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Today's featured article Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 1.9.0 : Error: No selection criteria found! You must use at least one of the following parameters: category, namespace, titlematch, linksto, uses, createdby, modifiedby, lastmodifiedby or their 'not' variants Did you know... *...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish? ...that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish? ...that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish? ...that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?

In the news Fried chicken, watermelon and menthol cigarettes! Oh my! Obama ducks more IRS fallout Shark flying at Cape Cod (pictured) Free, single and plenty of fish to choose from Zimbabwe presidential elections features a hair metal candidate Baseballer says his piece and puts everyone on high alert Anorexic cheerleader scandal Trusted news service hacked ( listen) Reese Witherspoon very confused Norway returns to darkness Kim il-Thatch dead and not loving it Dead rapper does an Elvis in the Middle East Gangster's uzi kills gangster's wife On this day... May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel) 14 BC - Leeroy Jenkins declares "At least I still have chicken." 2000 BC - Moses opens first Piggly Wiggly with the goal of "Bringin' Chitterlings to all my Peeps!" 402 BC - The towel is invented, to protect oneself from the great LUEshi rampage. 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia. 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain. 1840 - Oscar Wilde kills Lord Byron in what was billed as the Spat in the Flat. 1852 - The knowledge of towel making is mysteriously lost. Pandemonium ensues for the next three decades. 1895 - Playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison. He comments: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine", a line later shamelessly plagarized by Obi-Wan Kenobi. 1936 - Hitler starts the Funky Panzer dance craze, which begins to take Europe by storm. 1942 - Helen G. White announces that the end of the world was posponed once again due to rain. 1955 - Hyenas take over french government. 1977 - God creates Funk. 1978 - And He saw it was goooooood. 1980 - Towels are rediscovered. 1982 - Pac Man fever kills 20 million americans in just a few weeks. 1987 - Marijuana becomes the most cultivated plant ever, displacing the potatoe from top one for a few weeks. 1993 - AB Logic are found guilty of crimes against music and are condemned to death by choking on artichokes 2001.5 - International "Hug a Goombie" Day founded 2002 - Mutant Goombie Children are found in a puddle. Government and other such officials blamed. 2003 - First smart move made ever by a Government, Governments everywhere are officially disbanded. 2007 - Jerry Springer attacked by Trailer Park Midgets. Colonization of the Week For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Each year, Uluru's paint is refreshed to prepare for the upcoming tourist season. Image Credit: Hindleyite Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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Writer and Noob of the Month

GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!! Uncyclopedia's sista projects Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects. 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