User:DJ Mixerr/Jewish-Americans

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Stop hand Warning, reasoned discussion with a Jewish person may lead to circumcision and telling them truth will cause you to be anti-Semitic.
“Hitler didn't really get along with the Jewish.”
~ Captain Understatement on Hitler/Jewish relationship
Did you know...
That the Jewish-American is a docile creature when left alone but beware, you should never approach an unfamiliar Jewish-Americans within a mile's radius of a national bank.

Jewbacca (A Typical Jewish-American).

Jewish-Americans, more commonly known as Jews, (and are usually right about things...) generally whine and complain about anything and everything and have a habit of sending others to fight their wars for them and see themselves as perpetual victims. They also constantly ask for handouts from the US Government in the form of Holocaust reparations (or any government for that matter) when they are very well capable of supporting themselves. The general nature of the Jewish-American; whining and complaining day and night and milking things until eternity, as long as it can get them some cash and make them have their way in the world. After all there is no business like Shoah business!

edit How they got here

For many a century, the Jewish in Europe were hunted down and forced to transform into pianos in response to Anti-Semitism. Which led the Jewish to immigrate to the United States, thus becoming Jewish-Americans. As they read the newspapers from their list of countries of birth, they started gaining a great resentment towards the Goys making money and getting fat back home from Babylon (land of filthy, greasy sausages and Goyim who spend too much money).

edit Yiddish

Haha quaker jew

An example

Jewish people speak Yiddish along with Hebrew and English. Jews invented Yiddish to curse with in a whiny voice (Yiddish, like English, was practically built to contain large amounts of profanity, Hollywood and most lousy sub-genres from the 1930s until now, and subsequently, Americana kitsch. They are also known for their brilliant innovations within the Jewish faith by inventing the successful sects of Freemasonry and Communism (both based on Kabbalism, a Khazar religion).

Jewish stuff
More Jewish stuff

edit How can I define a Jewish-American?


An example of the ugly little big-nosed jew children that plague our earth. Note the hazel eyes and unruly brown curls cascading down his neck, though you can barely see the horns. A fine example of what should be kept in American and German zoos.

Jewish-Americans are said to have magical girl powers. Strumming just one string of their curvaceous bodies has, according to myth, the power to call upon the most powerful genie in “all the land,” according to another archeological scholar, whose credentials include having attended a conference sponsored by the first scholar. Being nocturnal, Jewish-Americans spend most of the day sleeping in small burrows underground. At night they use their innate camouflage to avoid detection whilst they hunt for small insects and plot Zionist conspiracies. It is said by some that spotting a Jew will bring good luck to you and your family for a year and a day.You must remember that they are members of the best people in the world, whose main failing is not noticing that Jesus fulfilled most of their prophecies. A typical Jewish-American has lots of money and God loves them. If you rescue them from peril, God rewards you with riches you don't deserve. In other words they are God's chosen people. Jewish-Americans are also known popularly as "International Jews", "Hollywood Jews" or "New York Bankers". They brag about how white they are, but don't let that fool you. The KKK would know who's white or not! These Jewish-Americans are known for being business like and cultured. Their favored pastimes include capitalism, Communism (as in Karl Marx), fussing, philosophizing, networking, terrorism, complaining, stealing gold from government, and comedy.

Important jew information

How to spot the Common Jewish-American..

