Honduras

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Whirled Map
Honduras might be part of earth.


Honduras is a fairly small country. It is about the size of Tennessee, but has far fewer rednecks, and also, a refreshing dearth of Bill Frist. Honduras is located in the southern part of the northern hemisphere and may border a few countries, here and there. Specifically, it butts up against Guatemaltecamango on the north, El Matador on the west and Nicotina on the south and east. Nearby, but not bordering, countries are Cosa Nostra, Belizielzebub and Panamania.

Toponym

"Honduras" is Spanish for "Depths". This name was given by Christopher Columbus whose ships got stuck by the coast of that country due to lack of favourable winds... When he finally managed to take his ships out, he praised God by saying: "Gracias a Dios que hemos salido de esas honduras (English: "Thanks to God we have come out from those depths")". So "Depths" became the name of the country.

History

Honduras was settled originally by Native Americans, called "Maya" or "Mayanaise", who lived in ruins, like the famous ones near the town of Copán; since western civilization has little regard for Native Americans, their history or their culture, and we are western and fairly civilized, we shall say no more about them here.

After a while, some Spaniards came along and taught the theretofore uncivilized natives all about civilization. The Spanish lessons consisted largely of oppression, repression, suppression, and, at times, good old fashioned slavery, with a dash of slaughter thrown in for flavor. After a while, most of the natives tired of their lessons, and resisted; the primary method of their resistance took the form of dying. This resistance had the desired effect, as the Spanish stopped oppressing, repressing and suppressing the natives soon after they died.

Soon, with no "others" to oppress, etc., the Spanish had little choice but to begin oppressing themselves. This has largely continued until today, with various Hondurans oppressing various other, weaker Hondurans. Popular among oppressees are labor rights advocates, workers, environmental advocates, human rights advocates and mimes.

Geography

The land of Honduras is bumpy and ridgy. In the north there are beaches and banana trees. Also some towns and people. Horses and goats, too. Pigs as well. Also a lot of dogs, at least two (Aþelbert and Peluchín) of which have emigrated to the U.S. and now live on a farm near a town in Virginia called Greenbush. This is all true. The climate is hot. It rains sometimes. It gets dark at night. Inland, there tend to be far fewer beaches, but more hills. Between many hills one may find valleys; then again, one may not; mostly this depends on whether one looks for them. To the south, there are some towns and a big bridge, which one can see a picture of on the old version of the 100 limpopo bill. (The limpopo is the Honduran unit of currency other than bananas.) There are many trees in Honduras. There is also some grass and there are even some cactuses. There are a lot of palm trees and coconuts grow on some of them. Coconuts are good, though most doctors recommend that people not let them fall on their heads, as coconuts tend to be heavy and rather hard.

Culture

File:Idol wideweb 470x334,0.jpg
Just another Saturday night with nothing to do...

Honduras has some culture, which is a useful thing for any country to have. Some of its culture takes the form of freakish rituals like the yearly nance orgy. This happens when the nances (pronounced "NON-say" by Hondurans and "NAN-say" by gringos) ripen and are picked, sold and eaten by all kinds of Hondurans. Nances are evil little vomit-flavored yellow berries sent to earth by the devil himself to plague and torment normal humans. There is truly no experience like tooling down the highway on a chicken bus filled with nance addicts when it begins to rain, at which time all the windows go up and the normal nance-hating humans are overpowered by a toxic miasma of puke-smelling nance fumes that can melt one's eyeballs on contact. There is also no experience like being branded up the anus by mimes wielding red-hot potato mashers, but that doesn't mean one should try that either.

Other than nances, there are many other aspects of Honduran culture that I am far too lazy to go into here. And, for speaking of laziness, yes, it's said that Hondurans are lazy, but, I wouldn't blame them... The Spaniard were very lazy themselves, so they had slaves (lazy people have slaves, what can we do? Que sera, sera). The Spaniard settlers in Honduras depended on slaves even to have their asses wiped after using the toilet and such situation led the Hondurans to believe that to be lazy is to be White, Christian and civilized, while to work is to be a savage, and since Hondurans wanted to be as much civilized as their Spaniard masters, they decided to quit working. Well, this is not a Honduran issue only, it actually happened in the whole Latin America.

