From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
CapnCrack (1977 - present) is an African-American student at the University of Central Oklahoma. He is most notoriously known for visiting the campus of Oklahoma Christian University, having sexual intercourse with the female students there, and then reporting about these exploits on the Oklahoma Christian University entry on Wikipedia.
Crack first realized his awesome power for sexual intercourse when he popped an erection while walking down a crowded street at age 16. There were no survivors.
CapnCrack is also an advocate for homosexual rights. He frequently insults Oklahoma Christian University's zero-tolerance of homosexuality by claiming that "the school don't allow no fags."
The Captain also claims on a frequent basis to have hooked up with and scored with various Wikipedia administrators, though these claims are not verifiable.
Unfortunately for the Captain, he is not known to be very creative in his insults. Most of them include repeating comments directed at him with "yo mama" added to them. For example, if he is accused of vandalizing, he would respond by saying, "I vandalized yo mama last night." If he is told that he should experiment in the sandbox, he will respond by saying, "I experimented in yo mama's sandbox last night." If he is accused of sockpuppetry, he would say, "I whipped out my sockpuppet on yo mama last night." However, if he is accused of inserting nonsense into Wikipedia articles, he would most likely respond that he "inserted 9 inches of nonsense into yo sista last night" instead of "yo mama." The reason for the change in choice of female companionship is not yet known.
Inexplicably, the Captain will also sometimes claim to enter into the women's dorms at Oklahoma Christian University and find him some virgins and have anal intercourse with them. Why virgins would be needed for this is also unknown at this time.
The Captain pioneered a specific form of vandalizing Wikipedia. He would often times create completely logical and relevant edits only to then describe them with horribly obscene edit summaries. After much deliberation, the administrators at Wikipedia decided that profane edit summaries were just as bad as profane edits.
At this point in time, inside sources believe that CapnCrack has created hundreds or even thousands of sleeper sockpuppets from numerous IP addresses over the course of many months. There is currently no information available as to why he has done this, who might be helping him, or when any kind of diabolical scheme might be put into play.