Well known Jewish-Americans include director Steven Spielberg, Albert Einstein (inventor of the light bulb, which he stole from Tesla to get back at him for what he said about the unfeasibility of nuclear energy), Steve Ballmer, Mel Brooks, and Harrison Ford. Their ability to shape-shift has made them more than a match for even the hardiest of fighters. However, German people's blue eyes allow them to see through this disguise, which resulted in a severe decline in Jewish populations in the 1940s. Shame. Luckily, this can never be repeated in German males. Also it's important to know JEWS are initials for Jewish European White Semites. Jews are good people! In addition, Jews use their noses for sniffing out money. Jews are known for their massive and curved noses that somewhat resemble the beak of a ferocious buzzard. . It is scientifically determined that they can smell money better than normal people. This is mainly used as a money-detector. It is also used to obtain more air, due to its low cost. They use these noses to sniff out loose change on the street. Some people believe that Jews tounges also can detect scents, much like the Jews related cousin, the snake. This ability to sniff out peasent money is arguably the best of the Jews senses, the other being ultra-sonic hearing that can detect the word "sale" from a radius of three miles. Their huge nostrils can take in a vast amount of air to breathe. After all, it is free!!! Look you fools! See? They constantly lie and hide gold under their noses. Just look at their NOSES! See...hah! Proof at last!


A Hollywood Jewish-American in its natural habitat.

There are at least eight sub-categories of Jewish-Americans, these classifications are based primarily on income level, Jew point, or Jewish point:

edit sub-categories of Jewish-Americans

  • Yids (This is an offensive slang generic term for Ashkenazim (Ashkenazi and Ashkenazi's).) They were also the first ones attacked by the Cossacks in Russia.

A lot have nervous mental diseases & mental disorders and bad luck. Yids mostly make an annual income below $100,000, but most are lovable, wise realists. They are also the ones to pay first for the Kike's/Khazar's sins. Note, one can tell most Yids by their names, most, like the Sephardim, have Biblical surenames, such as Jacobs', David, Abraham etc, etc there are also some Cohen, though many are Kikes, as well as Freedmen.

  • Kikes Although, some Ashkenazi's (or Kikes) with incomes beyond $100,000 though most often earn far more than that.

These Jews (gangsters) are pretty tough and tend to control a lot of things, they also tend to dislike anyone not of "their (Christian) crowd", including other types of Jews, especially low class Yid Ashkies, most if not all are also Freemasons).

Usually the rebellious children of Kikes (er.. I mean Ashkenazi's , many of them try to piss their parents off by becoming Messianic or Anarchists (both based on Kabbalism, a Khazar religion), the smarter ones however become Communists, or better yet, Anti-Masonic Socialists. Better known as great white Jews;-).

Most Kike names relate to money, such as the Silverman, Goldman, Rothman (rubies), and then there are "The Pricious Steins" (Goldstein, Rothstein, Schwartzstein, Silverstein, etc). There are also many Cohen and Freemen up here two.

  • GothJew (see Gnostic.) Usually the rebellious children of Kikes, many of them try to piss their parents off by becoming Messianic or Anarchists, the smarter ones however become Communists, or better yet, Anti-Masonic Socialists ;-).
  • Hebe (see Hebrew), another old polite term for God's chosen people.
  • Ninjew (Ninjew), The skilled and secretive Jewish warriors, who excel in the arts of assassination and sneakiness. They are single handedly responsible for the death of Hitler.
  • Other breeds of Jewish-Americans are the mitzrakhevim and the microcephalic. The smarter ones however become Communists or Socialists.
  • Jew Bag A Jew Bag can be a variety of things but is most commonly a bag in which Jews keeps Jew gold. It can also be a Douche Bag used by a Jew on their pussy farm. Finally Jew Bag, is a term used to described the lowest of low Jewish-Americans, much like Scum Bag in the English Language.
  • Sephardic (Sephardim or Sephardic Jews) are close to the original Mizrahi Jews but slightly Africanized, making these Jews ferociously militant people who will not stop until they get the job done! Also among those greats are Bill Cosby, Maimonides, and perhaps the greatest Jew who ever lived, as well as Jewbacca.

Their traditions include Torah recitals, Yoga, also used during Torah recitals, and Jew-Do, which they invented (Also see Jedi). They enjoy fighting for truth, justice, and the American way, and are also good chefs, specializing in ethnic cuisine, as well as being managers of numerous stores.

