User:Another n00b/Justin Bieber
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|Date of birth||February 30, 1994|
|Reign||August 22nd, 2008 - present|
|Occupation||Mind control tool, Neo-Nazi Activist|
|Affiliated with||Dialects, Hitler|
|Martial status||Gay, Pedophile|
BEFORE HE WAS BORN: His parents noticed he was unnaturally.... well, lets just skip to the point. Let's just say he was dropped on his head shortly before-AFTER He was born..... It's complicated.. but lets just say it made him into the man... WOMAN he is today. Justin Beiber was born somewhere in the woods of Canada, but was believed to have been made in China like other crappy products containing lead poisoning. He was a homosexual child until neo-nazis activists kidnapped him. Since no one cared about poor Beiber at that time, the activists gave up and Justin Beiber got a Mission, ruin the world of music and form an army of Pre-teenage girls.
One day Justin was walking near the black market and A Keen Kitten Huffer assaulted him. When Justin woke up again he realized that his penis have been cut off, Justine screamed like a sissy and he soon found him selling the penis in the black market (Bought by Crack whore). Since then, Justin Beiber has never hit puberty (and certainly never will). One day he came across a skateshop. He decided to start wearing the clothes sold there, even though he thinks skateboarding is a gay sex technique. He also likes walks on the beach and 5 or more dicks in his mouth, but only if they are black, or longer than 13 inches.
edit Evil Career Begins
One night Adolf Hitler appeared to Justin Bieber in a dream and commanded him to make an army of preeteenage girls which he allegedly accepted, thus beginning the contagious epidemic of Beiber Fever. Immediately after he began his ear haemorrhage career, millions of brainwashed girls began to follow him and they all quickly gained Beiber Fever (see below for details). Scientists proved that statistics show billions are sure to fall victim to him as well. However those with brains that still function properly heavily defy him and seek to destroy him. He then formed an alliace with Harry Potter. In hopes of encouraging evil in Europe, as well ( because Hitler told him too) . Beiber began pushing other Artists and those who opposed him into large frait trains :).
Non-Beliebers in Oceania, United Kingdom of Amerika and U.S.S.A. where then kidnapped and put into large groups, and then where forced to ride into the People's Republic of Canada. they would be taken to large camps that "concentrated" on his music alone, forcing them to love it (and get the beiber fever) . There they would be forced to have their hair cut in the fashion of Beiber's "fashionable" hair style, and would be forced to wear a jumpsuit similar to that or Beiber's casual attire. 6 million non-beiber fans ( doesn't deserve fans or a capital B ) died from Beiber Fever and many survivers suffered traumitizing exspirences.
edit Common confusion with Justine Bieber
Justin Beiber has often been incorrectly called Justine Bieber. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE . Justine Bieber was a Wanker who lived in the early 20th century, made shitty music, and became a Meme. There names are so similar that you often see people confusing a neo-nazi, virus spreading, child fucking cunt (Justin Beiber) with a plain old Cocksucker. (Justine Bieber)
edit "Bieber Fever"
A sad effect of loving Justin Beiber so much is 'Beiber Fever' this can be caught by listening to different parts of Justin's songs, mainly from his song (or speech) Baby. Doctors have been stunned by the many patients coming to them. They are earning such a good income from this fever that they encourage others to spread Justin's songs to as many people as possible. Beiber fever is inaffective to certain types of people.
Males become invulnerable to the disease a few days after their 14th birthday, but it is 16 with girls.
It has been suggested by Justin Bieber's former comrade Lil Wayne that The only cure is to disable the brain.
edit Sypmptoms of Beiber Fever
Symptoms include loss of self respect and increases levels of virginity. It may cause vagina in males and an extreme amount of loud and ignorant screams and comments in females Most sufferers of this horrible disease die within the first few minutes of exposure. Of the few survivors, all but one have commited suicide within the first 12 minutes of recovery. The one man who recovered went back in time to form the pop hit sensation NSYNC, there were no survivors.
However, An official list published by the National Wiki Service, which lists the most notable symptoms as:
- sounding like an idiot
- having incredibly small testicles
- urinating in one's pants without noticing or caring.
edit Stages of Beiber Fever
It is believed that the virus come in three stages.
Stage 1: Beiber Defense
- This stage usually develops immediately after contracting the virus. The Infected person loses the part of the brain that thinks independently. They start to think that Beiber's Fagpop is Actually "Good music", and Says that people who do not agree are "Haterz". This is normally mistaken for Stupidity Syndrome, and ignored.
Stage 2: The Tweeting
- After 20 minutes, The victim loses there grip on there language, and start muttering in Italian in a deeply Canadian accent. They then Start spamming Twitter in N00b talk. This is the last phase of the virus where it can be treated.
Stage 3: Becoming a Belieber
- After 6 hours, Now physical things in the Body are developing. The testicles shrink severely, And the stomach becomes very fat. In some cases they lose the ability to walk, although there Autistic so no one really cares.
Stage 4: The vaporization of the Testicles
- After 5 Days, They lose there Mind, they become mindless zombies and Sex-Slaves To Beiber. They then release spores in the atmosphere that spreads the fever around out of there Vagina/Newly Formed Mangina.
