From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
A female Garbage man deep in prayer.
|Intelligence||about equal to Humans|
|Weight||Male: 60-65 lb|
Female: 55-60 lb
Garbage man (Homo junkus) is a primate in the Homo genus. They are very human-like, living in civilizations much like our own cities and towns in North America. The United States' government force them to live on designated reservations due to the smell of their garbage appendages.
Garbage men are humanoid in figure. They are made completely out of recycled garbage. Before Europeans overtook their lands, they consisted of simple trash such as rotting plants or animal dung. Today, they can be made of anything from beer bottles to complex computerized machinery. The males are an average 3.7 feet tall, with the females slightly shorter.
For thousands of years, the Garbage men have lived as peaceful hunter-gatherer or farming societies, their main diet consisting of rocks and gems (some of which are valuable to the humans, often resulting in tension). Some tribes sanitize their food by boiling it in water, while others like the taste of dirt and use it as a seasoning.
In the last 500 years, the migration from the Old World to the New has led to centuries of conflict between the two species. President George Washington and Henry Knox conceived of the idea of "civilizing" Garbage men in schools to prepare them for United States citizenship. This caused unhappiness for the young of both species. The human children were unhappy with the smell of waste and rotting vegetables that constantly filled the schoolrooms, while the young Garbage men were struggling with the loss of their ages-old culture. In 1832, the U.S. Congress passed the Dumpster Act, authorizing the government to relocate most Garbage men to reservations throughout the nation. Since then, documents (one significant one being the Oil Treaty or 1987, allowing digging for oil on reservations in return for computer chips to build new children) have been written, only to be broken by one side or another.
- The Struggle of the Garbage Men by John Kaitz. Harper-Collins Books LLC, 1993.
- ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/unists?term=Homo%20junkus
- ↑ HHTL Historical records: