User:Cajek/Airline Food

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AudienceApplauseBnW
Clapping is the sign that my routine isn't as bad as airline food. AIRLINE FOOD!!!!

Airline food is a common topic for stand up comedians and humorwiki trolls such as myself. This time, however, there aren't going to be any jokes. Well, I'll throw in a few jokes so you don't get bored, but there are not going to be ANY jokes. Airline food deserves less than being a common theme for stand up comedians. It deserves to be shot. With a gun.

edit For a $700 ticket, I'd better be getting gold bullion au gratin with a side of holy water!

I can't fucking BELIEVE this crap. Ma'am? Ma'am, what the hell is this? It sure doesn't LOOK like a potato. It looks like your mom.

Ahahaha, you see, I'm a comedian: it's what I do. I'm supposed to make hilarious observations about the things I see around me. You see, I'm a writer on Uncyclopedia, and I'm expected to be funny all the time. So you can see why I'm kind of losing my mind here.

Airline food is kinda funny. I guess. You're just a stewardess, so you probably don't understand. What? You're a man? Whoa, dude, that's just... Nevermind, I'm sure some other rude person will inform you later on.

edit I have to wait on the tarmac for three hours? I'd better be getting gold bullion au gratin with a side of holy water you sack of shit!

ATT00071
Airlines are so messed up, man. I'm gonna write a totally different article for that piece of shame. In the meantime enjoy this picture. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a turtle.

Hahaha, but seriously, why are you serving me this? All right, fine, what movie are you showing?

Made of Honor? Are you kidding me??? Fine, but could you at least give me some of those peanuts the airline company keeps hoarding? What do you mean I have to pay to listen to the movie? This is an outrage! ...all right, gimme some god damn peanuts.

Airline food, lemme tell ya, sucks balls. In fact, I would rather suck the balls of a wild animal than eat airline food. I would rather, uh, shave my neighbor's back than eat airline food. I'd rather eat flypaper. Really. I'd rather eat flypaper covered in MOUNDS of flies than eat airline food.

edit Where's my pillow? For flying to Compton, I'd better have a golden pillow au gratin with a side of holy water!

I didn't ask for this. Does this look like a bag of peanuts to you? No. It says "crackers" on the side, doesn't it, douchebag? These are crackers, not nuts. I know, because I've seen crackers before, and I've seen peanuts before, and these are DEFINITELY crackers.

God damn this airline food. Oh man, I hope you get penis cancer. Maybe you're trying to give me cancer? I didn't know cancer was contagious until I hate a bite of this crap. First of all, this isn't a potato. It's a lump of hate. These crackers? Absolute bullshit.

How do you like my act so far? I mean, I know it's not great, but airline food seems to be a major hit with the audiences. I guess there are other topics, but I can't think of any right now. Maybe I could make fun of immigrants? Hey, stewardess, did immigrants make this food?

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