User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays

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Do not remove these pics. If you do, it means the terrorists win. I'm not joking, I feel really strongly about this.

Writer of the Month January 2009

Foolitzer Prize Winner September 2009

“So, you have finally reached my user page! Did you expect a welcome party?”

~ Me on You

“Wait a minute! This isn't the dry cleaners!”

~ You on my user page

[edit] Quotes

For those of you who can't be bothered to read anything I've written, here's a few select quotes:

“I can count the number of trolls who actually read the site's contents on no hands - partly because there are none and partly because I don't need to count on my hands.” - UN:DENY

"It was Newton's aim to turn lead into apples. However, he only succeeded in turning lead into slightly hotter lead with iron filings on it - a partial success, at best." - Isaac Newton

"This is believed to be the origin of the popular saying “upsetting the apple cart” as well as the less well known phrase “don't go mad and start humping apples like Newton did.”" - Isaac Newton

"The procedure for this operation is very much like fishing, except for human fetuses." - UnBooks:Backstreet Abortionist's Handbook

"These are no ordinary beans, my friend, though they may look like ordinary beans, though they are in fact identical in every meaningful sense to ordinary beans." - Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans

"The only others present are his mother and his drunken racist grandmother who sits in the corner spitting and saying “I told you to have an abortion!”" - The Dog Dies at the End

"Being a girl, young Marie did not possess a Y-chromosome, which is the location of the so-called 'science gene' – the gene responsible for scientific ability. She did, however, display an uncommon talent for playing with dolls." - Marie Curie

"While at university, Marie attempted to earn money by forging banknotes. However, she was easily caught as she insisted, despite the advice of her friends, on including her face on the notes." - Marie Curie

"Numerous scientific studies show that people who read books are better at reading books than those who don't." - Why?:Read a Book

"The film may attract a new audience who just want to see Zac Effron get shot in his stupid fucking face." - UnNews:New High School Musical Movie Gets Mixed Reaction

"We need to go back to the days when a goat would be killed and then burned in a daily offering to the Sun God in every American classroom." - UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?

[edit] Things Written By Me (or someone posing as me)

I should warn you that there's a lot of shit here, which is why I put a big asterisk beside my favourites.

• UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God? (Featured) *
• Voter Information for the 2008 US Presidential Election (Featured) *
• Isaac Newton (Featured)
• Space Invaders (Featured)
• UnBooks:Backstreet Abortionist's Handbook (Featured) *
• UnNews:I have taken hostages (Featured)
• Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans (Featured)
• The Dog Dies at the End (Featured) *
• Marie Curie (Featured) *
• Why?:Read a Book (Featured)
• Why?:Collapse Space-Time (Featured)
• UnBooks:IRAQATTACK (Featured)
• The Great Gig in the Sky (Featured) *
• Tool (band) (Featured) *
• UnNews:Awful comedian demands third Bush term
• UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to suppress the proletariat?
• Fluffy Bunny World
• HowTo:Get Nigger-Blood Out Of White Robes
• Justice League Europe
• 2003
• UnNews:Horrific rape was really victim's own fault for dressing like a slut‎‎ *
• UnNews:New High School Musical Movie Gets Mixed Reaction *
• UnNews:Fears film may spark fresh wave of deicides
• UnScripts:Harry Potter and the Inevitable Musical
• Death Easy-Listening
• I Respectfully Disagree
• HowTo:Defeat Evil
• UnNews:Scientists at Haliburton Science Institute Prove Global Warming is Untrue
• Creation Museum
• UnBooks:The Boy Who Cried Wolf
• HowTo:Write a Bad Uncyclopedia Article
• UnNews:Nothing Happens

What I'm working on:

• User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/sandbox
• User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/sandbox2

More to follow (unless I die (which I won't)).

[edit] Other Stuff

I apologise for the mess down here.

	Poet Lowrate
This person is the winner of the Poo Lit Surprise, which they won for their article: Marie Curie

Featured Article: Marie Curie This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Featured Article: Why?:Collapse Space-Time This person created an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Featured Article: UnBooks:IRAQATTACK This person created an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Featured Article: Why?:Read a Book This person created an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Featured Article: The Dog Dies at the End This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Featured Article: Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

Grand Cross of the Order

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