by Mana. Unfortunately, all he feels from others nowadays is scorn and the fardels and insults thrown upon him by the neughborhood children who have no respect for him. He grows orchids in the community garden, competing to create the most beautiful blooms in what free time he has, but also using the garden and its light wicker fence as a way to view his love: The Girl On The White Vespa, a mysterious damsel who rides by him every day. Klaha currently sings for Apple Juice commercials, the only job he can find, and is forever endentured as a servant of MOTTs, subject to the harrassment of his boss, coworkers, and network head at the station for which he does jingles. Unbeknownst to him, his pure love for TGOTWV is doomed as she is the daughter of the head of the rival Apple Juice/Radio company, and to tell her of his love would only damn them both. Unfortunately, their paths are entwined as they meet outside of the Antiques store, where Klaha saves TGOTWV's life from a falling bureau! Will they fall in love, and will it last? Will Klaha bestow upon TGOTWV the Magical Jabot, and turn her into the next super-gothloli-aidolu? Find out in "Apples and Orchids" coming this fall from Tokyopop!.
Kami was the result of a Jrock swap meet, in which some band that totally got fucked in the ass by losing Kami traded Kami for the drummer that Malice Mizer had who nobody cared about. As a tribute, years later the band made the single The Little Single That Nobody Cared About. Then, they started actually making music. Like Mise en Garde, the music did not start until they got a good drummer. Guys, we should go to a Jrock swap meet. Kami later died of a spider-like bleeding in his crazy brain, leading homeless people with tinfoil on their heads and the autistic to think that anything about spiders kills Jrockers (hide was the Pink Spider, but we don't know if he's dead because... read Jrock). Then, Malice Mizer stole some songs from Kami's cold, dead hands and made the album Shinya ~And Other Guys I'd Like To Fuck~, which shouldn't have been an album because nobody listened to it anyway.
I know something about this guy, that guy up there is an asshole. Közi is always the clown and occasionally the clinja. Especially when they made We Totally Just Ripped Off Bram Stoker, when there wasn't a clown but he was the clown anyway. I like clowns. Tu ne doit pas faire le clown en classe.
I will give that guy up there some credit, Közi does look intense, he is always about to fart, and Amadeus said that people fart backwards. He's an intense clown. Kozi trains his two cats, Zaku and Rara to be his clowning companions.
Everything worth saying about Mana has already been said, but in most circles, "his" disciples do not view "him" as a hermaphrodite, but something in a foreign tongue that, when written, appears as "MAI BISHIIIII" followed by one or more "lol"s or "jk"s. It is a known fact that "he" invented the letter M and Gothic Lolita. "He" used to look like "he" had dreads which was hardcore because "he" is rumored to be Asiatic.
"He" is not a shitty Mexican band, or a band of shitty Mexicans for that matter. Use of an accent mark over the latter "a" (also known as the faggot accent) would then make "him" turn into a band of shitty Mexicans/shitty Mexican band.
- Sans Penis (1992)
- Emo/Sloth of Satisfied (1993)
- Emo Again, Recorded Better This Time (1993)
- The 1th Anniversary/We Wish We Knew English (1993)
- Armoire/Armoire DX ~Dick Extreme~ (1994)
- The Little Single That Nobody Cared About (1995)
- Bon Voyage ~Saying Goodbye To You On A Gay Cruise Ship~ (1996)
- My Cherry ~You Broke It~ (1996)
- Bel Air, Fresh Prince Of (1997)
- Ow! Renoir (1997)
- Gecko, no, yes, kyo, ku (1998)
- Marbles (1998)
- Ill Loony Naughty ~The Song That Has A Video Like Obscure With 100% Reduced Gross Shit~ (1998)
- Le Seal ~Ugly-Ass Black Singer~
- Sucky, Not Itchy, Too Baa Ram Ewe (1999)
- Shinya ~And Other Guys I'd Like To Fuck~ (2000)
- Japanese Gibberish 1 (2000)
- Japanese Gibberish 2 (2000)
- We Totally Just Ripped Off Bram Stoker (2000)
- The Single That Was Longer Than Shinya ~And Other Guys I'd Like To Fuck~ (2001)
- Beast Butt (2001)
- The Third Thing We Made That Talks About Roses (2001)
- Took us a month to make this shit (2001)
- Klaha Learns English (Never)