User:Bucknut4/Thanksgiving with the Aristocrats

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

The day before Thanksgiving had been a long one for a talent agent in Steubenville, Ohio. He was eager to get back home to celebrate the holiday so he closed up shop and started to head for the door. Just as he got there the door suddenly flew open and hit the agent in the face. He could feel his nose shatter as his blood flew everywhere.

A man stepped into the room and looked down at the agent. He had a name tag that said Greggy “Got time for just one more?,” Greggy asked the agent. “Actually, I was just heading to the hospital,” the agent muttered. “The sign says you don't close until 8:00, it's 7:58”. Greggy picked the agent up and sat him back in his chair. “Sir, can't you see that I need to go to the doctor's?,” the agent pleaded. Greggy took a step forward and assessed the agent's injury. “It's not that bad, you can sit through one act can't you? I'll take you to the hospital after we're done here. I'll even pay the bill.” Greggy smiled from ear to ear.

“OK, OK,” said the agent. “Fine, what do you have for me?”

“My family and I are going to eat Thanksgiving dinner,” said Greggy.

“How is that a talent routine?,” asked the agent.

Greggy beamed at the agent “Sit back and watch the show, you won't regret it!”

Greggy then beckoned his family inside. He had two sons and two daughters, along with a rather attractive wife. The family were dressed in very formal attire. The sons wore polo shirts, one bore red, the other green. The girls were in skirts with matching shirts, one in blue, the other yellow. They set up a lavish dining scene that featured a table with a white cloth and topped of with candles. There was another table set up with all of the food on it. The food was on covered plates. The son in green set up a video camera on a tripod. The family took their seats and said grace. Greggy looked up and suddenly screamed at his daughter dressed in yellow. “HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING TEXT AT THE TABLE!”

The girl quickly hid her phone. She looked extremely uncomfortable as compared to the rest of her family, who all seemed to be enjoying themselves. The mother got up from the table and brought the first dish for the family. “Time for turkey!,” she said. The mother uncovered the plate which revealed a live turkey, which all of the family members, except for the daughter in yellow, quickly grabbed and ripped apart. The turkey's shrieks of pain echoed eerily throughout the room. The girl in yellow went pale. The rest of the family ate quickly, sucking up as much blood and guts as they could feast upon. The mother jumped up excitedly and said, “Time for dessert!” She grabbed three more plates and removed the covers, which revealed nothing.

The boy in red blushed as red as his shirt. “Sorry mommy, I ate it all. I was hungry, you grounded me from food for three days.” Greggy jumped up from the table and bent his son over the chair. “Then I guess we'll have to get it back!” He pulled his son's pants down and shoved his arm up the child's ass as far as it would go. Then he ripped out a half digested cake and two whole pumpkin pies that were covered in feces. The group applauded with joy while the girl in yellow vomited all over the place. The father then pulled his pants down and raped his son violently. When he was about finished he jumped onto the table and ejaculated with so much force that effectively created a cum fountain. “Look gang! It's a fountain for chocolate fondue!” The family ate their dessert, puked it up and ate it all over again. After all the food was gone, all but the girl in yellow hopped up on the table to join the dad and commenced a high energy orgy. The girl in yellow screamed bolted for the door. The dad grabbed her by the arm and bellowed in her ear, “Where do you think you're going bitch!?” He then stripped her of all her clothes and the family piled on top of her. They raped her for a good five minutes before finally finishing up. The girl who once wore yellow began to cry hysterically and made one last ditch effort for the door. The father grabbed her head and bit her neck, tearing out her jugular. As the girl fell to the floor she made gargling sounds out of her throat that would have been screams. As she began to die, the rest of the family gathered around, held hands and peed on her face. Just before the angel of death took her, the other girl produced a spell book and condemned the dying girl's soul to eternal damnation.

“So what did you think?,” said Greggy.

“Just a couple quick questions. What was the video camera for, and if you killed your daughter, how are you supposed to do the act again?,” the agent asked.

“Oh that wasn't really even our daughter. That's just some girl we hired as a babysitter. We've done the act many times, and we get a new girl each time. They all act the same. We videotape the act and then send it to each girl's parents to show them what a wonderful job their daughter did!” Greggy said with enthusiasm.

“...” the agent was speechless.

“We call it Thanksgiving with the Aristocrats!!!”

Personal tools