  • Khazhars

Until recently thought to be the whole of Azhkenazi Jewry, and more famously known as the "International Jewish Conspiracy," an organization whose existence is often denied by many modern Jews, Khazhars have, over the centuries, infiltrated many of the truly Semitic Jewish communities, eventually becomming the Ashkenazi elites who control the world.

It is said that these Jews invented Zionism both as a Hegelian means of taking over the world. Not related to any Jews whatsoever, it is they who encouraged racism amongst the Ashkenazim in the form of Zionism by turning the whole issue racial in the first place and convincing gullable Europeans that they where fighting aliens in the process. They invented Zionism, Nazism (both kooky New Age religious cults, formed out of their Occultic Kabbalist traditions), Gigli, 9/11, Ovaltine, the IRS, sugar (the worst drug of them all!), the House of Saud, Israel, the Federal Reserve, Aaron, and Jewelry. And just about every modern television show has been produced by Jews, with a Jewish male as the lead that everybody thinks is White.

Their real religion is Frankism (a heretical group that worships frankfurters as the favored meal of Messiah Sabbatai Zevi). They like to listen to racist Wagner music while huffing kittens and whaching Kurds get killed, making friends with evil British, German, and Ashkinazi elites.

Those in this catagory include Rasputin, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, Martha Stewart, G. W. Bush Jr. George Bush senior, Joseph Stalin, and Orlando Bloom. The most well known Khazhar is infact a Rothschild grandson: 'Adolf Hitler, who considered WWII the best time ever. In internet lingo, it is considered the "lolocaust". In the hood, Hitler is considered to be "one badass mother Führer".

Yet even here there are some exceptional names, such as Ben Freedman (the heroic liberator of goyim who used his soap to wash the lies out of the Khazar's mouths), Arthor Koestler (Quantum chaotician and Qabbalistic sourcerer who reveald the awful secret about the Turks), Leon Trotsky (killed for his attempt to fight the corruption under fellow Khazar, Stalin, he also reared a prepubescent Lyndon LaRouche who now carries the torch of factional liberty, somewhere Thomas Jefferson is rooting like a Packers fan), Karl Marx (Anarchist, economist, and party animal who planned on exterminating the Kikes and redistributing their wealth, infact he laughs everytime he hears braindead Punks| about the "achievements" of The Turk, nonetheless he tolorates Trotsky, respects Lenin, and calls Stalin the hansomest poofter he's ever seen since his son Saddam Hussein, who he raised with Hitler).

The only way to detect a pure-blooded Jewish-American (mostly done for breeding purposes) is to dangle a dollar-bill, or a shiny coin, over a cliff. If he jumps he's Jewish. Note that if he doesn't jump, but merely considers it, he might be Christian. This method of Jew-detection is currently being refined, becuase the large cliff drop-off inevitably kills the Jew (unless he can focus his attention away from their new dollar and use their Jew magic to save themselves), and a dead Jew can't be bred effectively. Yet most people don't mind the current method of Jew-detection, since Jews are not wanted anyway. Because of this, the current Jew-detection techniques are sure to stick around for a few more years.


If you join their club, you get this cool badge.

edit What's That On Their Heads?

They are often seen at synagogue wearing 'Jew-caps'. (If they're extremely religious.) These so called 'Jew-caps' they are universal in size, but varied in syle. The more elegant (wealthy) Jew may wish to decorate his/her Jew-caps with ornaments, such as beads and mirrors. Young Jewish-Americans regularly nag their parents for a more stylish Jew-cap, "Mother, can I have that Jew-cap? Moshe has it." and this is understandable as the more maxim the Jew-cap, the more Jewish and Kosher you are, and consequently no more Jew-to-Jew name calling in the local synagogue. These are called "Jew-beanies" (also Yid Lids, Targets if you're German, Kippot if you're actually Jewish, Yarmulkies if you think you know what you're talking about, or Skull-Caps if you're a fucking moron). They are universal in size, but varied in style. On top of that, a "tricked out" Jew-beanie causes for Jewish women, or sex-bags not to like you, maintaining your faith and loyalty to the rabbi. Also, these caps become handy in times of conflict. As they have paper-thin edges along the rim of the skull piece, they are ideal throwing weapons. One simply tosses the hat like a Frisbee at their foe and stands back as they watch their opponent become decapitated by their Jewish wrath. Another abstract object on a Jew's head may be what is known as the Jew fro. These are messy and unruly and are among the top 3 nastiest types of fros, trailing only ginger fros and fros of darkness.

