User:Another n00b/654321

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“May God help us all.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The War on Cute
“The heck with that! You're on your own this time!”
~ General on Losing the conflict
Kittenwar1
The airport terminal shooting spree.

It has been accepted by widely that the exact start of The War on Cute began when a kitten started a shooting spree at an airport in New York state, the kitten acted in response to the Kitten defeat in the Kitten War and the Growing Practice of Kitten Huffing. Immediately after the Kitten War, and Already slightly into the Human vs. Kitten War, the public outcry spawned a round up of anything with fur. Fear that kittens maybe disguised as little woodland creatures or dogs led to the horrible genocide, known today as the Night of a Thousand Furs. This event in turn caused the banning together of several species to strikedown mankind in a single blow. Thus began the War on Cute.

edit Notable Events

November 12, 1989: Humans win The kitten war, but kittens still refuse to surrender, now in a state in perpetual hate.


October 24th, 1990: Kitten Huffing becomes a widespread phenomenon through the World Wide Web, in wich a 90 second video of a man attempting to huff a kitten, under the file name "Kitten_Huffing.wmv" is downloaded over 82 million times by perverts. This caused backlash in the kitten community.


September 18th, 1992: The Airport terminal shooting spree occurs. The Shooter was a 24 year old Non-Huffable Kitten, who done it out of anger for his Huffable brothers. The Non Huffable Kitten escaped prison and later became a revolutionary during the War on kittens.


Squirrel bazooka
A typical squirrel.

September 19th, 1992: The War on Cute begins, as unrelated but huffable animals such as Puppies (Puppy Huffing, a practice nowhere near as popular as kitten huffing) and Rabbits (Allies with the Kittens, meaning some breeds can be Huffed through Sexual intercourse) are considered to be suspects.


January 19th, 1993: Humans attempt to use border control to murder all Kittens found in America, but it turns out Unsuccessful.


July 7th, 1993: Humans invade Kittenolivia, and set up a base camp there.


June 14th, 1994: Squirrels Join forces with the Kittens.


May 28th, 1996: The start of many battles begin between Kittens and Humans.


August 23rd, 1997: Night of a thousand furs occurs, killing many furries, Kittens and Squirrels.


November 19th, 2004: The Kittens win after many battles with the humans, too many to list here, please see List of Kitten conflicts.

edit The Axis

  • Kittens: Kittens have displayed tremendous resistance to counter attacks by the Human Front and they generally make up the majority of the force. Their tiny claws and purring have made many a soldier go mad and blow himself up. If encountered by a kitten it is best suggested that you fired every single bullet you have in your defense to flee with at least three of your limbs still attached (yet horribly mangled) and live. If you are not a member of the army or have run out of ammo then you are already dead and rotting. Sucks to be You!
  • Bunnies: Bunnies have sense of stealth unmatched by any regular human. Their ability to hide is only matched by Ninjas and Waldo. Not much is known about them as they are rarely seen on the battlefield due to their ingenious camouflage.
Bunny11
Shown here is an image of what might be a bunny during the battle.
  • Teddy Bears: These joined forces with the Kittens in the Kitten War, and have secured an Alliance with them. However, there forces where almost completely wiped out in The War on Cute. They then abandoned the Kittens after the war, and became an independent republic.
  • Squirrels: The level of damage your average squirrel can do is minimal, but this doesn't mean they're harmless. Squirrels have been known to tear a man clean in half and had no sign of remorse by doing so. The role they play, however, is limited due to their participation only happening in areas with plenty of nuts.
Xenomorph
We're f*@#ed.

Butterflies: More pretty than cute, butterflies have been itching for an all out assault against humans for those displays that feature them with impalements through the abdomens of their fellow comrades. Their role is usually as an air attack with consist of their razor sharp, delicate wings being used to pierce the neck and spinal column of unsuspecting civilians.

edit The Allies

Smegmuffin
What.... ....even IS that?
Kid1
This is the part where you start crying.
HeartAttack
Die painfully and slowly.


Ah, La Resistance! Fighting for the survival of mankind are normally the greatest threats to us all. But due to several circumstances, their is a decent chance that people worldwide won't become slaves not fit to even clean the mold off the filthiest toilet known to the entire Universe.

Xenomorphs: Normally content with mutilating people and killing innocent creatures with extreme prejudice- the Xenomorphs have been agitated by an invasion onto their territories by the Axis. Not a huge help considering they slaughter and spill huge amounts of blood on both sides and pretty much kill as much of us as the enemy. But some help is better than none.

Grues: They split into there own faction towards the end of the war, and eventually set the basis for the Grue Galactic Empire.

The Fat Kid: How we got this desperate we will never know.

A Three legged Heart: Where would we be without it?

Smegmuffin: What the fuck is that anyway.....


Kitten War The War on cute Human Vs Kitten War
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