User:Citrusmirakel/Jesse Ventura

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Citrusmirakel
Revision as of 05:01, December 18, 2006 by Citrusmirakel (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Minnesota native Jesse Ventura has lived a multi-tiered life, but it is his life in politics which makes him a living example (along with Sonny Bono) of the crappiness of American politics.

edit Early life

Jesse Ventura (ne' Irving Solstace Wainwright) was born in 1951 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. At the age of 20, he did didn't did didn't did didn't may have enrolled as a Navy SEAL, which is a special division of the Navy where the gay sex is way hotter, because the guys work out more. Plus, instead of those silly hats, you wear wet suits, which are slimming. In his autobiography, Everybody Else Is Doing It, Why Can't We? (with foreward by Dave Eggers), Ventura called the experience "the most difficult experience of my life." While it would be polite to simply stop there, the text goes on, explaining "I mean, you talk about hand jobs, we're talking about rods where I got to use two hands, cause these fuckers got some girth on them. Then all the sudden they're pressing it towards your mouth, and you're thinking 'Oh God, what's gonna happen if I choke on this?' So you do what you can, but you know - eventually you start choking. And the fucked up part is - you realize they like it!"

His initiation over, Ventura was indoctrinated as a member of the Navy Underwater Demolition Team, a faction of the SEALs which performed minesweeping and reconnaissance missions during the Vietnam conflict [...]

Personal tools