edit Places to find Jewish-American

Since a moron closed the Jews article from further edits (because of a few bigots got away with it), someone please include my additional edits on where else you find Jews, Jewish people or "god's chosen people" in the most expected places.

Cities and Towns:

  • New York City, New York.
  • New Jersey (some).
  • Washington, D.C.
  • Los Angeles, mainly the "West Side".
  • Brentwood, California.
  • Westwood, California.
  • Hollywood, Florida.
  • Hollywood, California.
  • Beverly Hills, California.
  • Berkeley, California.
  • San Francisco, California. (more Jewish, is Jew-central.)
  • The Bay State of Massachusetts (it's rich, liberal (conservative), diverse, politically correct and Democrat blue...guess who?)
  • Chesapeake Bay (Jewish, they often meet at a hotel that allows Jews.)
  • Houston, Texas
  • Galveston, Texas
  • Tampa (Oy Vey, St. Petersburg Florida's sister city is Russian.)
  • Palm Bay, Florida (Hey, they call it the Yevrey Autonomous oblast.)
  • Palm Beach, Florida (kinda gay.)
  • Palm Springs, California (more gays though.)
  • Palm Desert, California (even more Jewish.)
  • Palmdale, California (they all moved out of Glendale.)
  • Glendale, Arizona (most Jewish city outside of Little Odessa.)
  • Las Vegas, Nevada (either it's them or the Mormons...or worst, Armenians.)
  • Chicago, Illinois (All the town has NO lights every Friday night).
  • Phoenix (who you think owns the Phoenix Suns NBA team? Wayne Gretzky...No.)
  • Sun City, Arizona (DUH...)
  • Sun City, California (YEA...)
  • Sun City, Florida (OK..)
  • Sun City, Texas (YEAH...)
  • Orange County, California (The O.C. stands for "Obsessive Cheap".)
  • Orange County, Florida (stands for Obviously Chabad.)
  • Orange County, New York (stands for Orthodox colonies galore.)
  • Jewtown, Georgia (yes, there's an actual community with that name.)

Other Random Places:

  • The US Democratic Party.
  • The US Federal Reserve.
  • Walmart board of executives.
  • Tony Roma's (elderly couples with Brooklynese Yiddish acccents take up the waiters' time for a Kosher rib choice. Actually, there's none and it's a waste of time looking for it.)
  • Hebrew National hot dog stands (1% of the vendors, 50% are Arab, 48% are Greek, and the rest are Iranian, Indian, Turkish or any ethnic group mistaken for Jewish.)
  • Tony's Pizza factories (cheap pizza is better than bagels and lox.)
  • PETA (where Animal rights nutcases and Kosher Jews have one thing in common, don't hurt the bull' know, the calves circumcized humanely is holy.)
  • Managerial offices of sports teams (planning home games to not fall on the Sabbath.)
  • Public education offices (Very hot-bed of liberal left-wing anti-Christian anti-American propaganda, they seem to dumb down Gentiles, esp. the black ones while they take their kids to Yeshivas.)
  • Human relations offices (sensitivity training is one of Jews' favorites to make the gentiles bow down, kiss their feet and hand them their wallets.)
  • Palestinian American organizations (you noticed American Jews oppose hate crimes against Arab Americans? I thought they are their worst enemies!)
  • African-American churches (Jews love black people, except black people don't love them back. I thought they are their best friends!)
  • Women's rights meetings (Jewish women can't be proper Christian housewifes.)
  • Bank offices (a few cms. away from doors of customer account vaults.)
  • Your local media outlet (be it TV, radio and newspaper, or the very internet server about to cut me off...THEY KNOW WHO I AM and WHO YOU ARE.)
  • ...and finally, a 50-50% chance I may be a Jew myself.

