User:DJ Irreverent/Metropolis

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Affiche-metropolis copy
“It was, uh, alright... a bit to, ah, bourgeois for my liking, I guess you could, ah, say. Nothing beats Nihlistown though, absolutely, um, nothing.”
~ Peter Bogdanovich on his review for I Hear an Ethnic Family Moved in Next Door; The Official Gated Community Monthly.

Brought to you by the fine people at Dystopia Developments, Metropolis is a community evocative of a kinder, more wholesome time when men were men, women were robots and films were seen and not heard. Yet it also contains the absolute best modern technology has to offer - German Expressionism at its finest[1] set in the heart of the suburbs.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about DJ Irreverent/Metropolis.

edit Lifestyle

Metropolis is divided into three diverse "environs": one of planners or thinkers, free from the mindless distractions of prime-time TV and organized religion. Another of workers, free from the headache-inducing concerns of politics, economics and basic hygiene. There are also the ducks, but they tend to keep to the pond if you if give them enough bread. The community is presided over by Mayor Johann "Honest Joh" Fredersen; elected twice in a row, currently serving his 5th term.

edit Design

Babel Boutique Apartments

Built upon the finest backs of the finest workers money can exploit. Absolute opulence... and then some - the Babel tower is the

and thanks to the revolutionary Schüfftan building process you can look twice as pretentious for only four times the price... even in winter!

Wealthy Heir's opinion ~

Only a 37 volume wine list! What is this shit!? The dark ages!?
Metropolis house1
Le Maison-Travail

Two bedrooms, five steam rooms and revolution-front views make this cozy family house perfect for work and play. Industrial design meets Streamline Moderne with easy access to the M1, M23 and M-Machine!

You and your fellow work units[2] will love the varied activities we can provide you with; from operating dials to operating slightly larger dials.

Finance a problem? With our repay-as-you-toil fixed loan options you will own your home in next to.. uh.. carry the 1.. to the power of 4.. sometime.

Panicky Worker #14's opinion ~

My 2.7 children and I love this place... I hear my guest room has dualist possibilities.
Home of the Week

Looking for the perfect place to make your hideous experiments but don't have the budget for a Transylvanian castle? Well you have found it... yeah its just around the corner... I could give you a map or something... However this one does have a Van de Graaff generator that doubles as a pool table.

Lavishly appointed in the finest home-wares from such godless designers as Baron Üßêŗşĉħĭtżęŀ, Count Von Lederhosen and Ikea, this place provides the perfect base for you to work from. Family/Dungeon room possibilities!

Rotwang's opinion ~

My verk ist ruined, ruined! Do not mix ze blue vit ze Maschinenmensch!


edit Testimonials

In a recent survey we asked our residents what they like most about Metropolis...

I love the design... particularly the windows. That Lang really puts the ohhh in Art Deco... no that doesn’t mean I will be returning the jewelry.
~ Shifty-eyed but probably well meaning visitor
Well I have been looking for a place to settle down with a few strapping Aryan virgins and forget about this whole "Kampf" business. They do serve watermelon don't they? What? Only metaphors?!
~ Rather ineffectual looking man with quite a stylish mustache
That bastard stole my idea! I pioneered this 40 years in the future!? Don't shoo me away with that broom, I pioneered that to!
~ H. G. Wells

edit Other Developments

Me02 00401 l

Our upcoming Japanese development, just like the original except with lasers... and pantie dispensers[3]

1984, Dystopia Waters

Our premier retirement village on the east side. We realize how dangerous the modern city is, from pistol wielding youths to machete concealing newborns, all out to step on your perfectly manicured lawn.

So ensure your security we have installed surveillance screens in every room and done away with the whole free thought thing. And stairs. We have however kept only the best bits of modern life - cheap gin and daytime TV[4].

And thanks to our revolutionary neighborhood watch service any little ruffian even thinking about spray painting an unwholesome word on your doubleplusgood wall will be given a stern (but fair) talking to.

Sadly our planned expansion into land currently illegally occupied by the Eastasia Nursing Home is on hold as councilor Emmanuel Goldstein has taken every chance to block our our building application. However with 35 46 58 new villas opening each month it is more than enough to satisfy our happy customers.

Remember, Ignorance is Strength. Freedom is Slavery. Water is Peaceful.

Glade Runner

Our upcoming Los Angeles development providing the very best of modern, urban living. We have gone out of our way to replicate the best neighbors possible, from the Humble-working-family Model to the Crazy-old-lady-with-a-million-cats. With its vibrant underground scene Glade Runner - if nothing else - will remind you of how bad fashion was in the 80s.

Made available on 2 and 4 year timeshare models, it is guaranteed to create some great memories!

edit Contact Details

Metropolis is open for inspection every day (except for revolution season). Just call 97753331 and ask for Fritz, unless it's a Friday (when he has to pick his son up from soccer practice) then you should ask for Franz, unless its after 3pm (soccer practice) in which case you should seek Friedreik, but only after midday (contemplating the failings of capitalist society).

edit Notes

  1. not the socks and sandals type...
  2. Or "family" as they call it in the cafes of Paris.
  3. A building safety requirement in Japan since 1993
  4. Specifically that one episode of Antique Roadshow Period Drama visits the Duck Pond; Hosted by Big Brother
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