Hammarskjöld is often referred to as the benchmark against which later UN Secretaries-General are judged; in part for remaining politically independent throughout his tenure, although mostly for his ability to hammer deep into the New York soil any world leader who went more than 5 minutes over their allotted ranting time on the United Nations lectern. His calm style of mediation and his steady swinging shoulder are regarded as the greatest assets brought to the office by a Secretary-General, at least until Kofi Annan revealed his striking resemblance to Morgan Freeman.
He remains the only U.N. Secretary-General to die in office. However it is unclear whether transitioning to another cosmological level of the magnificent world-tree Yggdrasill counts as a human 'death'; Hammarskjöld was awarded a Nobel Prize posthumously, just in case.
The fourth and youngest son of Hjalmar Hammarskjöld — a former Prime Minister of Sweden — and Freya — Goddess of Fertility, Queen of the Valkyries and Custodian of Death — Dag had descended from a long lineage of Swedes devoted to the public service, diplomacy and suckling the Æsir Gods at Asgard. (more...)
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous, but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive. Most patients eat it every day.
Conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing.
Avoiding food sounds deceptively simple: just don't eat it. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Food is an integral part of most modern diets; indeed most of us eat nothing else. But having something to eat is vital to survival, so the food must be replaced by something else.
But what? It is possible to survive without eating food if one drinks water. If one wants to eliminate such deadly toxins completely, however, water must be avoided as well. All water is chock-full of its own collection of nasties, and if you drink water instead of eating food you will not be any better off. (more...)
23 - Penis apreciation day invented by Jesus. Not realising his mate Judas and the entire roman army was less well hung he would regret it one day.
1963 - Paul Hindemith's pancreas explode, killing him a second time and 36 others a first time as he flew over Lakewurst, New Jersey. The music community rejoices once more.
2004 - Deciding they also liked Mondays superheroes planned a combined assault on Bob Geldoff. After an hour of the Hoff's singing and Mr T's pittying the devastating blow came when Darth Vader told Geldoff who his father was. This caused him to spontaneously combust all over Pauline Fowlers scowl.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!