Economy

Honduras' economy is not diverse, as it depends mainly upon the growth, sale, export and consumption of bananas and banana related narcotics. Bananas are even sometimes used as a form of currency. Another major export of Honduras is flan, which is mined via open-pit mining across the country. Despite having abundant natural deposits of flan and other minerals (such as lint and guacamole), Honduras remains relatively poor due to the fact that 99% of the population went on a road trip to follow the Grateful Dead in a beat-up minibu] back in 1976. The sole remaining inhabitant, Juan Valdez, spends most of his time mining flan with his faithful donkey, Pedro.

The official currency of Honduras is the limpopo (lp), or "limp" for short which has an officially-set exchange rate at 15,000 per yen, or 281 per penguin. It is widely known that Hondurans cannot afford their own currency, and as a result, use the wikipedian as a substitute currency, as this was the only thing found to be more worthless than their currency.

Honduras is a major importer of tentacle hentai porn, air, mimes and Lionel Richie.

The Honduran national bird is the mosquito, and its most important source of food is... the mosquito.

Demographics

Hondura's economy consists of what would translate to an entire $20 dollars (about 450 trillion Honduran dollars) Hondura's richest man has $17 of the $20 dollars in Honduras. 90% of its people tend to be of one race and language, and the other 10% might belong to several minorities.

Honduras has the largest population of Gypsies in the world, being one of the two places in the world (Honduras and Utah) where the government does not collect a gypsy tax. Unfortunately, gypsies are not counted in the census and are usually second-class citizens due to the Traditional Hondurian Social System (THSS) and since the majority of gypsies are refugees from the Jamaican-Turkmenistani War.

People

The people are normally not so retarded and not so keen to invite strangers into their homes. Some work in the fields, others work in the bananas and yet other live like the rest of the country not working at all. There are two major gender groups in Honduras: men and women. The population is not that large for a country of 43,278 square miles but it is certainly larger than what most Americans think it is. The pride of Honduran people is too think they can outdrink people from other countries. Finally, most people are easy going and are like dude from the Big Lebowski. The people there are surrendering cowards, as they did in Iraq and World War 2.

Carlos Estrada

Carlos is a dueche of a guy that might be from Honduras but if he's not I don't care. Carlos Estrada lives near and is friends with "Big Black" Aaron. Estrada is, like, 600 feet tall and looks like he's made of churroes, plus this great big beaner behemoth plays with miniatures! I mean, seriously! Why would a guy this big (and violent) build miniature elves and orcs?! What an asshole! Anyway, Carlos is a medical marvel because his vocal cords are only able to create the phrase "Forth Hole", as such it is impossible to understand him unless you understand the way he's SAYING it.


Diana Gonzalez

You know that one deuche bag that says "The pentagon has 7 side" and you say "Nu-uh, it has 5" but the dumb bitch wont listen so you go onto Wikipedia and print out pages of information on the pentagon and even print out the exact picture of the pentagon and of a pentagon and the definition of a pentagon and she still says "Doesn't matter, I was right" and you go home and slit your wrists from having known and been in contact with someone that stupid? BAM! In a nutshell.

Politics

The current leader of Honduras is this guy. The government is a "democracy", which differs from a traditional democracy (without quotation marks) in that its citizens only refer to it ironically. It has two major political parties, the Nacional and the Liberal. The Nacional Party took its name from Cerveza Nacional (National Beer), which was the worst of the 4 beers made in Honduras, and was so bad they stopped making it in 2002. Though the Nacional Party is also bad, it has not yet stopped the manufacture and sale of Nacional politicians as of 2006. There are approximately 23,670 minor parties, some of which are so small they are still seeking their first member. The capital of Honduras is Tegucigalpa -Te-coochy-coochy-ya-ya-ga-ga-coochy-coochy-ya-ya-here-mocca-choca-lata-ya-ya-creole-lady-marmelade-ooooh-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi-ce-soir-galpa. yup!!!!

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