User:Big Brother Lee/HowTo:Read Hieroglyphics

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

It is a basic skill required in Ancient Egypt to be able to read Hieroglyphics. After reading this article, you will be able to:

  • Understand Hieroglyphics
  • Pronouce Hieroglyphics
  • Write Hieroglyphics
  • Not have to become a Taxi driver


edit Understanding Hieroglyphics

The written Egyptian language is very obvious; it is based on pictures, much like Chinese. In order to read any basic text you are given, simply guess the meaning of each glyph. Here are some guidelines you shall follow, unless you are sentenced to death by drinking the Nile:

  1. Given any glyph, under all circumstances (regardless of whether Cthulu has assassinated the pharoah), its meaning shall be the closest object or action that it resembles.

If a glyph is no object, action or color, then its meaning is either potato or iPod if it is close enough to a rectangle. Or just make something up if its not a test.

Try the following exercise below (do not look at the answers beforehand):

edit Pronouncing Hieroglyphics

It is easier to pronounce Egyptian hieroglyphics than any other language. Originally, the glyphs were designed for international needs, so most glyphs can be constructed by letters or certain punctuation symbols of the English language.

To read the glyphs out loud like any other Egyptian:

  1. Have two strips of 5-Gum before you are required to speak
  2. Add to the pleasurable experience by lubricating your throat
  3. Jumble the letters which make up the glyph
  4. Remove all vowels
  5. Add the vowel 'e' between the remaining consanants when required
  6. Say the final English word using Grade One pronunciation skills.

When the glyph is constructed by punctuation, e.g. an underscore (_), then you may be confused when jumbling the letters which make up the glyph (Step 2). All you have to do is add the letters: u, n, d, e, r, s, c, o, r and e to the set of jumbled letters. Then continue the process after from Step 2. Reward yourself:

If you are fat, then read HowTo:Lose Weight
If you are not, then resist from having footwear for breakfast. Put it to a better use (e.g. throwing).

When you are ready, try this test below:

edit Writing Hieroglyphics

Draw simple pictures.

edit See Also

Personal tools
projects