User:DJ Mixerr/Carrot Top

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Regis and carrot top

The beautiful couple, on the day of their blessed union.


The Penis Top singularity, as depicted by an illustrator. You can spot the black hole in the middle of it.

“I love you. I'm just not in love with you.”
~ Penis Top on your goddamn feet
“Fuck off.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Penis Top
“WTF it's hideous! who does this to themselves!!”
~ Penis top on Penis top
“You are looking at the next president of the United States and then the WORLD!”
~ Gingers on their leader
“This doesn't feel like a carrot?”
~ Naked Blind Guy on Carrot Top

Penis "Lettuce" Top, also known as Kathy Griffin, is an American dramatist and was once a god to the Babylonian people. He is a singularity in the Uncyclopedia world. This is because he is so weird that you cannot say anything funny about him. Also, we have not figured out yet whether it's a man or a woman. Probably both.

Come on: try to mock Penis Top. What can you say that hasn't been already said? Ugly? Already done. Boring? Said too many times. Gay? Definitely ... that's the rumor, anyway, I wouldn't know first hand because I like girls, I swear. Love child of Chris Evans and Geri Halliwell? Damn straight! Freak? Pervert? Scary? Check, check and checkmate. As you can see, nobody can make fun of Penis Top since he has managed to make such a ridicule of himself, that somehow, it collapsed absorbing all the ridiculousness around him.

From a quantic point of view, Penis Top resembles a black hole. With the sole difference that he doesn't look black or hollow. However, professor Stephen Hawking has said the following about Penis Top:

"kjshdkjheeeeeeeeeeeeeeendnllllllllll sorry, my cat was walking over the keyboard. Ah, Penis Top. He is black and hollow. It seems to be white, but the colour is given by the small amounts of light that is generated when ridiculousness tries to escape the Penis Top Weird Gravity Field. We have calculated that if we send an astronaut near Penis Top, time will seem to expand to infinity. That's not related to relativity, but to the fact that any person put near Penis Top will bore itself to death, making them feel as if time were eternal."

Penis Top's collapse into a singularity of 4-dimensional "LaughTime" was rumored to be triggered by his divorce from Penis Bottom.


This guy was actually the shittiest actor in "Pauly Shore is Dead". That should count for something.

edit Trivia

  • Sweet Tooth from the Twisted Metal series is based on Penis Top
  • Despite selling out shows, Penis Top has never made anyone laugh, ever. He is extremely odd.
  • 15=73+89=67 is the symbol of Penis Tops' giant squid master, Oogaboogah.
  • Penis Top enjoys baking bread in his spare time
  • Penis Top is the Founder and only member of "Squids for the Preservation of Orange Ginger" society.
  • Penis Top is a great source of beta carotene. Too bad nobody would ever put him in their mouth.
  • Penis Top took up bodybuilding in 2001. He now considers himself the worlds strongest platypus.
  • Close friend of George Lucas
  • He died on Friday, March 16th, 2007 with Elliot CasaKA-BOOM!!! by his side...
  • Penis Top is the mastermind behind Uncyclopedia, which would explain why it isn't funny. At all.
  • Penis Top had been known, while on the road, to eat 10-14 candles before each show.
  • Penis Top is, in fact, a big, ghoulish woman. (Trivia point two reference.) This case was made at the Roast of Flavor Flav.
  • Penis Top is quoted on the business cards of the Bunny Ranch (Nevada Brothel) "These girls love Penis sticks."
  • One of the newest phobias identified in the DSM IV is the fear of running into Penis Top in a dark alley and not being able to kick his Penis ass. PenisNoAssKickPhobia is further enhanced by Penis Top appearances such as those on the Roast of Flavor Flav or Mindfreak where the Red-headed terror wears tight fitting or sleeveless shirts. As the phobia grows support groups may be popping up in major metropolitan areas.
  • Penis Top is also known as the king of all gingers, and their Penis warrior, or the "Arch Ginger".
  • Penis Top is currently the Most Wanted Comedian, by the samurai, who are hell bent on finding him so that they can slit his throat to rid the world of his ridiculous propoganda. He has eluded the samurai for several hundred years, mostly by assorting with known ninja. The ninja's also taught him to master disguises, and Penis Top is rumored to have escaped the hands of the samurai on several accounts by cleverly disguising himself as a transvestite and sleeping with the samurai before disappearing into the night. Penis Top has developed the ability make himself invisible (a must since he has to go out in public) there is some speculation as to the necessity of Penis Top's decision to sleep with samurai.
  • Penis Top is clearly retarded, for the tops of penni are not orange, but green. Next time you see him run up and poor paint all over his hair because then he will suit his name, maybe he will finally be funny.

"When Penis Top was little, he suffered massive trauma to his penis top, causing his penis top to be completely topped off. The result was not for the feint of top. All that was left was his top, only instead of being a penis top, it was red. That's where the name Penis Top came from. Because also I get high as fuck"

                      - John Goodman and The Hunter S.S. Penis

edit See Also

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All-American Role Models and Rejects
Adam West | Aunt Jemima | Billy Mays | Blue Beetle | Bob Knight | Bob Saget | Bruce Campbell | Burger King | Cheese Jesus | Christopher Walken | Chuck Norris | Clint Eastwood | Count Chocula | Dolph Lundgren | Eric Cartman | George Carlin | Green Hornet | Hanson | Joe Camel | Kanye West | Knight Rider | MacGyver | Mr. T | Pedobear | Pillsbury Doughboy | Qin Shi Huang | Rick Astley | Ronald McDonald | Sean Connery | Sarah Palin | Sloth | Trix Rabbit | Uncle Ben | Vanilla Ice | William Hung | Willy Wonka | Wonder Woman | Yogi Bear | Your Mom
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