User:Bluefurry/The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
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“In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the western hemisphere of the planet Earth, Uncyclopedia has already supplanted Wikipedia as the standard repository for all knowledge and wisdom. For although, it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work, in two important respects. First, it averages 1 Zero Wing reference every 3 words; and second, it has the wisdom of Oscar Wilde inscribed at the top of every article. ”
“The history of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is now so complicated that every time I tell it I contradict myself, and whenever I do get it right I'm misquoted. So the publication of this omnibus edition seemed like a good opportunity to set the record straight--or at least firmly crooked.”
edit The Guide
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a book created by an old guy that nobody remembers, and loved by hipsters. Nobody has ever managed to find a copy of the actual guide, as it has long since been huffed by a cyberdemon while the Doomguy was attempting to exit Hell, this turned out to be a trap, resulting in everyone playing Doom to lose The game. It has been said that the guide contains exact instructions on the profane art of sharking.
However, in some date nobody can seem to possibly remember, the Guide was rated better than an actual encyclopedia, the anatomy of huffable kittens, and God. This did not cause the book to become the number one source of all information in the
Galaxy Universe, as the internet currently uses 4chan for its main repository of useful information. The board of intergalactic information tubes released a memo on the reasons the guide is currently owned by almost everyone in the galaxy with the exception of your mom:
- its cheaper to print on the account of its pages being made from Soylent green
- it has the words stamped on the back reading "Don't Panic", which at inopportune times, flash and blink, causing epileptic seizures
edit THE QUESTION
"What do you get when you multiply six by nine?"(only works in base 13, but who makes jokes in base 13) Either that or: How many roads must a man walk down? How long 'till the universe explodes? and Pick a number. ANY number.
Due to the relationship between the answer and the question if this is answered correctly the correct answer will immediately become incorrect. The real answer will become "No time at all". One critic noted that the question and answer need a couples therapist.
edit The Guide's Article on Alcohol is Favored Over That of Any Other Reference Source.
Within the pages of this book, Douglas Adams has created a wasteland filled with depressed robots, men with two faces, and doors that are more polite than a typical human. No wonder it was followed by six sequels. The continual draw was the revealing of the answer to life, the universe, and everything, i.e. 42. Also, this has been verified by Albert Einstein who came back from the dead to have a Whopper at Burger King. (no, he did not order a large fries and Coke) Elvis Presley, on the other hand, just sold his spaceship and is permantly stuck at "The Kings Bar and Grill".
edit Fact or Fiction?(fact)
There has been much debate over whether The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy is true or not. Those who say it is fact cite the fact that Douglas Adams says it was true, which was all the confirmation needed for The Bible, but others who say that it is fiction simply say, "I do NOT want to be in the same universe as that robot. No, really, what's wrong with it's head?". Moreover, they invariably panic upon reading the front cover so they never really get round to finishing reading the book.
It has been rumored that most scientists loudly denounce the book at parties though no one attends these parties and hence it has been hard trying to verify and confirm this source. Moreover, scientists do not get invited to other people's parties (unless they are required to make the party fly).
There are others, however, who go as far as to debate the existence of Douglas Adams. Allegedly born in 1952, no current records show that such a place as Cambridge, England exists other than a disused part of Disneyland, California as a prop for the 'It's a small world' exhibit with the singer possessing the Cockney accent.
Another group of people came to realize that Douglas Adams is none other then Arthur Dent himself, trying to get some money out of his so called 'big' adventure. I mean, everyone could have done something more thrilling, than traveling around the galaxy, come on! I've done more impressive things asleep.
Everything is true, however, when the existence of infinite universes is accepted. One merely has to travel to the correct parallel to prove a point of debate. This has led to a much more confusing universe. But the scientists do not get invited regardless of which universe they chose to occupy. If you wish to gain more information, you may chose to read many of the fine books on the proper usage of quantum hypermathmatics in self-lubrication, a skill so impossibly complex that is almost impossible to learn unless you are a scientist. All the quantum mathematicians, on the other hand, are busy trying to come up with a mathematical proof that unequivocally proves the validity of 42. However, they are stuck since they have recently come up with the proof that 41 is the answer. Although they had not engaged the servies of Carol Vorderman on British cult quiz "Countdown" to solve this once and for all.
“ In an infinitely large universe, such as, for instance, the one in which we live, anything; even the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; is POSSIBLE, when other things are NOT! -- especially when you own a digital watch.”
