User:Aleister in Chains/911

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A page where I keep a few interesting things found on other pages

From a forum, Modus defines comedy writing: Uncyclopedian's first edits always suck. They're fresh-faced and mostly sober, new in off the street, and they've never had to write comedy before. It takes practice, experience, and the steely resolve provided by the crushing and nihilism inducing weight of a life lived in failure before they can write goodly. I mean, expecting to be awesome right off the bat is like expecting to be a master juggler with no practice. It doesn't happen. If you think it does, you're only running headfirst up against the wall of disappointment. Which puts you a third of the way to being funny. (The other two steps are failure in love and failure in school or work. The fourth of the three steps is maintaining a childlike view of the world, full of whimsy and rainbows and ponies, and from that being able to find the humour in things that aren't necessarily funny. The fifth is learning how to analyse comedy and coming up with the joke without analysing comedy and killing the joke, which is tough to do. The sixth step is Southern Comfort. You'll understand when you're older) Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 23:44, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

Deleted from Riker's talk page, some good links:

So... You insult the rest of Uncyclopedia(after coming here, making an account, and trolling, mind you), and think that we won't mock you? You obviously haven't seen what we do to other trolls like you. Prepare to be mocked by the community. If you have the balls to reply, post something on my talk page. And don't give me any of that "Say that to my face!" crap, because you know that none of us can do that. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 19:40, December 22, 2010 (UTC)

The best gif ever:


From a VFD page:


Handy Smurf (Gomphog) stole this off the internet, a short history lesson

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

Odds and Ends of interest:

A beautiful conversation just dividing up what little is left after this team has covered the entire fucking Roman Empire:

edit Pan-Imperial Highway

Hi Zarbag. I recently started filling in the gap between the two blocks of Roman emperors. I remembered you wanted to write Claudius II. I will leave that page for you and any others you might want to add. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:32, October 30, 2012 (UTC)

Cheers. Really happy that this is happening as the "gap" has long been bothering me. I'll gladly take Claudius II and maybe dig out my old hardback on the Augusti to see who else I fancy taking the piss out of. --Zarbag (talk) 18:59, November 1, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks Zarbag. Mind the Gap....--LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:57, November 2, 2012 (UTC) wanted to write about Valentinian I but I forgot that part of the request (was looking through my archives when I discovered that message!). Feel free if you want to change that one. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 14:36, December 11, 2012 (UTC)


From user Anton, a beautiful comment to SPIKE on SPIKE's talk page: I am done! The world is not same now! Anton (talk) 18:36, December 24, 2013 (UTC)

Users with over 200 quality UnNews stories: Funnybony, Composure1, Weebils. Others who should have WotM: DWIII, Winstanley, MrN9000

A TKF note dropped somewhere:

A list of Humor Theory reading material recommended on TheKillerFroggy's user page:

Pup 02:17 14 Mar '12

From the start of Drunkenshark's user page. One of the cutest things on the site, I reckon:

edit You could not get enslaved more politely

Thank you kindly for offering your back to my whip

I'm a girl, english is not my first language so my grammar will be like pointy chopsticks to your eyes. I like adding pictures to some uncyclopedia pages. I could not be more concise.

The coding of the article Gradients: