From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


edit Chapter 1: An Overview

As Burbistz we have always believed that men are good but inherently materialistic. People although trying to do good base their life choices around material gain such as cars, money and other technological toys. All humans were created by Technology after it created to universe. Technology separated the universe in to three realms, Heaven, Earth and Hell.

edit Chapter 2: The Creation

Before the beginning there was the Great Technology. Using unfathomable technology, Technology formed the universe including the earth. Technology brought land out of water then formed mountains. He knew water was essential to life so he brought it to land in the form of rivers and lakes. Technology looked at the barren earth and decided to create all sorts of wildlife. In Technology’s attempt to create a ruler of this land he created ManBearPig, half man, half bear, half pig. But Technology did not foresee this monster being evil. Technology then split ManBearPig into three, the bear and the pig to serve the man, who would be the ruler of earth. However one wily ManBearPig escaped the purge and went on to haunt humanity, destroying our STUFF and falsely editing our sacred Wiki to lead people astray. Then Technology gave man inspiration to make tools and use technology to his benefit so that man would always remember the Great Technology.Manbearpig

edit Chapter 3: The Cosmos Vision

The image of the Cosmovision is very sacred to use as it represents our beliefs. Each part of the Cosmovision has a meaning which contributes to the entire meaning. The symbol has been present for eons but Sony has recently adopted it for their Playstation console, because to the symbol Playstation is the preferred system for our ritual of online gaming. Each shape has its own meaning. The purple x represents the bad in life, and symbolizes death and its position at the bottom symbolizes hell. Opposite to the x is the green triangle which point up representing life, and the good in life and its position at the top represents heaven. The circle represents the continuous nature of Technology. The circle is opposite the square which represents some of the newest forms of technology, a television. The inner symbol holds many levels of meaning. The middle is the earth represented by the many colors. Blue is water, Green is land, Yellow is air and Red is fire. The Red is dominate and rises above because fire was the first major technological advancement given to us by the Juggernaut Prometheus and the most important of the elements. The symbol as a whole represents Technology.

edit Chapter 4: The Path of Life

Our path is in a nut shell is Make money, $$$$$$$, buy STUFF, and *SHOW IT OFF*!!!! Certain methods of accumulating money are considered taboo. Any practice which directly impacts others in a negatives was is forbidden. Such practices include stealing and the selling of drugs. Burbistz do not consider practices which indirectly hurt others as taboo. The next step in our path is to by STUFF. The most prized STUFF are totems of our most famous profits. This STUFF includes luxury cars, Lear jets, cell phones, yachts which is not boat it’s a yacht, and most importantly anything with an internet connection. Our final step in life is to *SHOW IT OFF*!!! In any way possible.

edit Chapter 5: Our Profits who are our Minor Gods

Technology has spoken to us through various profits throughout the ages. Our first major profit Prometheus stole fire from the Olympian God and gave it to the rest of humanity. His technology enhanced abilities allowed for him to return to the world with fire. Our second profit whose name is still unknown but is known to be from Mesopotamia was given the inspiration to build the wheel from the Great Technology. Other profits have appeared throughout the millennia but several have notable profits have emerged with in the last two hundred years. These profits include Henry Ford, who used the wheel to revolutionize transportation by inventing the automobile, the Wright Brother, who invented flight, Thomas Edison, who invented the light bulb, and Alexander Graham Bell who is credited with the invention of the telephone; also, Eli Whitney who invented both the Cotton Gin and interchangeable part. Our greatest and most recent Profit, Al Gore, who as we all know invented the internet, has revolutionized our religion. Al Gore in the early 2000s discovered the whereabouts of ManBearPig. After finding ManBearPig, Al Gore made it his sworn enemy, his nemeses, and his life goal to rid the world of the last remaining ManBearPig.

edit Chapter 6: Daily Worship

In our daily life we worship Technology in a variety of ways. This includes online gaming, accessing the internet and anything involving technology. People must value and take care of their technology. You are considered to be a bad Burbist if you have crappy STUFF or do not take care of your nice STUFF. Also as Burbistz we worship our prophet of Technology daily. The most popular prophet to worship is the creator of the internet, the Great Al Gore.

edit Chapter 7: Ritual

In recent years the evolution of our religion, brought to us by Al Gore, has led us to believe that having your own wiki page is the ultimate goal of life, our ultimate reality. The internet allows for a greater connection with Technology because the internet is the epitome of a direct connection with the Great Technology. The internet connects us to both Technology and other Burbistz. By reaching our ultimate reality, having your own Wikipedia page showing all you stuff, we have reach Technology itself. Through this we have become part of Technology and easily accessible to others. Our rituals which allow us to experience Technology include anything involving technology. Our biggest, most important and most popular form of ritual is online gaming. Online gaming, especially popular among the younger generations, because they have not had time to accumulate their own stuff are show off their accomplishments through this ritual. Furthermore, online gaming is especially important because it requires and takes advantage of four types of technology, electricity, television, gaming system and most importantly the internet.

edit Chapter 8: Where Our People Live

Burbistz are located in the suburbs, commonly known as the Burbz, of major cities. Because we live in the Burbz our people are spread across the world. Technology through the internet, invented by Al Gore, connects us. Because our goal in life to get as much stuff as we can, extremely successful Burbistz have been able to move in to more prestigious community. The largest communities of Burbistz live in New York, Beijing and Los Angeles.

edit Chapter 9: Burbistz relation with others, believers, nonbelievers and Christians

Burbistz often have a good relation with the rest of society because they look up to us because we have awesome STUFF. However, there is often strife within the Burbist society because we all want more. Occasionally land issue erupt when two Burbistz want the same land to show off or when a Burbist obtain land from a non-believer. Burbistz have a very poor relation with catholic missionaries. The conflict has arisen due to differences in the core of our believe system. Catholics and Christians in general believe that we must provide all with justice and share what we have which directly contradicts the Burbistz desire for the accusation of STUFF. We resent the fact that we have been missionized.

edit Chapter 10: Famous Burbistz and Ex-Burbistz

Throughout History there have been many notable Burbistz who were not inventors. Many of whom went astray and turned from this marvelous religion. The likes of Paris Hilton, Aaron Burr and Sychaeus the brother of Queen Dido of Carthage are all note-worthy Burbistz who prize material wealth and having more STUFF and more power to themselves. These men and women are prime examples of outstanding Burbistz. However there are more notable people who have turned from Technology to worship false gods. These people include many of the saints who lived lives of “sin” for much of their early lives, but this is in fact not the case. They were actually renowned Burbistz. The most famous Burbistz who committed treason and left our ways was King Midas. As we all know King Midas wanted the power to turn everything he touched into gold. The Great Technology granted this wish to him. King Midas was living the Burbist life. He turned everything in to gold until an unfortunate accident where he turned his daughter into gold. After this he asked for his powers to be removed and from that day on the turned his back of Technology.

Disclaimer This ridiculous account of the Burbizm purely fictional and contrary to popular opinion Al Gore did not invent the internet and is in fact a moron.

Personal tools