User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

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Peyton Manning passes the turkey. Brian Urlacher competes for the title of "World's Hungriest Player" Gross-man It's sad when everyone knows this kicker is the best player on either team.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters

sponsored by Chunky Soup.
30,776 articles about sissy Rugby with pads Football

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Today's Featured Advert

Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.

Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.

Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.

So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...)

Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree


Yesterday's Featured Advert

Today's Featured Article - My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Fonz duel

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.

Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.

In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)

Recently featured: My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Yesterday's Featured Article - Antibiotics

Antibioticssss

Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.

Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.

The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.

The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)

Did you know...

*...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ...that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
  • ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?

In the news

Hands Up.jpg

On this day...

Female awareness

December 22: Female Awareness Day, International Orgasm Day

  • 5000 BC(ish) - God plans to make perfect woman from an arm and a leg, Adam says "What can ya do with a rib?"
  • 600 BC - YHWH creates woman - twice
  • 0000 - The Blessed Mother Mary's contractions begin
  • 1000 - Spaghetti Monster creates sex.
  • 1231 - God creates Vaginal cancer to spite Spaghetti Monster.
  • 1337 - Counter-Strike is invented
  • 1589 - Japan announces the release of the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
  • 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins, an extreme rarity in the area. They immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump.
  • 1923 - LSD is first manufactured, diarrhea of epic solar proportions ensues.
  • 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo.
  • 1954 - Film Actors Guild (FAG) is founded
  • 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS.
  • 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing.
  • 1989 - Pixies send Monkeys to Heaven, Anthony gives Cleopatra a crate of brown ale.
  • 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man.
  • 2005 - Pussy flavored ice cream invented.
  • 2006 - World peace declared.
  • 2007 - England nukes Wales. Nobody cares.
  • 2012 - Everyone realizes they're not dead.
  • 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs, discovered in Margaret Thatcher's vagina.
  • 5000 - Science descovers a "female orgasm", she was faking...

Today's featured picture

Pity

Mr. T offers a new day for America. A Day of Pity.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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