User:Cheapshotfail/Cesspools

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"Where else are we supposed to do female mud wrestling!?" ~U.S. Olympic Team 1976

"Come on in, the water's fine." ~Mutated migratory duck which gained the ability to speak

"A cesspool is a lot like hell, once you go in you can't get rid of the feeling." ~Satan on Cesspools


Cesspools are ponds of pure, or otherwise uncontaminated bathing substances, often found in the yards of wealthy business executives. Common substances found in cespools include reclaimed water, distilled urine and feces, and the occasional remnants of a carcass' decomposition. Cesspools are not to be confused with tar pits, which are often found near them overflowing with the screams of orphans who are having fun playing. Cesspools are found in the mediterranean and the Leftern-Hemisphere, most commonly in the slums of Mexico, which makes them prone to being run by druglords. Fortunately, druglords are extremely gracious hosts and offer you entry to their cesspool for only a one-time fee of $19.99 plus groping and man-handling.

Cesspool Example of unoccupied cesspool. May have suffered an influx of Chocolate Milk.


edit Historical Significance

Cesspools have been seen throughout history since the dawn of the Ass-Syrian empire, where they were used as private pools in the homes of rich bureaucrats. Cesspools were later seen in the Roman empire, used not only by the aristocracy but as public bath houses, although they transmitted AIDS due to lead piping. Cespools have been cited throughout the ages in fine literature, such as in Home-Dawg's Awedessy or in Milkshake Spears' Rodeo and Juliet. Cesspools have been cited in religious texts all the way back to Sodom and Gomorrah as well, which increased the rate of disease transmission in that region. (see Herpes for additional information)

"Then Jason and the embargonauts were welcomed by the bi-clops into its she-man cave, where they bathed together in its cesspool." - Home-Dawg (The Awedessy)

Cesspools have been privately operated since the industrial revolution, where the industrians gained their independence from Soviet regime and spread the technology of cesspools to the world.


edit Herpes

Studies have shown that cespools which are frequented by members of the homosexual community may transmit and breed herpes. Herpes is a painful disease that directly affects the rectal region, but will fortunately disappear within 25 years. If you or a loved one is diagnosed with herpes, quickly spank them with a sharp, rusty object to relieve the burning sensation in the anus. If first aid fails, scream and run in circles around a fire chanting demonic spells until help arrives.

edit Illegal Activity

Highly popular cesspools have been linked to the illegal practices of drug and human trafficking. In fact, in one survey, an anonymous source stated that more humans had passed through a given cesspool as human merchandise than had customers of the cesspool itself. Because of the passing of Proposition 8, national security has cracked down on public or privately owned cesspools and instituted a set of laws and increased surveillance to prevent these activities. If you see someone engaged in illegal practices, report them to the local sheriff to be defiled, shamed and mutilated in the town square to intimidate offenders.

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