User:Assholeism101/Keith (Species)

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Hominus Idiotus
Common Name: Keith
Habitat: Urban Areas
Diet: Unknown
Keith-chegwin-w140
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Hipster?
“Oh my god SHUT UP!!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fucking Keiths


Keith is a recently descovered member of the urban food chain resideing somewhere near the bottom. Discovered after the noises it made were found to be really annoying in a way that could not be achieved by a normal hipster, mainly because the appearance of a Kieth demands attention, while most hipsters merely induce mild irritation and possible snorts.

Keith Olbermann - small

A typical example of an elder Keith

Keiths are notable for their ability to seemingly blend in with both the Hipster population as well as mainstream humanity.

edit Discovery


The first Keith to be discovered resided in what is now L.A. in California, and carbon dating on the fossils revealed that this particular Keith lived roughly 7000 years ago. Suprising many scientist, it was reavealed that Keiths did in fact evolve directly from a rare breed of anarchist hipsters, well before they died out due to anarchy becoming popular.

Hoffpuppies

Artist rendition of an early Keith

The first living Keith to be discovered was found in the form of a homeless male living in the New York subway system, after having almost starved to death because "Too much work to eat." Shockingly, this was but one member of a larger population of Keiths also living within the Subway, presumably living off a diet of rats, although an actual Keith has never been observed eating.

edit Distinction From Ordinary Hipsters


The main difference between an ordinary everyday hipster and a Keith is their ability to remain hidden in human society for log periods of time, which is a trait totally unknown in normal hipsters. Another difference would be that ordinary hipsters are usually in the habit of showering. Keiths are often similer to trolls in behaivior, often choosing to insult everything but themselves.

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