From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|If you have a vendetta against me and want to vandalise and/or blank my userpage, I'm currently not me. I'm Codeine at the moment.|
“I love the sites where you can change the Terms and Conditions to whatever you want. I just changed mine to 'I like pie.' Now if I do something wrong, I'll just tell them the Terms and Conditions I agreed to.”
I am an Australian member. Perhaps surprisingly, I am also from Australia. I am not only human, but several other things all at once. Some of these things include berkelium and Burger King (though I will viciously deny any affiliation with the latter!). Similarly, I often arrive without traveling and am in several places simultaneously. I am sometimes known as the Man of Iron, for a reason of which I am baffled. If anyone knows why the hell freaks come up to me on the street and start talking as though this has any relation to me, please, please tell me.
On another note, I feel no need to narcissistically drool "Articles that I've started" and "Images that I've made" sections all over my page. However, in an attempt to make my page longer and seemingly more impressive, I will probably put them in somewhere. Be warned!
edit Me in General
And not in the sense of modern major-general with knowledge vegetable, animal and mineral.
I live in Australia, the land which is of course bathed in kangaroos,
Steve Irwin murderous stingrays, and animals that have the unusual ability to kill by staring at you. It was also home to the Aborigines, who prefer to be called 'barramalaworonga molataranadigimala tooridiri' (abbridged version), meaning 'people of the odd rock formations' in their own language. They are now completely extinct, mainly thanks to the British.
Australia is a nation of televised sportsmen, which pisses me off because sport sucks for watching and you should just play the damned thing. I also do not understand why anyone could consider cricket to be worthy of playing when only one eighth of the game involves any sort of physical action outside of standing (also see favourite quotes).
edit Religion (or lack of)
I am an atheist, which for the ignorant out there means I have no God. I believe the majority of the theory of evolution is fairly correct and, frankly, that many religious people have extremely warped views on life in general. For example, fundamentalist patriotic Christian Americans. "It's evil to sacrifice embyros for a cancer cure, but it's fine to sacrifice human lives for oil and the spreading of democracy!"
For further elaboration on the subject, see my Atheism userpage. If you want, you can also argue my thoughts there if you're able to find a hole in the logic.
edit Methods of Timewasting
In addition to all my other pluses, such as an IQ of 184, extreme good looks, athletic superiority, the ability to seem hilarious without actually being so, and my extreme modesty, I am also a procrastinator who cannot stand work longer than 5 words' worth of such. Due to this, I have developed several highly-advanced methods of wasting time, including visiting a forum dedicated solely to procrastination. Other avenues of recourse involve googling random games on the internet, such as Pacman. If all else fails, I have the ability to lapse into a mentally-induced coma and wake up at a set time. This can be used as an excuse for missing major projects.
One of my favourite distractions. The vast majority of people there are of an excellent caliber, with a few notable exceptions. I've been a member of HG for two and a half years and have made nearly 13000 posts. Needless to say, HG is a major part of my life, and considerably more than just an amusing way to waste time. In fact, HG is more significant than my offline life. It's quite amazing even to me that I've used up so much time there.
More recently Uncyclopedia has also been a drain into which my time seeps. Having written several articles from scratch and made major changes to one of the worst (specifically, Australia) Uncyclopedia is giving me more and more reason to have its babies and marry it.
Inexplicably, I have also taken to bashing anyone who thinks that Uncyclopedia is somehow unamusing.
Not any more. I stopped caring about his place after Flammable decided to be a moron and ban me for making an article with a well-worn title instead of judging it on how good it was. It's a shame Uncyc has people like him with ban-power.
edit Favourite Quotes
|Oscar Wilde is not included in this section. Even if you feel like being an ass, resist the urge to edit him in.|
“I used to think my older brother had my best interests at heart, but after the "here hold this bare wire lead" incident, and the "here drink this random mix of chemicals I made in the garage" incident, and the "here you can fly off the roof using this cape" incident, and the "here feel how hot this firepoker is" incident, and the "here hold this large black spider with the red dot underneath" incident, and the "here take this cool knife to show and tell" incident... I have slowly begun to doubt his intentions.”
“I like to think of mass genocide as nothing worse than a little widely applied post birth abortion. Sure, it's a little later term than usual, but as the argument generally goes, "Who are we to choose for a kid to live in that kind of squalor?" It follows that all poor nations should be mass-euthanized with carpet bombings. To protect women's rights.”
“Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."”
“CRICKET AS EXPLAINED TO FOREIGNERS... You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game. Simple!”
edit Various (not so) Achievements
This is no small feat.
This medal is awarded to Bk,
the fairest and best Marree Man
in the month of August, 2006