Is that not proof enough? ---- If you do not believe, you will be nibbled to death by an okapi! You have been warned.
“ Never underestimate the power of stupidity! The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is soooo stupid, that it believes that if you can't see it, IT CAN'T SEE YOU.”
edit The Salmon of Doubt Code
This is an article about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. This is not that story, despite what the name and the rest of the guide implies. Our story here is that the alleged 'Douglas Adams', after writing the Hitchhiker's Guide series, wrote half of a book. Well, he fully intended to write a proper whole one, with all sorts of niggly bits and ooh aahs and the like.
However, using the multiple answers universe theory, he jumped over to another universe that had the correct answer on his Trivial Pursuit question in regards to the proper ratio of fish to chips. What this does in our universe, is give the appearance that one is not living.
Unable to return from his victorious game, 'Mr. Adams' body was summarily stored in an underground facility awaiting retrieval of elements. His legacy, it seems, is a very more confusing book than the others compounded by the inexplicable fact that it appears to have no finish, stopping halfway through the narrative. However, researchers have discovered that the first letter every fifth noun begins to spell a sentence. "A pig is the circ" is all that has been translated so far, but theoretical theorists feel the second half of this novel may reveal the structure of the universe, itself.
Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman and others have refused to attempt to complete the novel, a bit upset since the last time they saw 'Douglas' he won a Trivial Pursuit game quite unexpectedly and still owe him five quid. And Terry had the little yellow piece that looks like a cheese too.
edit False Rumours (as in, everything below is not the opposite of not not TRUE)
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is NOT promoting the legalisation of astrophysicists
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy was NOT written by God
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is NOT an alternative to the bible (It is, however, a newer, more accurate, and "updated" version of it.)
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy tells you everything you do NOT want to know (This website, however, does)
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does NOT include an article on Vogon Porn, this can be found at www.vogonbigcock.com
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does NOT tell you how Kurt Cobain died although it does contain information of how to kill his followers.
- In Soviet Russia The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does NOT look for information in YOU!!
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does NOT tell you how to get in a stranger's car and travel the universe
- Do panic
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does NOT tell you The Meaning Of Life. That's Monty Python's job. The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy does tell you The Answer To Life, the Universe, and Everything though some controversy has occurred as to whether said answer is 42 or 54.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy does NOT know who your real father is, either.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a trilogy.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is NOT a trilogy.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy does NOT provide instructions for raising the dead.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy does provide instructions for raising the dead.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, while cheaper than most standard encyclopedias and provides more information, does NOT provide pronunciation rules.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy contains detailed instructions on how to avoid being eaten by the grue.
- Janx spirit can seriously damage health.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is better than Google.
- Zaphod Beeblebrox has made a sex tape with Paris Hilton...but the DVD is only available as region 1138 format.
- The character of Trillian was NOT inspired by Oscar Wilde however the character of Zaphod Beeblebrox was.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is NOT spelled with any hyphens, dashes, spaces etc. However since Megadodo Publications have entered negotiations with the BBC, possibly in the future this will be possible.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy IS an alternative to the Church of the Fonz.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is NOT a sacred book in the Scientology Cult.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy does however, have an excellent recipe for Thetans; deep fried and served in a hot peppercorn sauce.
- The restaurant at the end of the universe does allow its customers to carve thetans straight from the prostrate forms of captured scientologists, to ensure unrivalled freshness as well as to gain its second Michelin Star.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide IS an alternative to church altogether.
- the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is not to be confused with the Hot-chick Guide to Drinking
- There are no pictures of Mos Def in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
- Bob Barker is NOT better than the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. (Sorry Folks).
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy does spell out the plot of Cloverfield, as well as a wonderful recipe for the parasites that are featured in the movie.
- The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy is NOT based on a windows platform. It uses LMOS
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy does NOT tell you how to find Doub-O, or where he is.
X-Play give The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 3 towels out of 5.
edit Related Articles
- Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
- The DaVinci Code
- The Bible
- Infinite Improbability Drive
- Bill Gates
edit See also
- Infinite Improbability Drive
- Zaphod Beeblebrox
- The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Galactic Sidereal Year 03758
- The Bitchfucker's Guide to the Galaxy
- The Uncyclopedian's UnGuide to the Fallacy of Life, The Universe, and Everything
- The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything
- Alien Movie - A comedy film that spoofs life, the universe, and everything.