User:August/Surprise Sex

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Invented in 1832 by John the Baptist to absolve The Man of any wrongdoing, Surprise Sex is one of the most popular forms of sex, especially amoungst fat men between the ages of 18 to 35.

Now you may be thinking "This suprise sex you speak of, it sounds so complicated.". Fear not though, just follow these 3 simple steps and you'll be surprise sexing in no time.

STEP 1:Find some bird(or bloke if you're a dirty ring splitter) and get them wellied drunk.
STEP 2:When they're sufficiently locked, yell "SUPRISE".
STEP 3:Finally, start sexing away.

The "real surprise" method

This method is very close to the regular, real life surprise. You will approach your target and proceed have sex with her, and she will be very surprised, almost not noticing your act upon her.

Find a nice girl of your likings. Try to avoid her noticing you - a good tip here is to change underwear (ask your mum how to do this) and take a shower.

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