User:Boomer/My Family

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My name is Jean and I'm in Mrs. Garcia's 4th grade class. Since our class had to make projects I decided to write about my family. I love my family very much. I have a mommy and a daddy and a brother and two doggies.

edit My Mommy

My mommy's name is Susan. She does lotsa work around the house. She does the laundry, and cooks, and feeds the doggies, and sometimes when daddy's being mean she goes outside and gardens. Her tomatoes are yummy. I don't like the onions, though, they're icky. Sometimes when she stays home to keep an eye on daddy she lets me put on her makeup. It makes me look pretty. I can't put on too much though, because mommy always calls me a slut and says I'll grow up to be a call girl, which is like one of those telemarketers except with makeup. She makes yummy sandwiches, too. When it's bedtime, my mommy tucks me in and sometimes reads me a story! Her stories are good, but they're weird because the hero is always named Jack and when he saves the princess she always leaves him because he just sits around all day in his recliner drinking beer and watching sports on TV[1]. She also always seems sad when she's done reading, and when she kisses me to sleep she tells me to never marry the quarterback, but I don't know what she's talking about because why would I ever want to marry a quarter? But she always looks happy afterwards so I don't say nothing.

edit My Daddy

My daddy's name is John. He works a lot and cleans his car and mommy says he always yanks his rope while she's not looking but I've never seen him do it. My daddy's great. He likes to take me fishing, and sometimes he holds me over the edge of the dock and lets me stick my head in the water. One time he let me stay in the water for so long that I fell asleep and when I woke up mommy was driving me home and crying and I didn't see daddy[2]. But he came home later so it's all right. He also curses a lot, which isn't so nice. One time when I cursed he yelled and told me to go to my room and not come out until I learned that there's an appropriate time and place for everything, and that I should take care to watch what I say to avoid offending the sensibilities of others. I got bored so I carved my bedpost. When he let me back out he looked sad so I hugged him and he was happy again and bought me Dairy Queen. Then he went out riding his hog to pick up broads so I walked home and helped mommy garden. I told her that he was on his hog but she kept saying he was getting his rope yanked. I don't get why he would need someone else to yank his rope when he could do it himself. Boys are weird.

edit My Brother

My brother's name is Sam. He's really cool. He plays football at his school and hangs out with his friends a lot[3] so I don't get to see him too much. I asked him why he's gone so much and he told me that chicks dig football players and when he's not playing he's usually getting some pussy. Then he looked at me funny and laughed, so I don't ask him questions no more. I asked mommy one time and she told me that he's out getting hammers with his dumbass friends and getting SCDs[4] from the local sluts like that one whore that lives down the street and will bend over backwards for any one wearing a letter jacket. That sounds painful. I'm gonna ask her some time how she does it. My brother also likes to collect stamps.

edit My Doggies

I have two doggies and they are both boys. Their names are Buddy and Wiser. Daddy says they're all-American purebreds, so I can't take them out and let them meet the other filthy halfbreeds on my street. My mommy says that they're mean dogs and I should stay away from them, but they love me and I take them treats every day. One time they did hurt me but I told my mommy that I fell down stairs and she didn't get mad at them. They also like to nibble at my clothes but mommy just thinks I play rough with the boys. Daddy says it's good cuz it makes me a tough broad, and when mommy's not home he lets me wrestle with the doggies. Sometimes they bite me, but it's OK because I know they love me. I don't tell nobody, though, because then daddy always yells at them and threatens to put them down[5]. It scares me when daddy yells. They also like to play fetch.

Well that was my presentation.

The End

edit Notes

I hope I did this right teacher you told us to put notes at the bottom so here it is

  1. he also watches a lot of stuff about the goddamn immigrants but usually he just watches sports
  2. I dreamed about ponies
  3. and I didn't know a lot was two words but spell check says it is so it must be right
  4. spell check doesn't say SCD is a word so I think mommy just made it up
  5. I don't know where he's going to put them down, but it doesn't sound like a nice place
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