From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Rugs are mythical creatures from Greece, as mentioned by the philosopher Homer in his famous magnum opus Another 99 Things You Never Knew About Your Furniture. Following the discovery in 1904 by Walter Wallcarpeting that rugs need not be symmetrical, rugs have been produced in all shapes and sizes, often to exactly suit the dimensions of a room. If you want a trapezoidal, 10km by 2cm pink-and-yellow blotchy coloured rug, then you can probably get one. If you know where to look. (Hint: IKEA)

Your average mythological rug was a nine-by-six foot, light blue shag pile rug, with the occasional curry stain here and there, and a burnt bit in the upper right corner where some idiot tried to stub out their cigarette. They have seventy legs on each side, two invisible eyes and a mouth that is permanently contorted into the shape of the letter K.

By some freak space-time continuum random swirly thingybob, a large number of rugs managed to materialise in 1973 in a warehouse just outside Peckham. However, this was during the great clothing shortage of the 1970s, so they were cut up and used to make disco shirts. To this day, only three rugs survive in the wild. One of them was harassed by Steve Irwin live on television in 2002; fortunately, the rug ate him.

Magic carpets are a cool and affordable method of transport, although since they were fitted with transponders, navigation lights and emergency life-rafts at the behest of aircraft manufacturers many simply became too heavy to become airborne and are therefore commonly disguised as ordinary carpets. Some historic examples are held in aviation museums but these are normally not labelled for security reasons.

edit See also

Personal tools