User:Cajek/Bottled water

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Water bottle
Aaah, it's so refreshing n' shit!

Don't let the "water experts" tell you what to drink: bottled water is better than the water you find walking the streets at night.

Bottled Water, bottled since 1997, has been a staple of our society at least since 1997. If you're not drinking Bottled Water, you must be a homo.

edit Why?

A better question would be, <awesome reversal> why not? </awesome reversal>. Bottled Water is an essential part of our society. If Bottled Water wasn't inside a bottle, what would it be? It wouldn't be ordinary water, if that's what your asking ...jackass.

Bottled water is rehydrated and screened for terrorists five times before it leaves our impenetrable mountain fortress bottling plant. Ordinary Earth water just doesn't cut it. Earth water, after it leaves God's tearducts, falls onto the dirty, filthy ground like an abandoned infant. Bottled Water is immediately bottled to protect its freshness.

Without Bottled Water, bottles would have nothing to bottle, and bottled water would not be bottled, but instead might be something much worse... but, uh, still better than regular water. 'Cuz that's how we roll.

edit How?

It's not magic that our water is cleaner than any water previously conceived by man or beast. Our water is carefully inspected by hand for minerals like yttrium and hashish before it leaves our factories. I take it back: it's fucking magic.

Our water was specially bred from two of the most delicious flavors of water on Earth: fresh spring mountain™ and wholesome™, both designed by God for our pleasure. Now, against the express wishes of the Bible, we are improving on God's original design with Bottled Water. Taking the best of both worlds,

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