User:Bryan Derksen/Canadian Tire Money

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Canadian Tire Money.
Canadiantire

Canadian Tire Money, note creepy old guy

Canadian Tire Money is the official currency of the easily amused, honest, law abiding citizens of Canada and The Bermuda Square Islands. It is interesting to note that it is worth exactly the same amount as actual Canadian money, that is to say nothing at all and half of what the far less colorful U.S. dollar is worth. This is not surprising, considering that a real Canadian dollar bill has a friggin' duck on one side and a flaming Dame Edna on the other...and it's a friggin' coin! A Loonie indeed....

Canadian Tire Money was first introduced in response to the harsh winter driving conditions that are uniquely Canadian (that is to say "unique" like the belly button). They require special sets of winter tires, and being a socialist utopia the Canadian Government decided to issue all Canadians a yearly stipend of special government scrip with which to purchase them at the official government tire store. The scope of the program slowly grew, though, first to ski-doo (a Canadian word meaning, roughly, "snowmobile") parts and eventually to a whole variety of other hardware (including bolts, nuts, screws and things to hold other things together).

These items are all available at the now inaccurately-named Canadian Tire stores (which during the heady times of the 1980's were privatized and are now run out of Aruba, where they don't understand winter at all - hence the boxes and boxes of Bermuda shorts and cotton socks that sit unsold in the dumpster behind Canadian Tire).

Canadian Tire Money is accepted across Canada, and on eBay. Economists from the C.G.D.C.T.C.T.C.&P. (Canadian Government Department of Canadian Tire, Canadian Tire Currency and Potpourri) argue that the money's name would be too long if this currency was spendable anywhere else. However, they overlook the fact that Canadians literally have nowhere else to shop.

Some is transferable to foreign nations. However, it is looked upon as an old meat seller's trick.

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