Nose-picking is the act of removing mucous from one's nose with a finger or other body extremity. In the past, it was regarded as disgusting and led to social isolation, but in recent years civil rights groups have sought to make nose-picking socially acceptable. Nose-pickers are often called "pointers" in modern slang.
Pointers were once ostracized and shunned by society. Lately, however, they have been embraced as living an "alternative lifestyle" by more liberal groups. Meanwhile, conservative groups have stepped up their opposition to nose-picking, encouraging the public to boycot Pointer-themed movies and television shows and even calling for a ban on Pointer Marriages.
The problem is made more complex by that fact that while most Americans are totally disgusted by the idea of nose-picking, they don't see the harm in a person picking their own or others' noses in private. This led to loud arguments as to whether marraiges were public or private (including those where the members picked one another's noses to exchange bodily fluids instead of kissing). Civil rights groups insist that those that object to nose-picking are being too Puritanical and old-fashioned, and that if they really long for the "good old days," they should move to Pennsylvania and become Amish, or to Alabama and become a redneck. Several have taken this advice, but more to be away from the civil rights groups than from the Pointers.
This just in: Zero Wing mistranslated! The opening should read: "Thanks to our your naively cooperative government, We now control all your bases. You have no chance to survive: make out time!"
USC win streak stopped by Texas: Californians blame Bush
The Original Jesus Christ appeared during a New Years Eve celebration in Jerusalem, apologizing for being six years late for the Millennium. "Elliot  was supposed to call me, but I don't know what happened," said the Lord.
Your state just legalized abortions AND time travel, for the sole purpose of allowing Your Mom to go back in time and have one instead of you.
Bradaphraser has a joke entry that's taken seriously! Utter chaos ensues! Rumors that Cthulhu was reborn are probably not true.
AARP demands to know why Dr. Thurgood Marvel, 66, of Emerald City Rest Home in the Missouri Ozarks had his nap disturbed today by "barking and a big to-do."
Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder, race relations expert, declares that the black people have officially taken on the name "niggas" and would not like to be called african americans.
Bradaphraser has been a minion of Cthulhu since February 2006. He lives in Texas, and therefore has extremist political views that piss off everyone he doesn't agree with. He often goes by Fuhrer for reasons that some attribute to the racism all Texans have bred into them, but it's actually just an anime reference. He is often at IRC, unwittingly clicking on gay porn links.
Featured articles in bold, quasi-featured articles in italics
"Coolest dude" and "Admin" of the Month
The May award goes to alia kenobi, who should have won n00b of the month last month. Oh well. It happens to the best of them. She helped out with Leporiphobia, as well as contributing heavily to some of the best stuff the internet has ever seen. Well, I think she's cool, anyway. Here's to alia.
May's admin of the month goes to Hinoa, who, like Tompkins and I, got adminned this last month! W00t! Hinoa contributes heavily to improving the quality of Uncyclopedia and is an integral part of getting Uncyclopedia to add up correctly. May all that he does work, because I don't wanna clean up after him like everyone did after me on the whole Insane Jester incident...