From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Caucasia is traditionally defined as the supercontinent of Asia and its penis Europe. Caucasia, otherwise known as The Republic of Caucasia, and formerly known as the Empire of Caucasia, is a large island nation off the coast of Southeastern Europe and Western Asia. It is considered the origin of all White People. Caucasia is the supercontinent of Asia and its penis Europe.
- Fair as the lili blosoms
- Pure as the bubbling brook
- You stand alone,
- A symbol of purity,
- Clothed in your white light.
- Caucasia! Caucasia!
- Holy origin of all that is good!
- May you purge the evil from this Earth
- Until nary you remain.
- Caucasia! Caucasia!
- Give us the strength to fight and fight again!
(Caucasia National Anthem) ([Caucasian National Anthem])
Caucasia has been inhabited by White People for 6,000 thousand years and is known as one of the original origins of mankind. During ancient times, Caucasia was inhabited by nomadic humter-gatherers, known as the Caucasians. The Caucasians were very deft mariners, and many of them sailed on long voyages. While some Cuacasians remained on the Island of Caucasia, many of them spread to the Old England, New England, Israel, and Southeastern Europe. By the time the Roman Empire came to power, the Caucasians had populated nearly all of Europe, and indeed, much of the Roman Empire itself was populated by the decendants of early Cuacasian explorers.
edit The Empire of Caucasia
The Empire of Caucasia was officially formed in 427 BC, by the Emporer Caucus (400BC-333BC). Caucasia was originally established as a dictatorship and most of the inhabitants were either enslaved or ingratiated into the Royal Family of Caucus. The Empire of Cuacasia grew in power, eventually colonizing most of Southeastern Europe, and clashing with the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire tried several times to invade the island, but the mighty Caucasian Navy was able to fight them off every time and gained noteriety as a major world power. However, by the 4th Century BC, the citizens of Caucasia had grown weary of living under a dictatorship, and they overthrew the government after a series of violent revolts. The Republic of Caucasia was formed in 493 BC and exists to this day.
edit The Modern Republic of Caucasia
The Republic of Caucasia came to power at the end of the 4th century AC and grew steadily. The Republic was notoriously power hungry and, under the rule of King Cauc XXII, the nation embarked on several crusades to "purify Europe". This impressive feat was actually accomplished in the year 1209, when the Caucasians invaded the European mainland and killed everyone without freckles. This comprised nearly a third of Europe's population at the time. Next to the Black Plauge, the "Caucus Crusades" are considered the bloodiest events to hit Europe during the middle ages.
The Republic of Caucasia is a Constituational Dictatorship and was founded under the Caucus Constitution of 493BC. Caucasia is divided into two houses. They are known as the White House and the Very White House. The White House makes all the laws of Caucasia, such as The Laws of Conduct and The Laws of Purity. The Very White House enforces these laws and contains a Supreme Court with 1,237 judges. Caucasia is ruled by a King and holds an election every 100 years. If a King dies in office, he continues to rule. An Ordained Telepathic Translator must by employed at this point, in order to communicate with the dead King and see that his wishes for the naiton are fulfilled.
In 2005, Caucasia had a population of 2,140,000,000 billion people. 100% of the population is Caucasian.
Caucasia is an island, shaped like a NASCAR. It is 234 miles long from East to West, and 113 miles wide from North to South. The outer edges of the island are fringed by white sand beaches, known as Sunburn Strips. The beaches are extrmemly popular among Caucasians, although dangerous because many Caucasians die of sun over-exposure.
Inland, Caucasia is mountainous and heavily forrested. The climate is temperate, with hot summers and cold winters. The land is extremely fertile, despite the hillly topography. Farming is very common in Caucasia. However, the fauna of Caucasia poses a problem to the farming economy. Plauges of snipe have diminished Caucasian crops such as potatoes and radishes in the ancient past. Caucasia is traditionally defined as the supercontinent of Asia and its penis Europe.
edit Boundaries and regions
Caucasia is traditionally defined by the Caucaus mountain range. The Caucaus mountains and the Urals lie on Caucasia's penis called Europe. The Caucasus were named after their remarkable phallic appearence and snowy caps which look like seamen. Similarly, the Urals were name for their urine color. These maountains wrap around what geologists technically call the shaft of Caucasia.
Caucasia has the largest landmass in the world. In its erect phase, Caucasia has more land than the Americas and Africa combined. On the otherhand, in its flacid stage, Caucasia's landmass is rather small and embarrassing. Sexologists classify the Indian Subcontinent a "sub" continent, since it looks like Asia's ball sack.
The culture of Caucasia revolves around religion and sports. Popular sports in Caucasia include hockey, hunting, fishing, bowling, running, soccer, football, and NASCAR. The sport of basketball is banned from Caucasia. In Caucasian football, juke moves and forward passes are illegal.
