User:Cat the Colourful/My Aristocrat joke
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A male 34 years old person approaches to a talent agents office. He knocks at the door, and hears the talent agents friendly advice to come inside. When the man has closed the door he quickly starts to yell: 'Itrulyhaveawonderfulactforye!' The talent agent looks terrified. He thinks for a bit, understands that he really didn't understand, and asks: 'What did ye say? Please, dear man, speak slower so I can hear ye.' The man takes a deep breath and says: 'I have this idea; I could tell jokes to people, and they could pay for it! My family is waiting outside, please decide fast, we've come from France, and I'd like if you'd answer me quickly please mr. talent agent!' The agent thinks for a little time and then decides: 'Okay, tell me your little joke, my man.' The man clears his throat and starts:
'So there is this man named Brian, right? So, he approaches to a talent agents office, a one just right this office right here, heheh. He opens the door and sees the talent agent. The man here asks from the agent that if he could perform an act with his family, right? A pervert and violent act, but the agent does not yet know this yet. Okay, so, the agent answers yes and the man takes a machine gun behind him and shots his daughter. Then he shoots his son and rapes both together with his wife, right? After the children are been raped, he starts to sing the South Park-tune, you know that song from that TV-show, right, which he ends by saying Hitler's name three times. He walks to his childrens dead bodies, kicks them few times, rips their heads off and shoots everyone again. Then he shoots his wifes feet off, right, those things with toes at the end of them, right? The wife falls down and the man takes a match from his pocket and sets it on fire. He puts the match over his wifes cloths, and, WHAM, the wife is on fire. Then he walks closer to the shaking talent agent, puts the gun to his forehead and pulls the trigger. Many times. Very, very many times. As the bloody body of the talent agent slowly falls from the talent agents chair, the man puts his hand to the agents mouth, right, takes his tongue, yes, the, the thing inside your mouth, off and puts the tongue to his pants. The man jumps few times on the agents stomache and shoots him again. Again, more than just once. Then the man throws the body of the agent through the window and runs away.'
'Okay, so, well, next day, the polices come to see the dead body of the talent agent. They are watching it, all feeling very ill. The head police, here called as Johnny, watches the dead body and says quietly: "Who could do something like to this man?" Right after the man has said it, that Brian-folk comes, rapes him and answers "The aristocrats!"'
It's very, very quiet. The talent agents mouth is opened from fear and shock as he tries to think something. More silence. Then the agent stands up, takes a rope under his desk, takes ladders from the corner of the room, climbs up, ties the rope to the lamp, tightens the rope to his throat and jumps towards the window.
The man looks at the dead body for a while and walks away. He opens the door, walks outside, closes the door and says to his family: 'That was the 8th time this week. I don't understand why people don't like the Aristocrats-joke.' He sighs. 'The cruelty of the world...'