edit See Also

edit Jewish-American Princess

This is a very special breed of Jew' which is not easily identifiable. It should be noted that all JAP's are female. You can often tell them by their very loud call which sounds something like, "DADDY!". During mating season, JAP's have the longest mating call of all the Jews. It sounds something like, "I have a headache". This call is constantly repeated in the presence of the male and at all times until the male is no longer around, falls asleep in frustration, or abuses himself in an unseemly manner. They are often see as not smart, making them really stupid and airheads. Sloth-like figures are seen in the proportion of JAP's laying down being lazy.

edit What Jewish-Americans do in their spare time.

  • Study the ancient art of Jew-Jitsu and Jewshido. (Despite a reputation for weakness, some Eastern Jewish-American communities still practise the ancient martial art of Jew-Jitsu (not to be confused with Islam-Itsu). This art follows a similar system of rank to other martial arts, but uses coloured robes in place of belts. While originally thought to be similar to Jiujitsu, they were discovered to be completely different.) Most Khazars and Ashkenazim have formidable business skills and would chase a good deal straight to hell if they could. Thus the best way to defeat them is to either sue them (though, they tend to be heavily armed in this area) or cheat them.

    A black robe in Jew-Jitsu is truly a fearsome opponent.

  • Kill and huff kittens.
  • Steal the Rabbi's Jew-cap.
  • Turn into pianos after magic.
  • Praise 'their' God.
  • Count their money
  • Argue with Palestinians as to which group has the cooler hat.
  • Try and hide their big Jew nose.
  • Turn into pianos.
  • Make their Jewish hair curls even curlier.
  • Find ways of making their noses grow even bigger.
  • Eat cardboard called "mazto".
  • Slice off pieces of baby penises.
  • Guard their secret bags of Jew gold that they keep around their necks.

edit Games said to be played by Jewish-Americans

According to behavioral scientist Dr. Eric T. Cartman, Jews always play stupid games. Cartman concluded from his studies that Jewish-Americans were lame, because of the stupid games. "Dreidel is the gayest thing ever!", yodeled Cartman. Jewish-Americans are also smart, and play cool and stupid games, alternating between the two. Some Jews don't have money. Wild visits to the synagogue are greeted with a round drunken Jewish games such as Twister with the local rabbi. This is a regular occurance in most Jewish-Americans called Judaism.

edit Why Jewish-Americans (Jews) are to be blamed for everything!

Jews are to be blamed for everything is a Nazi idea which blames the Jews for all things which went wrong. This includes small things like erectile dysfunction to simply terrorist attacks, all can be attributed to the works of Jews. Jews are known to control the world because they know are part of the alien race. Beware of Jews and always know that, Jews are to be blamed for everything.

Yes, according to the National Geographic Atlas Of The World, words 'Jew' and 'Cheap' can be used interchangeably. I.E It would be correct to say both a) Fucking Cheap...and b) Wow this lathe sure is Jewish-Americans. Jews are to be blamed for starting the 9/11. Again, it requires no evidence but purely because Jews are to be blamed for everything. Jews are to be blamed for everything.

edit Sex Lives


An updated version of Mein Kampf revamped for the Internet generation.

