User:Beethoven's 9th/Ninjawizards

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“I remember my heady days as a ninjawizard.”
~ Oscar Wilde on his disturbing and inexplicable life as a young adult
“They are like a mix between Ninjas and Wizards.”
~ Captain Obvious on ninjawizards
“One does not simply walk into Mordor... you need like an army with like Ninjas and um... Wizards... Ninjawizards!!!”
~ Boromir on his study of getting into Mordor

A discussion of how handy ninjawizards are.

edit Introduction

Ninjawizards are the undisputed source of all awesomeness in the universe (and likely the multiverse as well). So awesome that simply speaking the word Ninjawizard (which is so awesome that in any context it is a proper noun) will produce 1.21 gigawatts of pure tachyon radiaton.

edit Ninjawizards' Affect on History

This energyf has changed history more than once. For example, the Tunguska incident actually had nothing to do with a meteor strike or Nikola Tesla's death ray but in fact was the culmination of a very stupid bet that took place between four Russian Lumberjacks. While cutting trees out in the woods one of them stupidly dared his three friends to say the word at the same time as him to prove that they were not chicken like Marty McFly. They did prove that they were not chicken and later forensics experts proved that they are in fact high-carbon ash. This sort of thing has occured again. During World War II president Harry S. Truman decided to lie to japanese emperor Hideki Tojo about having a really big bomb. Tojo did not buy the lie but curiously enough the same thing that happened at Tunguska occurred at Hiroshima and Nagasaki in a very short time span leading Tojo to believe Truman thereby ending the war entirely by chance. World leaders (except for Kim Jong Il) hope that this sort of incident can be avoided.

edit Ninjawizards in Their Natural Environment

The Ninjawizard has no prefered home. This may because it does not sleep, eat, relax, and because it is just too awesome for one place. The Ninjawizard has no preferred climate. They have been rumored to be in the arctic as well as the center of a volcano. These rumors, however, cannot be backed up because the Ninjawizard is 100% Ninja and therfore cannot be detected by any means.

edit History

No one knows exactly how the Ninjawizards came to be (possibly because they don't exist). Some say there was a wizard who became a ninja. Some others say there was a ninja who became a wizard. Heck! Ninjawizards could have been created just to make another D&D But it is widely accepted among histoians that the first recorded ninjawizard was Richard Simmons.

edit Ninjawizards today

"Skank, you don't know me, I KEEl YOU!!!"
- common Ninjawizard lingo

edit Training Routine

Ninjawizards typical training routine involves magical aerobic excersises such as magic pull-ups, the force push-ups, and killing samuraizombies. Of course, they don't exist (or are they so stealthy that we not of their existence?), so no need to worry about the whole magic-brawn D&D nerfing thing. ===Mortal Enemies===

The Ninjawizards' mortal enemies are the samuraizombies, Atomic Robots, bears that shoot laser beams out of their eyes, and small lemurs (lemurs are the worst!!!). None of which exist Except the BTSLBOOTE, Atomic Robots (only in comic books), and lemurs

edit Way of Life

Blah! What way of life? They have no life except to destroy everything with world domination starting with Antartica. Anyway, that would be, if they existed.

edit Development and Skill

First of all, there are ninjas and there are wizards, then there are Ninjawizards on this world I created. There are three separate development branches for the three factions/nations/countries/forces of destruction or awesomeness: ninjas, wizards and of course ninjawizards. The ninjas excel in their abilities like becoming invisible and wizards excel at poofing things into oblivion. Ninjawizards are the hybrid of the two, combining both wizard and ninja skills. Naturally, there could be a ninjawizard who leaned more to the ninja side or the wizard side (your choice). (Ninjas and Wizards get their own skill tree respectively, but the ninjawizard's is obviously bigger.) Later on, ninjas learned limited wizard abilities like using elemental magic (fire, water, earth, wind) and wizards learned how to actually use a sword properly. (I'll make a picture of the 3 development/skill trees later).

edit The Ninja Way

  • Coming into the world of ninjas, you're looked upon with awes and potential because you're a ninja baby.
  • As a child, you learn to become invisible. Invisible as in not hiding inside a box.
  • You, as a teen, attempt ninja boarding school in which few graduate in their first four years.
  • You learn the way of the warrior (not samurai) and begin practicing with the sword, etc.
  • Young still, you are taught the 4 elemental magics (fire, water, earth, and wind) of which you can now burn your enemies to dust and blow freakin fire balls! (And no you don't wave your hands in crazy fashions for this)
  • Senior year of graduating ninja school, the ultimatum is given before you; survive the Excruisiating Eight Tests of Torture (EETT). 1. Watch Barney for 4 hours 2. Partake in stand up comedy 3. say Believe It! in that weird stupid way 4. Walk up a building.....on fire! 5. Watch a spartan winning against a ninja 6. Stay awake for five days straight 7. Catch a chocobo 8. Defeat a wizard

After beating the EETT, the now officially new ninja is put into a squad of four. From there on, the ninja will work with others in the ultimate goal of annihilating the diabolical wizards until death or relief.

edit The Wizard Way

  • Wizards, after opening their eyes for the first time instantly know the square root of 24.
  • As children, they aggresively learn seemingly unlimited knowledge, consuming spell books and charms (strangely tasty).
  • Wizards, as teens, attend Pigzits school for Witchcraft and Wizardry (not Hogwarts).
  • They learn how to become a master wizard like Gandalf or Zibnaf. (Zibnaf is from the amazing fantasy series Death Gate Cycle; and he pwns!!!)
  • Wizards learn to use either A. a magical staff, B. a magical wand, or C. your hands. (And no it's not waving hands randomly in weird positions.)
  • Still young, wizards are taught how to properly handle a blade and not poke your eye out, and combine magical skills with it. (i.e. fire sword)
  • Senior year of graduation, the ultimatum is presented to you; answer the questions of 3.... theeennnn survive the Astronomical Aight Tests of Al Gore. 1. Don't use magic for a day 2. Play Ninja Gaiden on the PS3 3. Burn Harry Potter books 4. Dance crazily at a friend's party 5. Actually do stuff outside 6. Float in the air for 5 days 7. Complete all 13 Final Fantasy games 8. Defeat a ninja

Finally completing the AATA, the proud, young, new wizard goes on to learn powerful spells and stuff, and inevitably finds how to time travel. Also, wizards try to always find and end the evilly sinister barbaric ninjas.

edit The Origins of the First Ninjawizard

It is said that the first ninjawizard was actually Richard Simmons who after defeating the killer rabit was picked up by Tim the Enchanter and a random ninja, whose name is still not known except by those who know what it is. They trained Richard because he showed so much promise in they ways of wizardry and ninjary. He possessed the strength, flexibility, and stamina of a ninja and the fashion sense of a wizard. This lead Richard to attain his destiny of becoming the worlds first and greatest Ninjawizard. It is speculated that he has also learned the power of foresight from the old man in scene 24. the link.

edit Using Ninjawizards to Get Into Mordor: A Study

Recent studies on what is the most effective method to get into mordor have shown that two methods stand above the rest. First Ninjawizards and second, bears that shoot laser beams out of their eyes. Boromir is one of the more significant pioneers in this field. Through extensive funding from H.I.S.M.O.M. he was able to test the various methods in their effectiveness and score them on a entirely biased postit note. He kept photographic documents of a few of his tested methods but all fall short of success..


Boromir's first trial.


The fifteenth trial ended with a thoroughly burnt and troll beaten midpriced SUV.


The 701st trial, one of the most promising methods of getting into mordor still was beaten out by ninjawizards.

edit Sources and Documentation

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