User:Contestant/title

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Title is the first vaccine to be approved for general usage for the cure of male homosexuality. Crafted by Pat Robertson under the funding of Familymeds Incorporated. The vaccine has been heavily criticized since its development was first announced, mainly because people think that being gay is just totally darling.

edit History

The idea that homosexuality was caused by a virus was first postulated by Pope John Paul II early in his Papacy. After careful analysis of high concentration areas of homosexuals, he claimed that heterosexuality was altered by a contagious virus most commonly spread in urban cities like San Francisco, California and Miami, Florida.

The Pope's claims were not verified until the late 1990s, when a scientific group led by Jerry Falwell announced that they had discovered and isolated the virus, which the group named Falwellus after their leader.

It was then when the Vatican invested huge amounts of money into this scheme and were prepared to accept any solutions put forward to them.

edit Early Solutions

edit Abort the Babies

Abortion was presented to the Vatican as it seemed the only way at the time to eliminate potential homosexual threat. However after little consideration the Vatican turned down this option because it was apparently against their religion.

edit The Final Solution

All homosexual babies to be executed in gas chambers therefore eliminating any threat of them depleting the human race. Again, was denied because apparently there was some bad connotations with Nazi rule during the 1930s. People do believe that if there was a German Pope at the time, this would have gone ahead.

edit Falwellus

Falwellus works by attaching itself to testicular cells and injecting its genetic material. The material alters the production of testosterone hormones. Scientists are admittedly unsure of the exact nature of the alteration to testosterone, but they concur that the altered testosterone causes the male brain to convert sexual attraction from females to male tagets.

edit The vaccine

Title works by boosting the immune system's response to Falwellus. It delivers a weakened version of Falwellus injected into the carotid artery, as far as reasonably possible from the testicular area. As the virus does laps around the body, the immune system generates antibodies to defend against it. Clinical trials have shown a near-perfect effectiveness rating.

edit Criticism

Some groups have heavily criticized the vaccine, calling it "a blow against gay rights,"[1] "a slap in the face ... to the gay community,"[2] and "such a prick thing to do, you whore."[3]

edit Footnotes

  1. Statement from GLAAD, May 15, 2006.
  2. Statement from PFLAG, May 14, 2006.
  3. Statement from Elton John, May 16, 2006.

edit On this article:

Things to determine:

  • The name. Homonixer? Gayway? Heteromaker? Defabulousnater?
  • ...The name again.
  • Expand solutions section
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