Jews invented the birth control pill, because getting circumsized leaves their penises small, fragile and unable to wear a condom. Jews tend to mate during the night because by day they are vampires. As we all know, Jews have the lowest sex drive of any race, but they have big wallets for some good causes such as prostitutes or becoming prostitutes to satisfy their needs when they need to! When picking prostitutes, Jews will try to go for the least expensive one, usually a 60 year old transvestite. They avoid those with 10 STDs as that would mean medical expenses. Jews will continue to follow this pattern, scientists predict, until the Jew discovers how to masturbate as Christians do with their circumsized penises, and make even bigger savings. Usually, at around the age of 87, the very age when Jews can become rabbits, they generously give away their pubic hair to savings account and with this lose their previous dildo. Also, in doing this, Jews lose their strength and outstanding good physique. Jews will continue to follow this pattern, scientists predict, until the Jew discovers how to masturbate as Christians do with their circumsized penises, and make even bigger savings. Also, in doing this, Jewish-Americans lose their strength and outstanding good physique.

edit Jewish Food

The Jewish have a thriving food culture. Most [[Jewish-Americans are required by law to eat crackers and sugarless soda. Their most popular dish is crackers in soup which is called Matzo-Ball Soup (tastes just as good as it looks...). There is a very special relationship between food and Jewish festivals: 'They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!' This is the summary of almost every festival known to Jews so far. What's a Jew's favorite drink? Mountain Jew. Plain, Jewish, and Kosher. Non Kosher food of the type above is totally unacceptable.

There is also a secret formula called manna, a suspected variation of Jew Bread, but the properties are still not well known. When one eats it, it is said to make one completely invincible to one's enemies

Since Jews are disciplined and scrupulous, food is generally expensive, most Jews tend not to even eat that much, but rather sell food; this has been a very, very lucrative industry, especially with the inclusion of Kosher taxes.

Also known as a new delicacy of the Jews is Pork and Shellfish bread, known for its aphrodisiac qualities. Jews have also been used as food through out Poland and are the main ingredient in Polish Sausage.

The blood of Christians used to be a favorite with Jews, but has recently been almost abandoned. The average Jew today only engages in vampirism on holidays and special occasions.

Specifically, they like to eat bagels. The way a Jew eats a bagel denotes their class in their synagogue.

  • Simple congregation members commonly eat plain bagels.
  • Members who have made small donations to the synagogue may eat toasted bagels.
  • The higher echelons of Jews, and those who made large donations, can eat toasted bagels with cream cheese.
  • Only the rabbi and other very important religious figures may eat lox on their bagels.

That was in the Torah too although it was conveniently ommitted from the English transliteration. That is why Reform Jews don't usually follow this rule.

edit =Jewish and German Cuisine

Jews are a delicacy in Germany. Hunting of these mammals was started by Hitler in the late 1930s until tree huggers ended Jew hunting season on the belief that Jews are people too. They are the main ingredient in bratwurst. The traditional German method of cooking Jews is as follows:

  1. Capture live Jews.
  2. Allow Jew to graze on the open pastures of a concentration camp.
  3. Make the Jew dig mass graves to build muscle and result in a meatier Jew.
  4. Marinate Jew in poisonous gas for 1 hour.
  5. Throw the Jew into an oven. Set it to at least 5000 degrees.
  6. Serve with beer and sausage. Serves up to 14 lederhosen-wearing racists.

edit See Also

edit Their race, politics and religion

HA! We should be so lucky! No, we were expected to haul boulders for their pyramids until we were kaput, and for what? A palmful of salt and a slice of unleavened bread! We realized that if we were ever going to be able to quit with the hard labor and move to something a little more white collar, we'd have to raise our asking price. After all, who will care if poor Berechiah gets pinned under a stone if we're literally a dime a dozen? It all started with one bright young economist: Nathan Noah Naomi Neriah Immanuel Moses. His friends called him Nate, but they're all kaput, so he's Moses now. But let me tell you more about this whole slavery history'.

Jews through the methods of imposing organized religion, capitalism, socialism and political correctness have successfully made the "Goyim" (Gentiles) not to discuss, question and get anywhere near the subjects of race, politics and religion. One reason is the Jews are racially distinct from the Goyim, the kind of politics or government they established is only for THEIR benefit, and their religion is made up full of lies, myths and superstituous bullcrap the Goyim (Christians, Muslims and Atheists) fell for like the Gentiles they are.

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