User:ConqueringKong/Taser Tag

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Long hours I have used spent playing Taser Tag with my friends. In my work and my leisure I played taser tag. Maybe that is why I didn't get nominated.”
~ Joe Lieberman on Taser Tag

242 Day

Note:Do have fun playing taser tag. Don't play taser tag with highly flameable clothes.

edit The Basics

The great sport of taser tag focuses on the use of electric taser on hot human death action. A real All-American sport where the bigger the balls will give more natural skill and the higher chance of being tasered there. The electric taser is one of histories greatest weapon. It used by Jesus, The U.S. Army, and woman who jog at night. Taser tag is one of the rising sports in the world. The game is being played in almost any settings and in almost every condition making is fun for children playing it in their spider domes or the monkey gyms or adults turning their office conference rooms in to a taser tag maze. The game taser tag can be separated in to three sub-games, really! Take a look:

  • Capture the Flag-You are put in to two evens teams. The game is then play like normal school Capture the Flag. The only difference is that you are down by electric injury/death.
  • Aim Combat-This time you are on your own. You a pre-decided time limit where you score or lose points by hittng body parts they are:
                                  *Head=90 points
                                  *Arms=40 points
                                  *Torso=60 points
                                  *Genitals=30 points (complete mutilation +60 points)
                                  *Legs=20 points
                                  *Catching the Golden Snitch=140 points. Game Ends
                                  *Missing Target= -30 points
                                  *Hitting yourself= -80 points
                                  *Hitting someone who is having a heart attack= Priceless
  • Free For All-You strip your freedoms and testes attacked to increase aggression. You will live in a confined cell for the next 30 days. On the 31st day you are released in a jungle with nothing but your taser and the hate in your blood. You will hunt down your rivals and even your best friends. Your loved ones will only be released as soon you are that last one standing. But still as you look on to the burned bodies that you left there. You realized there is never a real winner and you walk down the empty street knowing that you will live with your curse forever.


Unfortunately bad picture of the Founder and C.E.O. of T.I.T.S.

edit T.I.T.S. (formerly known as N.A.M.B.L.A.)

T.I.T.S. (Tag Involving Tasers Society) is a professional sports league that resides in the U.S.A. They have currently have 11 teams that play 65 games a season. Five of them can be found in the Western Division and the rest in the East Division. Of coruse none in the midwest because tasers can't work will surrounded by shit and redneck snaks.

Jack Black watches his favorite team play as a Miami Mammary season ticket holder.

You can easily find some of the many T.I.T.S 11 teams here:
              *The Los Angles Lobules
              *Atlanta Areola
              *The Miami Mammary
              *The New York Nipples
              *Portland Gorps
              *Seattle Skin
              *The Eurka Estrogen
              *The Carson City Coopers Ligaments 
              *Charlotte Claicles
              *The Indianapolis Colts
              *Boston Wickly Cool Bunch
              *The New Jersey Doushes


This man has the right man-jewelry to play Taser Tag Ultima with me any day.

edit Taser Tag Ultima

Taser Tag Ultima is almost very similar to Taser Tag. The game is just played little differently. First of all wear something very conductive of electricity. Secondly, the game starts out by all of the players swimming in a Olympic size swim pool for about 30 minutes. Then everyone gets up and puts on there metal heel boots. They then run in the taser tag ultima arena which is a completely covered in iron and the fire alarm sprinklers were on all day (and still are on might I add). After short countdown the game will begin.

Personal tools