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edit Welcome!

Hello, CandidToaster, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:CandidToaster/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the UncyclopedianAdopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  -- MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 03:24, January 4, 2011 (UTC)

edit Hello

Hello, I just wanted to say hi, and that you really have a talent for writing. No, seriously. HowTo:Face Your Upcoming Death is hilarious and brilliantly written; I will most certainly put it on VFHonce it is finished. Well, uh, keep up the good work then!--EpicAwesomeness (talk) 16:53, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hello again, just want to check with you if HowTo:Face Your Upcoming Death is truly finished for VFH. And yes, I was being serious. I wish I could write like that... --EpicAwesomeness (talk)15:30, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
Uh, thanks for the compliment! I'll wait for you to work on it based on the Pee Review if you want, but I am going to stick it on VFH one way or another.--EpicAwesomeness (talk) 15:23, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

edit Pee Review

Thanks for taking the Communion review, very appreciated. It needs more work, but you will get the gist of it and can help guide it home. The page was started by other users, and I built around the architecture and must of the language which was already there. Anyway, nuff said, just thanks, and good to meet you! Aleister 4:07 24-5-'11

Hello again, and thanks for a very good review. You made some great suggestions, and I'll get to it shortly. Yeah, the first pic should be changed, at least the caption, I didn't realize the article is a combination "Communion" and "Last Supper" page. It would be nice to get rid of the not safe for work template, I'd take all of them away if it were me. Will try it. And I'll let you know when I work on it some more. Thanks again! Aleister 20:16 25-5-'11

edit And hello too

Hello too. Welcome to the backwoods of the internet, you've found it! This is where the hunchbacks and bearded women meet to do what they do, and if they did it any better or even in the sunlight, then there'd be hell to pay. Aleister 4:59 23-5-'11

I thought this was less of a circus, and more of the abandoned tent next to the circus where they sell Heroin. Uh, hello there too! And nice username!--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 05:14, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

edit Yo Candytoast

I re-did the article from the viewpoint of xenophobic russian farmer who lives near the lake and wants to keep visitors away. I've added little (so it's still essentially your article) but I've trimmed it by about 20% as quality is always better than quantity. I'd recommend never adding 'filler' to an article, whether it's in the form of facts from wikipedia or just a tangent you've gone off on just to add length. If an article isn't naturally long, don't try to force it. Go away and stand with your feet in Jelly for awhile (that's what I do), or start something else.

I also took out nearly all mention of the word 'beauty' which you used a lot, it doesn't make sense to the reader if you (or wikipedia) describe the lake as 'beautiful' in one sentence and 'uninteresting' and 'polluted' in the next. Did you read the Michael Jackson article? There are NO moments when the author casts doubt on Michael's innocence, no 'but reaaally he fiddled those kids' moments (unless it's a vandal in which case it'll probably be deleted soon) it stays consistent to the point of ridiculousness throughout.

As always if you don't like my changes just revert to one of the old versions before I started. Shrooms Jello Shrooms 17:55, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, nice work on the calculator poem. !!??!!! Good stuff. Aleister 19:55 5-6-'11
Thanks! I try my best...--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 22:50, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

edit Visual puns

I am done editing it according to your Pee Review. I renamed it to justify it being mostly visual. I also moved all the text to the introduction. And added some sections. What do you think? --Tophat headless 03:34, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

edit Howzit now?

Take a look. --Tophat headless 19:40, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

edit Question

Are you the original IP author of Bucket? MadMax 05:38, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

edit Is the candid toaster like the candid camera

You seem like a fine user to have around. Come on IRC sometime! --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:12, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

Why not? Nothing bad happens on IRC, right?--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:20, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
Nothing at all, if you don't count EugeneKay's penis. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:21, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
I'm confused. Not that way, but I'm confused why someone would make a mold of their penis, much less post a photo of the mold online. Must have been a bet he lost.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:25, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
I don't think any of us really understand. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:31, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
You mean he voluntarily made a mold of his penis (which, mind you, takes time to do) and posted it online without anyone forcing him to? Is he mad?--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:36, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
It would seem to be the case, yes. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:37, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
I feel uncomfortable now.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:39, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

edit Yo!

I use to come to new users saying hello and everything. So, hello. And thanks for voting for my article. I hope you enjoyed it. You have a cool name and a cool sig. Keep being cool.--Mimo&Maxus (Talk) 11:28, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

edit Response to the thanks

No problem. I created a few thank you templates for myself a while ago, but stopped doing that each time I had a feature, because I prefer people to vote because they like my stuff.User:Guildenaternenstein has the one template that he trots out constantly, but honestly, there's not much of a point behind them What I will say though is keep up the quality writing.Pup 12:27 12 Jun '11

Thanks for the compliment. There aren't much compliments in this cold world of ours.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 13:34, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

edit Holy moly

Did you design your sig? You've come a long way my son.. further than me in fact Shrooms Jello Shrooms 15:00, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

