From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

User:Craw1 is an All-American company that manufactures craw. Its headquarters is located in Chicago, Illinois.

edit Foundation

In the early 1920s, the up-and-coming arts major Amelia Clinton left college to start a small business. This business ultimately failed. At about the same time elsewhere, a man named Tom Loder founded User:Firkin1 Incorporated, a company dedicated to the production of firkin. Facing a growing decline in the firkin market, Tom moved his company into the manufacture of craw. User:Craw1 Incorporated saw great success, and became a major brand name. As Tom reportedly stated "Things are going very well. Nothing can possibly go wrong". Tom died of a mysterious set of bullet wounds shortly after making the statement. Following Mr. Loder's death, his twin brother Cain reluctantly took over the business, reluctantly married Tom's hot widow, and reluctantly insisted that everyone refer to him as Tom from now on.

edit Great Depression

During the Roaring Twenties, User:Craw1 invested heavily in the splartzflooey market, which, as we all know, was one of the industries most impacted by the Great Depression. Suffering heavy losses, Cain Tom reluctantly sold User:Craw1 in 1929 and reluctantly lived off of the massive amount of money he still had. The business changed hands quite a few times during the depression, until it finally fell to Gloria Ivanov. Mrs. Ivanov reversed the company's dept with her brilliant strategies, turned the tables on the economy with remarkable marketing skills, and rotated her new business 180 degrees with her protractor. Among her most notable practices was beating the living hell out of her competitors. This practice has since been adopted and improved upon by many other companies, such as Microsoft and Monsters Inc. The Ivanov family has since maintained its influence over User:Craw1. Today, User:Craw1 is one of the world's leading producer of craw and craw by-products.

edit See also

edit References

Personal tools