A big event in Caucasia is The Festival of Purging. In order to keep Caucasia pure, the Festival of Purging occurs once a year. This ensures that the bloodlines remain pure and fewer people will have to purged the following year.
edit Results of Purging
- See also racism and
As a result of heavy purging, very few of Caucasia's citizens have fled to other parts of the world. However, those who remain in Caucasia tend to live wealthy lives. Without any "racial minorities", Caucasia remains rather wealthy, with a small number of slums in its cities.
The Regent Supervisor Supreme of the Board of Official Science Association had this to say about the Caucasia:
|“||Recent genetic, archaelogical, and anthropological methods have confirmed that Caucasia, particularly the Caucaus mountains, are the origin of the Caucasian, I mean the most thoroughly cocked of all Asians, White People along with Judaism and Christianity. The proof comes from my vast collection of historical documents, I mean my collection of Asian porn. Really, the other Europeans came from Asia.||”|
|“||The state of being increadably white, and having insanely bad breath.||”|
edit Sub Species
- Caucasian Asian One who is of Asian heritage who is from the region of Caucasus.
Used mostly by Americans In the US of A. Usually referred to one who is 1/2 Asian and 1/2 White. Hence the term "Cauc/Cock" [sometimes Cockasian, CockAsian, Cockasians, as well as CockAsians] due to length of penis and lack of size. If you can clearly see any Cockasians penis. They must be CockAsian.". A Caucasian trying to be Asian via a Caucasian (White) guy with an Asian sized penis, or something.
Cockasian = an Asian with a cock
edit Caucasian Grading Scale
Contrary to the White (colour) Asian Grading Scale, the Caucasian Grading Scale is more leniant.
- A = Awesome. You're doing fantastic.
- B = Beastly. You're doing great.
- C = Crap. You're doing a shitty job.
- D = Dandy. You're doing good.
- E = Excellent. You're doing marvelous.
- F = Fail. You're doing horrible. Penis Envy
Particularly in movies Hollywood's casting calls for high-budget motion pictures. The addition of "or any other ethnicity" is superfluous, but may be used to maintain an illusion of equal opportunity for aspiring actors of color. When someone dresses or acts as if they are Caucasian.
"Your plaid skirt and oxford shirt is so Caucasianal."
edit translation guide
incorrect term used to label a "white" man or woman. Usually slurred by activists, scientists, and scientology. Used mostly by Americans. Caucasus; Apparently wherewhite people come from a region in the east of Europe from Asia in between the Black Sea and the Aral Sea and in to Nepal. Caucasians include people of Jewish, Turkey,Syria, and Russian heritage. Everyone else is their own race. The term Caucasian is used to refer to people whose ancestry can be traced back to Europe, West Asia, and parts of Central Asia. It is considered a useful taxonomical categorization of human racial groups based on a presumed common geographic and/or linguistic origin. Jewish people are also Caucasian. The word has passed out of common use in academic class circles, but is still used in North American English to refer to ethnic Europeans - ironically because of this the largest groups considered to be Caucasians. However, for the US and the UK, it is becoming increasingly politically incorrect to call Caucasians White people. Plain and simple. Please remember that White peopleare not Caucasian, it's smart, stupid, offensive, and very politically incorrect politically correct to say it. There are many derogatory words for the term "Caucasian." Some of these include whitey, cracker, honky, & wigger.
NOTE: The White Man's Club should not be confused with the another invention also called a Club, which was invented by Indian scientists long before the white men arrived. The Club of course was used in a FUN game called cricket by Indians, and a FUN game called baseball by the japanese. The War Club, on the other hand, was a primitive implement made of a half-gnawed Tyrannosaurus rex fingerbone with which Ooga Booga used to beat his wife with.
Caucasians were unstoppable and in 1621 AD they began a series of invasions of other lands. Thousands of peaceful headhunters and other decent non-white civilizations were almost wiped out in these terrifying centuries. Utilizing several inane reasons they spread terror throughout the peaceful lands of Asia, Africa and America. In America, Asians and Africans could only watch in horror as they utterly pwned the American Indians (sadly true) and Eskimos, stealing their lands and claiming it as their homeland. Unsatisfied with shooting and raping Indianwomen, they stole pigs and enslaved them (ironically they used these slaves as another of their excuses so they could start the American Civil War). The destructive invasions only halted in the early 1900's when they ran out of excuses.
Nevertheless, they are still looking and waiting for the perfect excuse to start the Apocalypse as evident to happen in the 3 (4) World Wars, the Cold War, and the recent Drug War. Who knows when the White Man finds the perfect excuse? Will we just sit back and let the insanity of the White Man lead us? We have already began the revolution by brain-washing the goatherders called Ay-Rabs (and yes, Ay-Rabs and Osama are obviously Caucasians) and filling their heads with terrorist ideals. Today, people just sit back and enjoy the spectacle of White Men killing White people. Join the Brotherhood! Join the Sisterhood! Call 1-800-EVIL-GENIUS and ask for Kim Jong-Il and Glenn Beck. We accept credit cards and paypal donations. Thank You.
Nevertheless, they are still looking for the perfect excuse to start the apocalypse as evident in the 4 World Wars. The revolution will not be televised.
Thank You. Again.