User:Cajek/Christian Rock (Backwards)

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What Christian Rock is backwards...

Playing Christian music backwards has been a past time of many hardcore cultists and Wiccans ever since Christian rock and pop somehow became popular.

Christian Music

Blue angel

In Heaven, you don't have to marry an angel to... well, fuck her like a stallion.

When played forward, pop Christian music is pedantic and saccharine (read a book, chowderheads). Popular Christian bands, like ChristLovers and Lovers O' Christ, are especially sugary and peppy. When played forward at regular speed, Christ's Warrior's new song Please Don't Send Me To Hell, Jesus sounds like this:

There's always a time and a place,
Jesus can use his magic holy mace
on filthy unbelievers like you,
Please please please don't make Jesus blue.
Oh, believe in Jesus or he'll fuck you up good,
Partake of his body, partake of his blood,
Go to Church like a good Christian and pray, pray, pray,
Then in heaven with gorgeous buxom angels for all eternity you will play.

Cultists of the Church of Yog-Sothoth regularly play the album backwards during their annual Cthulhu Prayer Breakfast. According to ritualists and cult translators, the lyrics can be loosely read as follows:

I want to fuck fuck fuck Sarah Palin,
But not after marriage in a traditional Christian way!
Everyone in the band's real name is Marilyn,
We're all crack-snorting hermaphrodites who want to give her a good long lay!
I wanna join her in hell
After she gets shot on stage by her retarded whore of a daughter,
That would really ring my bell
And it would get me hot to see her sodomized by meat hooks for all eternity! HAHAHAHHA!
I wanna throw her violently on the floor and cover her in raw meat in my apartment,
long after the darkness creeps in,
I don't wanna wait until after Lent,
I want to roll around in Palin sin!
I want to fuck fuck fuck Sarah Palin,
Sarah please join me in unholy matrimony,
I want to fuck fuck fuck Sarah Palin,
To see her without her glasses I'd pay good moh-nay!

The Bands Regret Their Subliminal Messages

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