User:Burnside65/Stranger in a Strange Land

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“Laaaaaaaaame...”
~ Eric Cartman on Stranger in a Strange Land
“Hey, my power is I get to have whatever power I want, too!”
~ Michael Sexomatic Smith on Eric Cartman
“You guys are on your own.”
~ Superman on having to fight Michael Sexomatic Smith
Final
Don't let the halo fool you.

Stranger in a Strange Land is an erotica novel written by Robert A. Heinlein in 1961. The book is commonly referred to as "The most famous Erotic Novel ever written", but the Science Fictionally Inept will often misquote this as having applied to science fiction. The science fiction community, as well all other literary communities, were quick to classify it as "The Lamest Thing ever written".

edit Conception

Right around the time Disney was dreaming up their accurate-to-the-last-detail vision of what life would be like 25 years from now, Robert Heinlein was wallowing in the lonliness often produced by science fiction in its readers and writers. He decided to make his own vision of what pornography would be like 25 years from now, so he and his readers would have something to look forward to. The book started off just fine; the first 2 sections were as interesting and charming as any movie about some freak coming to New York and the resulting world collisions, but Heinlein abandoned all this when he wrote the first kissing scene. He quickly realized its erotic potential, which gave him the biggest hard-on of his life. He then made the rest of the book go off on that tangent.

edit Plot Summary

edit Part 1: His Maculate Orgy Lessons

It is the not-too-distant future, and the first manned expedition to Mars has been planned and sponsored by Viagra, hoping to find new and unexplored ingredients for sexual stimulants. The first ship sent to Mars is lost without a trace. Another ship is sent to investigate some 20 years later, and this ship successfully touches down on Mars and makes contact with the natives. They find the Martians are a lethargic, hippy-like, cannibalistic race that see water as a form of LSD - all Martians totally trip balls whenever they get near water. What is of most interest is that most of the crew of the first ship are still alive on Mars, and have borne a sun named Michael Sexomatic Smith. The crew immediately radio back to Earth the mission's complete success - Michael was going to make Viagra millions.

edit Part 2: His Preposterous Superpowers

Michael is brought back to Earth, where Viagra keeps their investment under tight guard. It's not long though, before a nosy, ignorant journalist named Ben decides that Michael must be broken out. He hires his bitch, Jill, to break in, get Michael high on water, and sneak him out. While in hiding with him though, 2 cops track them down and start to take him back forcefully. It is then that Michael first unleashes his ability to utterly obliterate anything. I.E. Michael can concentrate on matter and make it disappear from this world forever. It is at this point that the reader will likely be intrigued by this new superpower and will read on to discover its limitations and weaknesses.

MartianFlag
Michael's new global flag of Earth, symbolizing his takeover of the planet and his desire to put his dick in everything.

edit Part 3: His Eccentric Educator

Jill takes Michael to the private mansion of Jubal Harshaw, who knows everything about everything and keeps three hot whores around for whenever he needs them. Soon after they arrive, the cops are quick to track Michael down again, and Michael unleashes his powers on them again, only this time on much more cops and their helicopter. Harshaw then starts a series of experiments on Michael and determines that no, that power has no limitations or weaknesses, but that's not all! He also has effortless telekinesis, a hyper-increased learning rate, the ability to conjure objects from anywhere, the ability to enhance any human sensation - chiefly the sexual ones -, and more money than God.

edit Part 4: His Felonious Career

Upon realizing noone else on Earth has these powers, Michael sets off on his quest to do whatever he wants. He steals everything he needs to rally people together and construct a church where people can come together and make their lives one everlasting orgy. Most of the world though, has reservations against his behaviour, and tries to explain to him their very-logical belief that orgies are immoral, as is being able to get whatever you want whenever you want. But anyone who tries to stop him is quickly and effortlessly annihilated. It is at this point that the reader realizes that the story is in a word, lame, and questions why they're still holding the book.

The authorities decide that they should fight fire with fire, and thus try to fight Michael's lameness with lameness. They send in Batman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, and the rest of DC's lineup - along with Jack-Jack from The Incredibles - but none of them stand a chance against Michael, because no matter how lame the opponent is, Michael can destroy him with a single thought. Superman is sent in as a last-ditch effort and lasts longer then the others since his lame super-speed made it difficult for Michael to concentrate, but Michael finally decides that he has super-speed powers now, and catches up to Superman and kills him.

MichaelHigh
Sharpie Rave!

edit Part 5: His Happy-for-the-reader Death

The one who ultimately stops him is Harshaw, since he Michael trusts him as one of his first friends who taught him everything about orgies. Harshaw explains the immorality of murder and theft and the like, so Michael stops. He then goes out into the angry mob to say he only wants to have an orgy with them, get high on water, and give them Aides, but they promptly beat him to death. Take that. Michael then goes to heaven, where God is so impressed with him that he hires him on as Michael the Archangel. Michael then is pleased to learn that people in heaven get high off of Sharpie Markers, rather than water, and the party continues.

It is at this point that the reader finally masturbates from the massive erection the book gave it, and then throws the book in the fire for not being good for anything but that.

edit Reception

As stated above, Heinlein inaccurately described this erotica book as a work of science fiction. But its catchy title and scandalous subject matter gained it some quick attention. As its fame rose, the Science Fictionally Inept began to give it radical names like "The Most Famous Science Fiction Story Ever Written". This is largely due to the fame of most science fiction books being bound within the science fiction community. Many avid science fiction readers were offended at this mistake, feeling that science fiction really has a lot more to offer than this lame, hippy, orgy-story, and that the rest of science fiction were getting a bad name.

A bounty is currently out for Heinlein's head for disgracing this community. He is currently believed to be holing up with wierd al yankovich.

edit See Also

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