User:Apple the Great/Cambridge

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“NO MOORING.”
~ A sign commonly seen around Cambridge, encouraging members of the university caste not to enslave wild North Africans

Cambridge is nominally a city in East Anglia, England, about 50 miles north of "The Centre of the World" under the control of the the Cambridge City Council. In reality, it is a series of servants' quarters for each of the colleges that make up the University of Cambridge and this is controlled by the university. The Cambridge City Council is a single-party authority that consists of fascistic liberal cyclists, to whom the university has ceded minor powers to further inconvenience the local population of worker-drones.

The population of Cambridge is hard to quantify exactly since the university only keeps accurate records of its own members, but as with some other slave societies, the free population which makes up the university population is significantly outnumbered by the slave population of local worker drones. There are 24,500 members of the university caste, a middle class of about 15,000 and a further 85,000 worker drones. Cambridge is a very diverse city; since the university can not breed enough slaves to serve in its kitchens and whatnot, and it refuses to provide adequate state schools in order to keep the population stupid, it relies on importing foreign workers who dream of coming to a fantasy version of Cambridge that the university propaganda machine peddles to naive people. Despite the popular perception of Cambridge to outsiders as a place full of posh twats in red trousers spending daddy's money, this is actually the reality for members of the University of Cambridge and doesn't accurately represent the local worker drones' lives.

The city is one of the oldest cities in the United Kingdom and there is evidence that Cambridge was once the lost city of Atlantis, and it has been inhabited continuously since the Roman period. After once again becoming the pinnacle of human civilisation under Beowulf, Cambridge remained a paradise on earth for centuries. This made it a rich target for potential conquerors, but the yoke of slavery and subsequent decline came from within, as the University of Cambridge sought to gain control of Cambridge for their own enrichment and empowerment. The university, once established, slowly but surely usurped powers from the city, until it came to completely dominate the city and enslave its native population. After the Second World War the autocratic feudal system fell somewhat out of fashion and the university found it politically expedient to raise the Cambridge City Council to menial powers that could further hinder the worker drones and the possibility of Cambridge actually functioning as a working city.

edit History

There is circumstantial evidence that Cambridge is the lost city of Atlantis. It is a very well know fact that Cambridge and parts of East Anglia lie very close to sea level. Archaeologists and scientists have all agreed that Atlantis once was where Cambridge is today, but it was "swallowed by the sea". However, Since then, sea levels dropped and the land re-emerged, with the sea having destroyed all trace of the once legendary settlement. There is evidence of Bronze age settlement in the area on a very small scale, and it wasn't until Julius Caesar (also known as 'The Big J.C., the greatest man ever, led the Romans to Cambridge and, having rid the world of a terrible plague that according to the ancient sources caused flesh-eating boils to erupt all over the body, causing death within 4-5 days, established a health-spa resort there). In fact, some people think that Julius Caesar must have discovered a relic from the Atlantis which enabled him to cure the plague, but this is just speculation. Jesus Christ went on a pilgrimage to a shrine of Julius Caesar in Cambridge during his early years and it is thought that Julius Caesar blessed Jesus Christ with his healing powers. The 'Last Roman Emperor' Romulus Augustulus, having been deposed by Odoacer in 476 AD, was allowed to retire to the former Roman province of Britannia where he made Cambridge his capital.

Romulus Augustulus and the remaining Romano-Britons could not, however, hold back the tide of Anglo-Saxons who went on to establish their own petty kingdoms in England. Cambridge came to be an important part of the Kingdom of East Anglia, which was established by the legendary warrior-king Beowulf, who also had Cambridge as his capital. Beowulf establishing Cambridge as his capital has often been regarded as a high-point in human civilisation, with people pointing to great deeds, monster slaying and magic armaments. However, a dark power was growing in the east and the men of Cambridge joined their countrymen in going to battle against the Enemy in 855. Though victorious, the majority of the men from Cambridge did not return from the battle, and though the city remained one of cultural and financial importance, the military power of East Anglia was sacrificed in ending Sauron's power for good. East Anglia, weakened by this short war, was in no position to resist the Great Heathen Army which invaded England in the 865. This army, consisting of people who denied that bacon, sausages, black pudding, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes and some form of bread (either fried or toasted) were necessary for a proper breakfast, landed in East Anglia and battled for control with the East Anglians, the Mercians, Northumbrians and the Wessexists. The Heathens won control over vast swathes of England, including Cambridge, but Alfred the Great held out against them for those who believed in the English way of life. The Heathens' success was relatively short lived, and within a generation Cambridge and much of the rest of Danelaw had thrown off the yoke of foreign invasion with the help of the son of Alfred, Edward. Edward made bacon widely available, and fried it wherever he could near the Heathens and they simply could not resist its fatty goodness, whether by itself or within two bits of bread smothered in ketchup. From this point on Cambridge became part of a England.

Cambridge, due to its geographical position, with a fairly large river and being the major crossing point between East Anglia and the Midlands grew very wealthy indeed, and Cambridge

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