My signature? It's only a picture of a toaster.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 18:31, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
Only!? You don't even get a little bubble when you move the mouse pointer over mine :S Shrooms Jello Shrooms 15:57, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
The picture is linked to my account, so if you hover over the picture, you see the name of the link. Personally, I think sigs aren't very important in the grand scheme of things. One thing that confuses me is how other people's signatures have the small time stamps.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 16:32, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
Custom timestamps are really easy. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:40, 17 June 2011
I mean having a custom timestamp without having to do it manually.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:43, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
? --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:52, 17 June 2011
As in having to type <span style="font-size:9px; color:purple;">[insert time here]</span> every time you want the timestamp to look unique. Are there ways to make the timestamp unique automatically?--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 23:57, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

edit Bureau of time

Hi, and good to "see" you again. I noticed that you did such a complete rewrite on the Bureau of time page that it's a different article. Why don't you take your page and name it something else, something in the series that the times-articles are based on. The old article was well-liked by lots of people, and it's not as if you need the exact same name for yours. What you did was huff the page, then replaced it, which is kind of against the spirit of VFD which was voting to save the page. So it all comes down to a name, and you don't really need that exact name for your article, do you? I dunno. Maybe you are madly in love with the name, and want to marry it! hahahahheheheheehehehheehehehehee huh? Thanks. Aleister 3:28 16-6-'11

I left a quick note on my page too. I feel bad I even brought it up. If you do want to move your page that's as easy as pie, it's just a cut and paste thing. But pick a name you really like, even one close to the other article's name. Or you can just leave it as is and say, Tomorrow is another Day. Thanks again. Aleister 4:08 16-6-'11

edit No "Thank you" template received yet? No problem. Mimo&maxus is here to thank you.


You might not get in Heaven like I said but you will have some virtual tits and beer as a reward for voting for my article. Enjoy. --Mimo&Maxus (Talk) 09:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit You voted for visual puns, which got featured!

Army Tank U

--Tophat headless 01:06, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

edit Ola

So I've been thinking, after I get part one reviewed a second time, we should combine part one and part two, as I think Part one is to short to keep the interest of a reader by itself. What do you think?--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 05:29, June 27, 2011 (UTC)

That'd be nice. I did have an idea that part two would be in a sub page of part one. Something like this: UnBooks:A Pragmatic Affair/Part Two--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 16:17, June 27, 2011 (UTC)

edit Award from UN:REQ

Thumbs up2

This user created Bucket, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thanks, though technically I only completely rewrote it.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 14:11, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

edit Peekaboo

Thanks for helping the article. I'll add on to the Peekaboo league stuff, and then i'll put the revised version on Pee Review. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:17, 2 July 2011

Thanks, and I'm not yet finished.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 04:19, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

edit Another request to come on IRC

It's really fun! We're having the times of our lives. Like, everyone is there. We miss you. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 22:29, July 5, 2011 (UTC)

Okay...--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 22:32, July 5, 2011 (UTC)

edit Much Thanks for making Padmé


Your support is what made Padmé!

--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:54, Jul 10

edit So...

How've you been. I just noticed you started Part two of A Pragmatic Affair, quite a while ago actually and have seemed to just take off on it. I bring this up because I had forgotten about the article since it's on pee review for around a week or so and wanted to say that joining the articles together seems unnecessary at this point due to the length that you skillfully generated for Part Two. I have concluded that I shall begin Part Three based on your Part Two ending (Depending on when you finish) and look forward to keeping the series going for...I dunno, 4-5 parts? Even Sir Arthur Conan Doyle got bored of Sherlock Holmes, why not go the same route I imagine. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 21:00, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

That'd be cool. Would it be a good idea to bring other writers on board to write the other parts? This seems like the start of a very ambitious project.--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 00:24, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
It will depend on how successful and popular our work is. We may even be able to start a sort of writing club, something where people can write satirical articles about random stuff like the news or Wikipedia articles but....nahh that would never work, who would join such a thing? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 03:26, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

edit PEE

It was my pleasure Candid. I hope it was useful. many shots of Vodka are we going to take before we go on our rampage? --ShabiDOO 11:24, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

edit I lost control of my bladder on your article

Sorry. Here's the mess. If you want me to pay for the damages, I might be able to help out because it is, after all, my fault it got all wet...~ Humbuck Talk 04:21, 16 July 2011 (UTC)

edit Your article

It is now here as the WIP on it had expired. Let me know if you have any questions about this. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:18, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit Wait bro

where you going --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 00:49, July 21, 2011 (UTC)


Hey man...looking really forward to writing with you. As for suggesting topics and stuff...I made some room on my userspace. Let the fun begin!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOO--ShabiDOO 01:02, July 21, 2011 (UTC)

edit Clueless

As to why your parents would forbid you to edit this place. You were a really good writer. :/ Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:14, 12 August 2011

Is that what happened? Damn and we had a good series about to be released...--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 08:23, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
They thought my article on asexuality was immoral, and said I was a "pornographer". Really. Au revoir, then. *sight*--White Toaster Talk - Contributions 18:34, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Really? That sounds like the exact opposite of what the article is trying to do. Oh well. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:18, 16 August 2011

edit Hey

You should come back. Just sayin. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 07:04, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 07:09, 6 January 2012

edit Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have manyparasites. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:57, 6 January 2012

edit  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


CLICK HERE--ShabiDOO 09:56, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

edit You! Back!

Maybe! Yes? Please! --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 05:02, March 12, 2012 (UTC)

You made an edit! Celebrations are in order. *throws a sprinkler in the air* Yay. --OliOmniOmbudsman Dumbo 17:04, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
*throws random other stuff in the air* Wooo! Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:16, 17 May 2012
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