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The Bloodhound Gang is a group of activists who started a civil rights movement out of Transylvania, on the east coast of the United States of America. This movement was for the struggle of equal rights for white people. Although white people have generally had it pretty good, there is a number of areas in society which have been severely lacking, for example:
- White people do not appear as cool as black people.
- White people find it difficult to get on basketball and athletic teams. One of the major reasons for this is that they cannot jump.
- White men have a shortage of length and girth compared to black men. The penis enlargement campaign on the Internet has attempted to counter this.
- White people have a lot of trouble spitting. They usually end up spitting on their shoe or their own face, or just dribbling down their chin. Black people on the other hand have been experts at spitting for millenniums, since ancient times in Africa when they used spitting as a hunting weapon.
Jimmy Pop Ali
Evil Jared Hasselhoff
Evil Jared is a lumbering giant and has no problems with penis size or athleticism. He does however appear less cool than a black person when walking down the street. Although, technically speaking, a black man of the same height would have a penis twice as long and twice as thick.
For all we know, Q really is black and we are all hallucinating. DJ Q-Ball makes Stevie Wonder feel like an albino. Of course, the truth is that DJ Q-Ball is just an average black person, except that he was born into white skin by mistake. Hence he has had to go through some suffering which he otherwise would not have had to endure.
Lupus is an alcoholic who drinks his way out of depression and into the fantastical land of technicolour yawns. The mostly likely cause of this depression is the realization that he is not as cool as black people. No amount of dying hair, growing goatees, or wearing clothes seems to have remedied the situation.
Spanky G was booted from the Bloodhound Gang for being a Nazi, and although the Gang feels sorry for him (except for Evil Jared, who hopes Spanky dies), he simply wasn't fitting in. Spanky G suffered from a rare case of extreme whiteness, and hence was very jealous of black people. This is what made him angry and led him to become a Nazi. His symptoms included a weak heart which was no good for athletics, a height of three feet which was useless for basketball, and an unusually small penis.
Willie The New Guy
Willie was just looking to buy some heroin when he bumped into the Bloodhound Gang by accident, causing his hair to fall out. He hung around for a while, still hoping to score some drugs, but eventually wandered off again empty-handed. He may have banged some tin cans during his stay with the Bloodhound Gang, but he can't really remember.
The food of choice for leaders and followers of the Bloodhound Gang is a mystic comestible known as Wawa. It seems that Wawa appeals not just to the tastebuds, but also to the faith of the Bloodhound Gang. Firstly, Wawa contains a mysterious white substance known as mayonnaise, and its colour contributes to the allegiance a white person feels when consuming it. People who are not the same colour as mayonnaise are generally not interested in eating it, and some are even scared or grossed out. Secondly, Wawa is available in a 2 foot length, which must appeal to men as compensation for certain inadequacies they experience in the general groin area.
The March on Harlem
In late 1995, the Bloodhound Gang formed a large protest crowd and marched to Harlem, Manhattan. The purpose of this protest was to try and get African Americans to reveal their long-held secrets of cool appearances and large penises. Also, a number of the protesters were interested in joining some of Harlem's successful sport teams. Unfortunately, the march was a momentous failure. Many of the protesters disappeared down side streets to buy drugs, while others got scared and ran away. Horrifically, some were even converted to Wiggers.