User:Crazyswordsman/IJesus 2.0

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Ijesus

Jesus is a well known fan of Apple. Seen in the picture is iJesus 2.0 - with a MacBook Pro, iPod and an iSight (HE CAN SEE ALL!). He is also a bluetooth and WiFi certified device.

edit History

Invented in 1932 by Ralph Wiggum (formerly known as "that guy who eats your garbage"), the iJesus 2.0 is one of Apple's greatest successes and a vast improvement over the original iJesus. Apple technicians are currently working on an "iJesus 3.0: The Resurrection", which is believed to be able to connect to a USB Bible and send Bible verses at speeds of up to 12ppm (prayers per minute).

edit Specs

Jesus own brand

The iJesus 2.0 has 40TB RAM, a 26-core Intel Jesium Processor, 1 Googlebyte of storage space and the ability to connect up to the universal "heaven" feature. The iJesus 2.0 is also a Bluetooth and WiFi compatible device.


edit iSight

The iJesus 2.0 contains an iSight camera to SEE AND RECORD ALL. The iJesus 2.0 constantly takes 4,600 photos per minute and wirelessly uploads them to iGod. (Only in iWiFi hotspots). It can also see 7 minutes into the future, a vast improvement over the original, which could only see things 7 seconds after they occurred.

edit Additional information

The iJesus

The J-Man loves his iJesus 2.0.

The iJesus 2.0 has the ability to sprout inflatable legs in order to walk on water, giving users the ability to listen to their favourite music in the bath or swimming pool. It also contains a minibar with a water-into-wine feature.

The iJesus 2.0 is said to be the best magician ever, including curing sick and old people by touch. Also, it is said to be able to split up food into infinite amounts, so someone will be sending one to Africa any minute now. This is also said to actually be a load of bollocks as said in the iBible.

edit iBible

The iBible is an accesory for the iJesus 2.0 talking about its history. However this is grossly exagerated and very controversial because the New Testiment said the complete oposite of the Old Testimant.

edit Potential hazards

Controversy has surrounded the iJesus 2.0 ever since the potential risk of fanatical dogmatism was discovered, when a user decided to start a religious crusade. The iJesus 2.0 was not taken off the market, however, because of the process of iDesecularization began by iSenator Joe iMcarthey in the 1950s.

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