User:BHillier2009/Article about stuff
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
--Pasadena 20:38, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
“Pasadena isn't a place, it's more of a STI, kinda like aids with out the sex”
“Pasadena!!! I pity the fool! ”
“Mr.T, why do you always say "I pity the fool!"? ”
“I'm on a contract”
Many, many years ago, like before the 80's and stuff, god created the earth with his almighty magic and what not. Yeah, yeah I know, it's boring, I'm getting to the good part. Well all the left over stuff that he had left over from making great world wonders like the Eiffel Tower and all that jazz he piled up in one special area on the west coast of Newfoundland. He then took a smoke break.
Humanity, meet Pasadena...
When humans began to spread out over the earth two races came upon the mound of magic at the same time: What are today know as newfoundlanders, and the Emo's. The two races began a historical battle that raced on for century's, with no progress on either side. So the newfoundlanders decided to call in reinforcements from the british empire, The popular band know as The Beetles. The beetles cheery british music drove the Emo's back to their cave, no to return to the surface again until the year 2000. The Mound of magic belonged to newfoundland.
What the fuck is this shit ?
Newfoundlanders, despite their cunning nature have a severe drinking problem, so within weeks the newfoundlanders had drained the magical mound of magic and bottled it up to sell to the rest of the world. They labeled this bottled magic as "newfie screech". Later that year they found out that the screech could cure cancer, but sadly the newfoundlands were the only people on the planet that could stand to consume such a strong alcoholic beverage on a daily basis and still go to work the next day. The only people in the provence of newfoundland that get cancer are those who eat less then 37 meals of cod fish a day. Pansy Bastards.
Whys the rum gone ?
After the newfoundlanders consumed every last drop of screech they then migrated easterly to a new settling point in which they called St. John's. The once magical pile was then named by the newfoundlanders "Pasadena". A newfoundland word meaning "ain't no good pile of nutting, ain't got no sceech er nutting wert taking a gock at". Pasadena was then inhabited by a crowd of people from Ireland and Scotland (The only two groups of people on the planet that could stand the constant smell of cheep rum). These two groups strived off the barren land of pasadena. They did so by taking all the empty screech bottles left behind the newfoundlanders to the recycling depot in the near by community of corner brook.
After Zealand heard about how pasadena was striving, they traded newfoundland a case of black horse for it. Newfoundland didn't really want to go ahead with the deal but before they could say no, they already drank the case of beer an put on a feed of muscles. Zealand cut Pasadena out of newfoundland and flew it south via helicopter. Then then renamed it New Zealand. New Zealand became the youngest country on earth.
Then, 75 billion years later god came back from his smoke break and closed out of his earth project without saving it. By doing so god failed his technology course and was grounded forever. Seriously.
- Year 1 : Creation of Earth
- 1173 : Newfoundlander's battle emo's for the rights to what would become Pasadena
- 1804 : Newfoundlander's bring in The Beetles and win the war
- 1804... four days later : Biggest drunk the world ever saw
- 1805 : Ireland and Scotland groups clam pasadena as their own.
- 1806 : Zealand trades newfoundland a case of black horse for pasadena.
- 1807 : Pasadena is cut from newfoundland and brought south to become New Zealand
- 2012 : God comes back from his smoke break and closes out of earth without saving--