User:Arachnarok/Cole Phelps

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“LAPD!”
~ Cole Phelps on Scaring criminals


Cole "Coal" Phelps is a police officer / traffic cop / Detective / Busybody/ Goody-two-shoes, who works for the Lol Angeles Police department. He is a friendly chap and a family man, often shooting people to help a 'good' cause.


edit Early life

To be frank, I don't really give a flying fuck about his early life, and I wouldn't expect you do either.


edit Early police work

Cole Phelps' first assignment was to hunt a man accused of murdering a black man. However, society was tough in those days, so few people actually cared. But anyhow, he ran around for a while until he found a gun on a roof, reflected by a mirror that defies the laws of physics. And after what seemed like a billion years, he solved the crime. How? No-one knows, he just did. After a comical dance at the LAPD annual picnic, he was promoted to being a traffic cop. Don't ask.

edit Traffic cop

After waiting to grow into his new stetson, Cole began work as a traffic cop. One of his most memorable adventures (which had absolutely nothing to do with traffic) was when he interegated a (Jewish) businessman. After an arguement about wether Yom Kippur was Moses' birthday party or not, he solved the case. A while later, he was assigned to a new mystery "The Case of the Car Over the Cliff", in which a car (supprisingly) drove over a cliff, with a drugged movie star and slut inside. Cole set of to the movies with his best friend, searching for a paedophile and a murderer. After a trip to the gift shop, Cole found the pervert's den, locking up the pervert and sending him to prison. However, the murderer was hiding in baghdad, filming a new movie 'Jungle Drums'. After a long flight on a magic carpet, he reached Baghdad, chasing the darstardly dictator director through the crubling ruins, closely followed by Alqaeida thugs, however they were all killed as one unexpectedly exploded. For Cole, it was hometime.

edit Homicide detective

Later, Cole Phelps became taller, and a Homicide detective.

You know what, I'm bored shitless of watching gameplay commentaries, so

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