User:Ben Grimm/James Madison

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James Madison was one of the [[founding fathers]] and the founder of a city in [[wisconsin]] that bears his name.
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{{FFW|23:16, July 24, 2011 (UTC)}}
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{{Infobox President | name= James "Jimmy" Madison
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| nationality= Americano
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| image name=CharlieBrown.jpg
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| order=Fourth, as in, "''Hey, I'll take a fourth dinner roll!''"
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| date1=1809
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| date2="Oh, sorry, Mr. Anderson, I fell asleep. 1820?"
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| preceded=[[Thomas Jefferson]].
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| succeeded=[[James Monroe]]
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| date of birth=Probably before the revolution.
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| place of birth=[[Vagina]], USA
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| wife=[[Salvador Dalí|Salvador "Dolly" Madison]]
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| party=[[Labour Party]]
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| vicepresident= [[Peter Jennings]]
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}}
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'''James Hussein Madison''' (March 4, 5, and 6, 1768 – June 28, 1823) was an American [[garden]]er and [[lawn]] care specialist who served as the fourth President of the United States (1809–1817). Known as the "Godfather of the Constitution" and "The Hardest-working Man in Knee Breeches", he wrote the entire US [[Constitution]] while singlehandedly creating Madison Square Garden. He also founded the company that produced "Federalist Papers", the most popular [[joint|rolling papers]] in America for over a century. He is considered one of the [[pedophile|Fondling Fathers]] of the United States. Legend has it that he was 3 feet 6.5 inches tall.
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==Youth and congressional career==
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Madison was the ninth of 17 children of Charles "Cough" Madison and his wife Itchy. Born at a truck stop off Interstate 40 in [[Ohio]], young James was a child prodigy. By the age of eight he was already hard at work drawing up plans for the federal government to come.
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In 1788 Madison was elected to the 1st United States Congress, where he and [[Thomas Jefferson]] organized what they called the [[Republican]] Party (later called the Democratic-Republican Party). The Republicans opposed the policies of the Federalists, especially their controversial proposal to legalize heterosexual marriage. Madison argued that permitting straight marriage would create a slippery slope: "Beware, my fellow countrymen! Marriage is a threat to the fabric of society, for if men are allowed to marry women, they will soon be demanding the right to marry each other. We must not start down this path." The Republicans also opposed [[Elmer Fudd|blunderbuss]] control. Madison's major legislative accomplishments were writing the [[Bill of Rights]], devising the system of checks and balances that protects individual rights from the [[tranny|tyranny]] of the majority, and shouting "You Lie!" whenever President [[George Washington]] started spewing his partisan, pinko Federalist crap.
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==Elite Washington insider==
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Thomas Jefferson appointed Madison to be his Secretary of State (1801–1809). To Jefferson's dismay, Madison went berserk with the checkbook, most notoriously with the budget-busting [[Louisiana]] Purchase, which doubled the nation's size when it was clearly too big already. He also sponsored the ill-fated Inappropriate Act of 1807.
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In 1809 Madison overcame tremendous odds to become only the fourth [[white people|white person]] to be elected president of the United States. He set about reducing the national debt, which had reached a staggering $14.77. On the advice of [[Tchaikovsky|Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky]], who needed material for an overture, he led the nation into the [[War of 1812]] against [[Great Britain]]. At the height of the war the British were alleged to have burned down the White House, although videos that were leaked to the press after the war revealed that the fire actually started in the White House kitchen after the First Lady, [[Salvador Dali|Salvador "Dolly" Madison]], overheated the flapjacks.
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In 2006 a panel of historians ranked the War of 1812 as one of the ten worst presidential blunders in US history, and the only one of the top ten that was not committed by [[George W Bush]].
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{{start box}}
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{{succession box | before = [[Thomas Jefferson]] | title = [[President of the United States]] | years= 1809-1817| after= [[James Monroe]]}}
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{{end box}}
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Madison, James}}
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{{USpresident}}
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[[Category:Politicians]]
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[[Category:US Presidents]]
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[[Category:19th Century US Politics]]

Revision as of 23:39, August 13, 2011

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James "Jimmy" Madison
CharlieBrown
Political career
Order Fourth, as in, "Hey, I'll take a fourth dinner roll!"
Vice President Peter Jennings
Prime Minister N/A
Term of office 1809–"Oh, sorry, Mr. Anderson, I fell asleep. 1820?"
Preceded by Thomas Jefferson.
Succeeded by James Monroe
Political party Labour Party
Personal details
Nationality Americano
Date of birth Probably before the revolution.
Place of birth Vagina, USA
Date of death N/A
Place of death N/A
First Lady Salvador "Dolly" Madison


James Hussein Madison (March 4, 5, and 6, 1768 – June 28, 1823) was an American gardener and lawn care specialist who served as the fourth President of the United States (1809–1817). Known as the "Godfather of the Constitution" and "The Hardest-working Man in Knee Breeches", he wrote the entire US Constitution while singlehandedly creating Madison Square Garden. He also founded the company that produced "Federalist Papers", the most popular rolling papers in America for over a century. He is considered one of the Fondling Fathers of the United States. Legend has it that he was 3 feet 6.5 inches tall.

Youth and congressional career

Madison was the ninth of 17 children of Charles "Cough" Madison and his wife Itchy. Born at a truck stop off Interstate 40 in Ohio, young James was a child prodigy. By the age of eight he was already hard at work drawing up plans for the federal government to come.

In 1788 Madison was elected to the 1st United States Congress, where he and Thomas Jefferson organized what they called the Republican Party (later called the Democratic-Republican Party). The Republicans opposed the policies of the Federalists, especially their controversial proposal to legalize heterosexual marriage. Madison argued that permitting straight marriage would create a slippery slope: "Beware, my fellow countrymen! Marriage is a threat to the fabric of society, for if men are allowed to marry women, they will soon be demanding the right to marry each other. We must not start down this path." The Republicans also opposed blunderbuss control. Madison's major legislative accomplishments were writing the Bill of Rights, devising the system of checks and balances that protects individual rights from the tyranny of the majority, and shouting "You Lie!" whenever President George Washington started spewing his partisan, pinko Federalist crap.

Elite Washington insider

Thomas Jefferson appointed Madison to be his Secretary of State (1801–1809). To Jefferson's dismay, Madison went berserk with the checkbook, most notoriously with the budget-busting Louisiana Purchase, which doubled the nation's size when it was clearly too big already. He also sponsored the ill-fated Inappropriate Act of 1807.

In 1809 Madison overcame tremendous odds to become only the fourth white person to be elected president of the United States. He set about reducing the national debt, which had reached a staggering $14.77. On the advice of Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, who needed material for an overture, he led the nation into the War of 1812 against Great Britain. At the height of the war the British were alleged to have burned down the White House, although videos that were leaked to the press after the war revealed that the fire actually started in the White House kitchen after the First Lady, Salvador "Dolly" Madison, overheated the flapjacks.

In 2006 a panel of historians ranked the War of 1812 as one of the ten worst presidential blunders in US history, and the only one of the top ten that was not committed by George W Bush.

Preceded by:
Thomas Jefferson
President of the United States
1809-1817
Succeeded by:
James Monroe


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