1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
1985 - New York is the first state that allows the state troopers to pull over slow drivers and then smack them 'upside the head'.
1992 - Entire Royal Family of Britain smacked 'upside the head'.
1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
2001 - George Dubya smacked in the head with a whiffleball bat. The attacker is not apprehended, but leaves behind a number of pamphlets about global warming.
2002 - Fran Drescher hit in the head with a large halibut. Fortunately, the halibut is unharmed.
2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
2004 - Subway's Jared Fogle was knocked unconscious when struck in the face with a stale foot-long loaf of Italian Herbs-'n'-Cheese Bread. As a result, Jared endured several painful operations to remove razor-sharp breadcrumbs and flakes of oregano which are lodged deep in his sinuses.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!