Stage 5: The transformation into a Beaber
- After all testicles have been destroyed and all decision making has been boiled down to "OMFGZ Justin Beiber lovez me if do thiz!!!!!! :) :) !!!!! :)" the deadly Beaver transformation begins. After around 3 weeks, all human elements would probably be destroyed, thus turning the infected into a Beaber (cross between a Beaver and a Canadian). At this point, the virus becomes the Fully Developed Nova 12. and the virus is viral and can be contaminated via air. If you see any Blond Beavers that look like chicks, do not be afraid to shoot.
edit Nova 12
Unknown to most, Beiber Fever was actually the testing stages of a man-made virus called Nova 12 which is a strand of the disease called Nova 6 which was first brought to public attention after the release of the documentary "Soviets to American prisoners of war . Beiber Fever was created originally to torture spies that had been caught by the Russian Secret Police but once the soviet government and the Dialects realized the potential for such a deadly disease, they implanted it into Justin Beiber's vocal chords so that whoever heard his singing would turn into a drooling, beiber-loving zombie. The soviets, however, overlooked one major aspect of Nova 12 and that is the natural immunity to the disease whith straight males and old people. The Soviet Union is however doing extensive research in hopes of finding an even deadlier strand of Nova that is susceptible to all of humanity (and certain species of monkeys.)Some of the other failed Novas are as follows:" about the Atrocities and War crimes commited by the
- Nova 5 - BEP (Made in 1914) Causes your eyes to burn out of your skull and your stomach to Asplode.
- Nova 8 - KP (Made in 1948) Causes your lips to literally drop off and makes your brain lose the ability to process sound.
- Nova 10 - TG (Made in 1971) Causes you to die from symptoms identical to Alcohol Poisoning.
After the success of Nova 11 a.k.a. NBB in 1983, they stoped trying to perfect it and claimed that was the definitive Nova. However, NBB was stolen by the Naked Brothers Band and used in Terrorist plots against the U.S.S.A, so they tried to create an even worse Nova after the minimal impact NBB actually had. Nova 12 wasn't developed properly as a result of the team that created NBB being burned at the stake for suggesting that they be allowed to have a taco night every Thursday. This caused a lack of senior researchers and deliver men in the lab so the Soviet Super Secret Group (S.S.S.G.) decided to hire dogs since they have a lower salary and their worker unions aren't as fussy as that of humans. Once Nova 12 was nearing completion, a Chinaman walking by saw all the dogs and thought it was a restaurant. He went inside and started eating a poodle carrying out the final research for Beiber Fever. When the Soviets arrived to weaponise Nova 12 they saw a lack of dogs and thought they had gone out clubbing after work. The Russians then took a vital Beiber Fever and installed it into Justin, not knowing it wasn't deadly to straight men and old people.
edit Similarities with NBB syndrome
Scientists are trying there best to find a cure for Beiber fever, and as of 19/05/2013, have not found one. but they do know that it was made up from the same thing as , but Beiber Fever is much stronger, but luckily is NOT contagious like NBBS.
Both viruses cause the victim to lose there genitals to shrinken and to lose the ability to speak proper, however BF is aimed only at 12 - 16 year old Girls, NBB is aimed at anyone under the age of 14.
The only treatment that has proven effective currently is repeated shots to the head with a .32 caliber slug. Whether there is a difference between point blank shots to the head and shots from a distance is yet to be investigated.
Check outfor more information on the possible cure.
edit Beaber Form
Main Article: beaber
This is the Final stage of Beiber Fever, and the True form of the Deadly Nova 12 Virus. In some cases, Justin Beiber has been known to morph into a beaber in the middle of his concerts. This is believed to be a form of attracting women, but instead they run away and Bieber is left with all the gay men in the audience. This is due to having a rare birth defect that only 1 in every 914 million children are ever born with. He is able to keep his stress under control by watching reruns of Leave it to Beaver and by listening to the soothing sounds of Yanni, But Beiber fever has increased the spread of this incredibly rare disease dramatically. This morphing process is awfully painful, but the noise of him screaming when morphing just sounds identical to his songs.
edit 2012 Biography
in 2012, Beiber will publish a biography called "ッホおﾉﾞ生的인생" (Wikiese for "My life") which details how he came to be, despite the fact he is only 17 years old. The book is to be published in October.
On November 13th, 2010 It was reported on Wikinews that Justin Bieber had raped a 4 year old that he met in a kindergarten in Yorkshire. Justin later rejected the claims and said that it was the person who was the head of the kindergarten, and Bieber was found innocent. However, on 6th July 2025 they found absolute proof he sexually Assaulted the young child, but he was dead so there was nothing they could do anyway.
edit 2011 Documentary
A documentary by Disney is underway, called "Never say never" (known on Earth as "Nazism: A Retrospective" ). The preview trailers have been cited as the absolute worst for any film. Ever. Leaked footage can be seen below:
- Baby (featuring Ludacris and Some stupid Fat bitch nobody likes)
- Nobody To Love
- I'll Never give You up (Modified version of "Never gonna give you up" by Rick Astley)
- Eenie Meenie (featuring A group of toddlers)
- Where Am I Now