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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

*...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ...that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
    • ...and if you haven't before you just did after reading the above statement.
  • ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ...that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
    • ...and if you haven't before you just did after reading the above statement.
  • ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ...that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
    • ...and if you haven't before you just did after reading the above statement.
  • ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?

In the news

On this day...

Jude

April 17: Genocide Appreciation Day

  • 50 AD - The Roman Empire invests in a program where Christians die for their own entertainment. Today, this program is known a Pay-Per-View.
  • 1783 - America wins its war for independence. Agrees to continue the British policy of deindianization.
  • 1525 - Cortéz kills all the dirty Aztecs and purifies Mexico by ordering his men to rape the Aztec women. All are thankful.
  • 1555 - After 18 months of siege, Siena surrenders to the Imperial army. The Republic of Siena is incorporated into the Grand Douche of The Dark Side. Italians begin tanning. Fist pump their way to the Coastal United States.
  • 1915 - The Armenian Genocide begins. Nobody cares.
  • 1932 - Joseph Stalin starves his own people as a "practical joke"; thousands die.
  • 1940 - Adolf Hitler attempts to cleanse Europe of Jews and other minority groups; instead his efforts create resistent minorities that will eat his flesh alive.
  • 1960-something - The Beatthose write "Hey Jude", a pro-genocidal song. Everyone loves it.
  • 1992 - While not really genocide related, Rodney King is found not guilty of beating two white policemen.
  • 1994 - The Rwandan Genocide begins. Tutsis and Tootsie Rolls alike are mass exterminated.
  • 2005 - In a World of Warcraft incident, several mages performed an online funeral for their friend who died IRL. During the ceremony, they were interrupted and all killed by a ruthless clan in a genocide-style extermination.
  • 2022 - The Americans decide to conquer and exterminate their not-so-friendly neighbours to the North, the Canadians.
  • 2023 - Two trains collide and kill 30022475656732992 people
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Canadian Soldiers

In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley.

Image Credit: NewMess1ah
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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