User:BlueSpiritGuy/Sandbox

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edit Pee review for Police

Reviewer details

A little bit about the reviewer

{{{Reviewer}}}

Humour

How and why is it funny? Any suggestions?

7

This is a difficult article, and it will be hard to make it pant-wettingly funny. I do think, however, that you do a good job. I love the underlying theme of policework involving filling in forms, with the pen as their main weapon. I think there can actually be more done here, perhaps portraying "paperwork" as a major enemy of the police, requiring armies of officers working on just that.

The section about the history is golden. I love the subtlety.

I see some people mention on the talk page that we need "more doughnuts". I don't think that is a good idea at the time, and I think you did very well to steer clear of it. That is a predictable cliché that should at best be included only in the footnotes. What you did is much better.

I am scoring the humour with a 7, because I am stingy with points. I think there is still room for improvement (will mention some suggestions below), but what you did here is already a great article in its own right.

Concept

How good is an idea behind the article?

9

This is definitely a required page. What you did with it is much better than the incoherent babbling of the previous article, and this article actually has nice unity. The encyclopaedic style is tops, I can see you spent a lot of time on this. Again, well done on steering clear of the usual doughnuts jokes. The personnel and organisation part really holds the thing together.

I don't really know how to otherwise comment on the concept. The police as a concept is good, I guess. People protecting us from harm and all. I think what you did with the concept, however, is great. Working subtly from the fact that the police is basically an extrapolation from "him with the biggest stick are the boss", and that the police originated due to the need of the ruling classes to need "a strong arm of the law", more than a "long arm of the law". I don't know how far this analogy will get me. Anyway, you basically said that the principle behind the police stayed the same, beat people with a truncheon, although it requires a lot more paperwork nowadays. It is funny because it is true. And that is what Uncyc is about, after all. You can criticise something all you want, but you only have a lasting effect when you make someone laugh. As observational humour, this is golden and I am jealous of your writing apt.

Prose and Formatting

How good does it look and how well does it read?

9

I might proofread it in detail later and make a few changes, but overall the grammar is good. The only comment here is that the intro paragraph before the Table of Contents is a bit long. This is where you need to hook the reader to read the rest of the article, and a wall-of-text can be intimidating. You want to entice the reader just enough to move along. Most of the intro does exactly that, but I would suggest moving the second paragraph ("It is very common ... general public impossible") to the start of the history section. It is a nice paragraph and I think it will be better suited as an intro for the history. It feels a bit out of place here, and moving it will also improve the flow of the intro section.

Images

How are the images? Are they relevant, with good quality and formatting?

6

I think all the images used are appropriate. They also break the text nicely, without being too much. Only comment here is that the images are all British, but as the article stands at the moment, there is not much we can or should do about it. I love the "modern" police vehicle image, that grin is priceless. I guess the best way to make the images more international, is what I suggest next, in the comment section.

Miscellaneous

The article's overall quality - that indefinable something.

9

This is a great improvement on the old article. Most important, it sets the canvass for future editing. Police should not be an article written by a sole author, but someone needs to lay the ground-work. The hardest part of writing a piece is, after all, the beginning. And the rest. But what you have here is infinitely extendible, and I think it will grow in time to something wonderful. If not, if no one edits it because they are lazy, it is still a great article in its own right.

I think the next step for extension should be "Policing around the world". It can be grouped by countries, or by first vs third world. Or anything else. Policing is a concept that varies widely from country to country, and I think there is potential for this in the article. Not to mention the potential for images...

Perhaps a good idea to start a thread on the talk page about just this.

Summary

An overall summation of the article.

Ending this Pee, I would say that your work here is done (other than moving that one paragraph from the intro). The article is a brilliant seed, that will hopefully grow over time into something much larger. A complete re-write like this must not have been easy, but you pulled it off with style.

BlueSpiritGuy (talk) 11:04, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
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This was a Pee Review by BlueSpiritGuy (talk) 11:04, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
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